EQ4PM

People Skills - Not So Important to Project Managers

Do you think people skills are important to project managers?  Of course you do or you wouldn't bother reading this blog, since people skills are a major focus.  So let me ask you this, why do you think that people skills are important to project managers?  If you were to guess, I don't think you would guess the same reasons as some of our brightest writers in project management.

You see, I was reading the book by Steven Flannes and Ginger Levin called, Essential People Skills for Project Managers.  With that title, you would think the authors know a lot about people skills.  I don't know Steven at all though I have had the pleasure of working with Ginger last year on a writing project for a client.  Ginger is a fast and effective writer and a great researcher.

I was therefore surprised when I read the list of nine reasons that Steven and Ginger put forth on why people skills are so important.  In their book, they cited the following:

1. The cyclical nature of projects
2. Trend toward project-based organizations
3. Increasing complexity
4. Downsizing and outsourcing
5. Increasing customer-driven focus
6. Challenges inherent in leading in a matrix environment
7. Increase in virtual teams (I would include global teams as well)
8. Expectation that PMs are change agents
9. People skills as a risk management strategy

I cannot say that I disagree with any of these reasons.  However, I think that Steven and Ginger have missed the single most important reason that people skills are important to project managers:

Project Management is Getting Work Done Through People!

It is people that do the work of the project, people that review and accept the deliverables, and people who are our sponsors and stakeholders.  Projects are about people!

I know that you could come up with situations where you don't need other people to complete a project.  You could contrive a scenario where you were the PM, the only resource, and the main stakeholder - perhaps you are single and upgrading the kitchen in your house, by yourself.  OK, I guess you could say you don't need people.  But I wouldn't call that much of a project.

In 99.9% of all the projects out there, work is performed by people.  If you don't have people skills, you won't be a very effective project manager.

The rest of the reasons given by Flannes and Levin are also part of the equation; I just don't think they are nearly as important as the fact that projects are getting work done through people.

Your thoughts?

Anthony

Sad Times; The Untimely Death of Galba Bright

On Monday I was shocked to learn that fellow blogger and emotional intelligence enthusiast, Galba Bright, passed away of natural causes.

Galba and I were both featured in an article in the PMI Network called, Beyond the Hype.  We had been corresponding back and forth for the prior year and were delighted to be featured together in that article.  He has been a frequent commenter here on this blog and has always been supportive of my work. 

I will miss you Galba!  Thanks for all the inspiration and support!

Anthony

EQ Lessons from Shigenori to Shakespeare

My friend and fellow EQ enthusiast Shigenori Takekoshi runs a successful Project Management training company in Japan.  He is teaching PMs about how to be more effective and how to leverage emotional intelligence. 

When Shigenori came to visit me last fall, ostensibly to learn about emotional intelligence for PMs from me, he taught me an important lesson about emotional intelligence.  That is the ability to separate an incident, action or circumstance from my feelings about it.  That is, he taught me that something happens, and then immediately after it I have a feeling about that something.  The feeling I have is a result of both the thing that happened as well as my interpretation of the thing that happened.

If we were to map it out, it might look like the diagram below.  Situation, interpretation, then feeling.  First we have the something that happens, the situation, circumstance, or event.  Then we have our thoughts and interpretations of that situation, which will likely be unconscious.  This is the filter through which we see the world.  Finally, we have our feelings that result from the situation and our interpretation.  The feeling may be sad, angry, scared, happy, excited or tender.

This lesson from Shigenori was very helpful to me.  It crystalized the concept in my mind.  I had been very focused up to that point on the feelings but hadn't spent as much time on the interpretation and situation. 

Feelings are still very relevant because they provide the starting point, the awareness or realization.  Every emotion highlights for us that something is going on beneath the surface and in that sense, they provide great information.  Remember that Peter Salovey said that all "emotion is information". 

The point that my friend made was to show that once we begin to separate our feelings, our interpration, and our situation, we empower ourselves to change our emotions.  Perhaps Shigenori learned this from Shakespeare's Hamlet.  Hamlet, obviously well trained in emotional intelligence, said:

"...for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so."
- Shakespeare's Hamlet

Consider the following example.  How do you feel when it rains?  Many people feel sad when it rains.  It is usually dark and rain limits our outdoor activities.  Think about how you would feel if you were a farmer with crops that need to be watered.  You might feel happy and excited.  Or if your house was in an area where wildfires were burning out of control, you might be happy to see rain.  So our feelings about the situation are affected by our interpretation and our thoughts.

By changing our interpretation of our situation, we can change our emotions.  If we feel scared or angry about something, we can explore the thoughts and interpretations and change those so that we feel happy and excited.

The challenge is that many of us are not aware of either the emotions or the thoughts and interpretations that led to those emotions.  As a result, we create unnecessary sadness, fear or anger in our lives and in the lives of those around us. 

Here is an example of something that recently happened to me.  I have been working with a training company to produce a distance learning course for emotional intelligence.  I sent the draft of the course to my contact at the company and waited patiently to hear back from him.  After a week went by, I sent a followup note asking him what he thought of the course and I also left a voicemail.  I still heard nothing back.  How do you think I was beginning to feel at that point?  Here is what it might look like if mapped out:

This particular event would fall in the category of cognitive disorder, specifically, filling in the blanks.  Faced with a particular situation (no response from my colleague), I chose to fill in the blanks with a very negative interpretation of the situation.  That led me to feel scared and sad.

Imagine my relief a few days later when I did reach my colleague and he told me that his mother-in-law had passed away and he had been out of town.  He liked my work and was excited to move forward.  I was excited!  Not that I was happy about the loss of life, but I was no longer filling in the blanks with my own interpretation of the situation.

This is just one example of a phenomenom that goes on all the time with all of us.  As I continue to learn about emotions and to get coaching and feedback from others, I see that these thoughts and interpretations of mine are more often my enemy than my friend.  They are robbing me of joy and replacing it with anger, fear, and sadness.  It is as if I have been programmed to be miserable.  Fortunately, I am learning and growing and that empowers to me make the necessary shifts in awareness.

I would love to hear your experience in this area.  Cheers!

Anthony

I'll Give You Something To Cry About and Other Emotional BS

It's a wonder we are as emotionally healthy as we are when you consider that the primary way that most of us learned about emotions was from our parents.  Some of the things our parents taught us about emotions or modeled for us were just plain wrong and unhealthy.  While I think my own case was perhaps extreme, I have talked to enough people to believe that MOST of our parents unwittingly taught us things that were worthless and in some cases counter to what would be healthy.  Just like the rule about waiting an hour after you eat before swimming, our parents simply taught us what they thought was right.  Or they modeled what they had learned from their parents.

Here is a list of some of the things I heard growing up as well as some things that others have told me they heard. 

Common Parental Messages about Emotions

Sadness

• I'll give you something to cry about
• There is no crying in baseball
• Don't cry, everything is going to be OK
• Big boys don't cry
• Don't be sad, everything is going to be OK
• Stop it you big crybaby

Self-Confidence

• Don't brag
• Don't be too cocky
• Who died and put you in charge?

Fear

• You better be scared!
• I'll give you something to be scared about
• I am going to send you to a juvenile home / call the police
• If you don't do this, I am going to beat you!
• Come on, don't be a scaredy cat.

Happy / Excited

• Why are you all happy?
• Calm down / quiet down / quiet down right now or else
• Take it easy

Anger

• Don't get angry
• Don't let anyone get to you
• Don't let them get your goat

Expressing Emotions

• If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.
• Children should be seen and not heard.
• Don't say that or you will upset your father/mother

So learning about emotional intelligence often starts with unlearning what we were taught, and breaking unhealthy bad habits.  It is not easy work.  Sometimes these patterns and reactions are so deeply ingrained in us that we don't even recognize them.  In their book Promoting Emotional Intelligence in Organizations, Gary Cherniss and Mitchel Adler contrast emotional with cognitive learning and the challenges of emotional learning.

"Emotional incompetence often stems from habits learned early in life.  These automatic habits are set in place as a normal part of living, as experience shapes the brain...When habits are strong, the underlying neural connections become the brain's default option- what a person does automatically and spontaneously often with little or no awareness that a menu of possible responses is available."
-Gary Cherniss and Mitchel Adler 

The only way to break these patterns and improve our emotional intelligence is with the help of someone else; a friend, spouse, classmate or coach.  I learned through a mentor and a group of 10 men and women that I met with every week for four and a half years!  Though I consider my case an extreme one, we all need feedback to see that we are acting in unhealthy ways and support to make the necessary changes.

I'd love to hear what you think.  What did you learn from your parents?  What are you teaching and modelling for your children?

Cheers!

Anthony

Now Available - The Emotional Intelligence Monthly Newsletter for PMs

About six months ago, I quietly launched the EQ Monthly Newsletter for Project Managers. The newsletter is published on the first of every month and contains news and tips to help project managers understand, develop, and apply their emotional intelligence. 

In the March 2008 monthly newsletter, I wrote about what makes project managers successful based on the research conducted by Ralf Mueller and J. Rodney Turner.  As you may recall from my posts here, Mueller and Turner are the authors of "Choosing Appropriate Project Managers", a book that details PMI-sponsored research into what makes project managers successful.  I have based my newest workhop (Leading Teams with Emotional Intelligence) on that research from Mueller and Turner as well as other emotional intelligence and leadership research by Victor Dulewicz and Malcolm Higgs.

You can always read the most recent month's newsletter on-line at: Last Month's Newsletter.  You can join the mailing list for the newsletter by hitting the submit button below. 

Sign Up Today!



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Cheers!

Anthony

PS:  I am delighted to see that Elizabeth Harrin of A Girls Guide to Managing Projects has posted a very positive review of my book on her very popular blog.  I always liked her writing but after reading her review of my book, I think she is absolutely brilliant!  Please check out her blog and see if you agree.

Be Wary of Webinars

I found an interesting webinar on line called Using Emotional Intelligence in Professional Situations.  It is a quick and informative session on emotional intelligence and may be very helpful to those of you who want to learn more about the topic. 

The downside is that you have to register and then almost immediately you will get a call from Global Knowledge to discuss your training needs.  I was a bit put off by the call from Global Knowledge but have come to expect that sort of treatment when I register for "free" information.  Rarely is anything free or no strings attached. 

It reminds me a little bit of when you first arrive at the airport in Cancun Mexico and you have all these people swarming at you offering help with your luggage, assistance with transportation, and numerous "free gifts" which are invariably linked to hard-sell timeshare presentations.  Unwary travelers may get sucked in and feel compelled to respond in kind to these offers.

If you want strings-free information and resources on emotional intelligence, look no further than this site.  My emotional intelligence foundations page provides a wealth of easily digested materials on emotional intelligence and how to apply it to project management.  And you don't need to worry about me calling you up to ask you about your training needs...or selling you a timeshare.

Cheers!

Anthony

A Fresh Website Look

I am excited to announce a fresh new look for my commercial website at www.ProjectAdvisorsGroup.com.  The updated website is now more focused on serving the project management community with all the resources you need for soft skills and emotional intelligence including downloads, workshops and courses, speaking events, and of course my book.  You can also sign up for my monthly EQ Newsletter for Project Managers.

I hope you will stop by the Project Advisors Group Site and look around.  And please let me know what you think.

Cheers!  Anthony

Are you Afraid of Success?

Which of these two statements best describes you:

1. I seek comfort and security.  I like when things are stable.  I like to take on projects that are similar to other work that I have done.
2. I routinely push myself out of my comfort zone to grow as a professional.  I like to live on the edge and I get excited about big challenges.

Here is the interesting thing: I tell myself that I want the second yet I live my life as if I want the first.  Let me explain.

I tend to get bored with easy projects.  I find it hard to be motivated on projects that don't challenge me and I have to push myself to just do my job as a project manager and to make progress.  I tell myself it is because I like big challenges and I eschew comfort.  This may very well be true.

In fact, I used to tell mentees that if you are comfortable in your job, you have probably stopped growing.  I used to tell them something like this:

When you first start a new job, you learn a lot in the first few weeks and months.  And you are the most scared at that time as well.  Over time, you tend to learn less and less.  So you will need to get used to being scared.  In fact, in order to maximize your growth as a professional, you need to change jobs frequently.  If you are comfortable, you are not growing.  Seek discomfort and fear, not comfort.

That's what I tell people.  It is like what my mentor Rich says, "you need to make friends with fear". 

But when I land a new challenge, I usually forget all that business about seeking discomfort and getting chummy with fear.  I get terrified.  Instead of feeling excited, I start to think about how I am not up to the challenge, how I will likely fail, and how embarrassed I will be when everyone realizes that I am a fraud.  My mind wanders to all the downside risks.  At that very moment when I should feel excited, I am feeling scared because I just don't feel up to the challenge.  My excitement becomes fear.

And there is one other thing, or one other reason for this excitement/fear mix-up.  When I look back to my childhood, there was a pattern to how my Dad treated me when I got excited.  He had a way of bringing me down when I was excited; of taking the wind out of my sails.  I don't know if my excitement scared him or made him jealous but I know that at an early age I learned to hide my excitement from him or he would use it against me.  The thing I was most excited about was the very thing he would take from me or threaten to take from me.  For example, he made me quit the 8th grade track team as a punishment for some offense I don't remember.  The track team was something I was excited about.

Perhaps this is why I now get emotionally confused; I get scared when something excites me.  When I start living big and taking on big challenges, I wind up getting scared.  And not just scared, I get terrified. 

My pattern goes something like this (I know because I just went through this when I took on a new consulting assignment two weeks ago):

Live Big -> Go for it -> Get Opportunity -> Get Excited -> Get Scared -> Get Terrified

So what do I do to overcome this pattern?  The first thing to do is recognize the pattern.  This is the essence of emotional self-awareness.  That goes a long way to changing the behavior.  Once I know that I will get scared when I should be excited, I can anticipate that feeling and choose to make a shift (emotional self-management).  In the moment when I get terrified, I can choose to do it different.  I can see the fear for what it is and then remind myself of all the reasons I should be excited.  I am not surprised and I don't beat myself up for it, I just make the shift and move on. 

I am not suggesting that I am perfect but I have gotten better over the years.  I have empowered myself to behave in a more effective manner.  I still go through the excitement to fear cycle but now I move through it quicker and get back on my feet more rapidly.

So are are you going for it and living big?  Are you getting scared in the process?  What helps you to push through the fear?  I'd like to hear about your experience.

Thanks,

Anthony

Workplace Stressors - What stresses you out?

I read an article by Dan Strakal called The Top Seven Causes Of Workplace Stress And Fifteen Ways To Get Rid Of Them.  I found that the list is not very complete and that one very important item is missing from the list. 

Here is Strakal's list of the top seven causes of workplace stress:

1. Being out of sync with one’s career values
2. Consistently applying burn out skills rather than motivated skills
3. Being delegated responsibility without authority
4. Being expected to produce more work with fewer resources
5. Job and career uncertainty and insecurity
6. The pace of change
7. Balancing family and work obligations

I had two reactions to this list.  First, as a project manager, I have found that most companies expect you to do #3 and #4 all the time.  This is just part of the deal. 

But the more interesting reaction to the list was the missing item - interpersonal conflict.  In my experience, interpersonal conflict is the single biggest workplace stressor.  If you reflect on what people complain about, I bet you would agree that people don't tend to complain about the things on Strakal's list; they complain about their idiot boss, that one annoying co-worker, or the incompetent person stuck on their project team.  In fact, in nearly all of my workshops, I get all kinds of questions about how to work with "difficult people" and deal with conflict.

I believe that if you were to ask people about what stresses them out about work, they would be much more likely to cite interpersonal conflict and other forms of relationship breakdowns than the items on the list above.  Many people have not learned effective skills for resolving workplace conflict so they simply shut down, withhold, or leave the organization.  In fact, the number one reason that people give for quitting their jobs is not even on Strakal's list.  That reason is the relationship with their immediate manager. 

I did like the suggestions provided by Strakal for getting rid of the stress.  These focus on how people can empower themselves and change their situation; to not be victims to others.  Great list!

1. Am I bringing any of this on myself?
2. Are there things I can be doing to improve the situation?
3. Am I blaming someone or something else (my partner, my company, my children, traffic, etc.) for the degree of happiness I am attaining or not attaining in my life?
4. Am I actually taking control of what I can control and accepting what I cannot control?
5. Have I lulled myself into a false sense that my work and my non-work lives are beyond my capabilities to handle – am I copping out?
6. Do I know what my career values and motivated skills are? If not, how can I find out?
7. If I am unhappy with my work situation, what is my short-term action plan to transition to something better? Who controls this decision?
8. What are my long-term career action plans?
9. Am I being as time efficient as I can? Am I looking for ways to integrate tasks and projects?
10. Am I focusing on what needs to get done so that I don’t have to take work home?
11. Can I form a support group (possibly made up of trusted coworkers, friends, clergy, etc.) where I can safely share my concerns, vent my anger, and deal with non-productive emotions?
12. Am I a Type-A workaholic? If so, can I admit it and ask for help?
13. Do I use work as a convenient excuse to not deal with other facets of my life? (Primary relationship, self image, weight challenges, etc.)
14. What would it take for me to turn off the TV two nights per week and do something more energetic or socially responsible?
15. Are my tears and frustration at work really a symptom of something else going on in my life?

So what do you think?  What are your top workplace stressors?  What is your number 1 stressor?  I'd love to hear about it.

Anthony

Working with Difficult People #03

How do you deal with people when they are having a meltdown? 

Last week, one of the members of my team named Jimmy lost it.  We were in the implementation phase of a system upgrade and he was working over the weekend.  I was talking to him on the phone and he went off and started screaming.  Jimmy's tirade was not so much directed at me as it was at others.  But it was me he was screaming at in that moment and it didn't feel good.

Angry tirades are one of the worst kinds of emotional breakdowns.  Here are some other emotional breakdowns, sorted by level of toxicity:

1. Blaming and Criticizing
2. Withdrawal and Isolation
3. Door Slamming
4. Holding Grudges and Getting Even
5. Uncontrolled Crying
6. Email Letter Bomb
7. Angry Tirade
8. Hitting

Though I haven't seen it at work, I include hitting in the list because it would be about the worse thing you could do when angry. 

Interestingly enough, besides his angry tirade, Jimmy also did a lot blaming and criticizing.  My judgement was that he was scared; I think he was actually in a job that was over his head.  Fear seems to go hand in hand with blaming and criticizing.  Think about when children are afraid that they will get in trouble.  They often begin blaming everyone else around them instead of taking responsibility.

So what did I do when Jimmy was yelling at me?  Initially, I stayed very calm and simply tried to reason with him.  I was aware of my own emotions and noticed that I started getting angry as well.  I was not so much angry about the yelling as I was about his overall performance.  Jimmy had not completed his tasks from the night before as we had planned and he had delayed other people on the project.  So when he was screaming at me, I found myself wanting to pay him back for not doing what had been agreed. 

At that point in the conversation, I had at least three choices; let him continue to vent until he burned himself out, scream back at him, or leave the conversation.  My normal pattern would have been either continue to listen or to scream back.  On this day, I did the third thing which was to leave the conversation.  I told him I that I would not be yelled at and that I was hanging up.  I put down the phone and then promptly sent him an email saying I would not be yelled at and we could discuss it later when he was calm.  I think my note to him had a sobering effect. 

Getting off the phone felt better to me.  I don't want to take on other people's toxic anger or let it impact me.  What I learned later was that Jimmy had gone off on a number of people  before me.  Not surprisingly, his anger eventually caused him to lose his job at this company.

What I learned from this situation:

1. Emotional self-control is important.  Jimmy was not able to control his anger or other emotions.  He was viewed as explosive and eventually he lost his job.
2. I am OK even if you aren't.  The principal of emotional boundaries says that you are responsible for your emotions and others are responsible for theirs.  I am separate from Jimmy; he cannot make me angry or put me in a bad mood.  I don't need to get upset just because Jimmy is upset.  I can say things like "that sounds tough", or, "you sound angry".   
3. We need to take care of ourselves and not be a dumping ground for others.  If someone is yelling, we can remove ourselves from the conversation.  We sometimes need to take care of ourselves and tell others that the behavior is not acceptable.
4. Be aware of our own emotions.  When we are in a conflictual situation, we need to orient to our own emotions.  In this case, I noticed that because I was mad about Jimmy's late tasks, I was more likely to escalate the situation rather than be objective and calm things down.

I suspect that Jimmy is going to go on to another company and take those same behaviors with him.  Without an intervention of some type, it is unlikely that he will change.  I am OK with that.  I need to focus on myself and the things that I can change.  I cannot change others. 

How do you handle yourself when people yell at you?  I'd like to hear about your experience with these types of situations.

Thanks, Anthony

Update - The BETA Online EQ Assessment For Project Managers

I have recently closed the BETA testing of the on-line EQ assessment for project managers.  If you participated in the beta test of the assessment, thank you again!  You should have received instructions for accessing the feedback.  Email me if you did not receive those instructions.

If you did not test drive the on-line assessment but would like to get the results, please feel free to email me at EQ4PM@ProjectAdvisorsGroup.com and I will send those to you.

The next steps for this assessment include:

• Revise the assessment based on your feedback.
• Conduct cognitive interviews of the items in the assessment.  (If you'd like
  to get involved, please let me know!)
• Revise assessment based on the interviews.
• Pilot again (likely)
• Launch assessment.

Cheers!

Anthony

Nobody Really Manages Projects - Not Even You

That's right, I said it, nobody really manages projects.  Not even project managers.  Not even you.  In fact, the term project manager is a misnomer. 

• Project managers do not manage scope
• Project managers do not manage time
• Project managers do not manage costs
• Project managers do not manage projects

They also don't manage integration, risk, quality, communications, procurement or any of the other nine knowledge areas of the Guide to the Project Management Body of Knowledge (PMBOK® Guide) save one.  There is really only one of the nine knowledge areas that the PM actually does manage.

So what is that one thing that project managers do manage?  Project managers manage only one thing; people.  It is through people that all of those other things are managed.

Consider time management as an example.  How does a PM manage time?  What exactly do they manage when they manage a schedule?  You might argue that they manage the tasks on the schedule (they certainly don't manage the speed of time passing).  What exactly about those tasks do they manage?  The estimated or actual duration?  How would they "manage" that?  The sequence?  Perhaps.  But that is simply the sequence of when the tasks are performed, that is, when persons will work on them.  What else can they manage about a task?  Susan de la Vergne, a fellow fan of emotional intelligence, had it right when she said "You Can't Manage Time".

What about cost management?  The PMBOK® Guide breaks cost management down into the following three areas:  cost estimating, cost budgeting, and cost control.  What does the PM "manage" when they manage costs?

• Cost Estimating - estimating the costs of the resources needed for the project.  That is, the human resources (people) who will work on the project and the other resources that the people will install, use, or consume on the project.
• Cost Budgeting - Adding up the cost estimates to create a baseline.  How is that simple tabulation a "management" activity?  Answer- it isn't.
• Cost Control - influencing the factors (i.e. people) that cause cost variances and controlling changes (caused by people) to the project budget.  This is true management, however, the PM is managing the people, not the costs.

My point?  The PMBOK® Guide is long on managing all the wrong things, the things that cannot be managed, and short on managing people.  This is the inverse of what it needs to be.  Projects are completed by people first and foremost.  I dare you to show me a project that has no people on it - it doesn't exist.  Project managers manage people! 

Even the one section of the PMBOK® Guide that is reportedly about people (Human Resource Management) is weak on managing people.  The four parts of the HR Management section are:

• Human Resource Planning - Planning for the people we need on the project.
• Acquire Project Team - Get the people we need on the project.
• Develop Project Team - Invest in the people on the project.
• Manage Project Team - AHA!  Eureka!  I think I finally found what it is that PMs need to do on the project.

The HR Management chapter of the PMBOK® Guide is 21 pages long, representing just 6% of the PMBOK content (less back matter).  That is ridiculous!  HR or people management should be the largest section of the PMBOK and it should be first!

I know there are many of you out there who have drank the PMI Kool-Aid who I have completed offended.  Even now you are preparing to unscubscribe from this blog.  Before you do, I challenge you to show me where I am wrong.  I dare you to step up and point out how project managers manage anything but people, or how project management can be performed or separated from managing people. 

Show me and I will recant.  I promise.

Anthony

The Only Scope Crêpe You Will Like

You may already be aware of this, but I was a little startled to learn recently that there are now over 70 million weblogs.  New blogs are created at a rate of about 1.4 per second.  That is a lot of information and if you are like me, you probably already have a lot of information to deal with every day.  Among the many new blogs out there that are competing to be heard is one that I think you may want to pay attention to.  It is called scope crêpe.

The Scope crêpe blog is focused on project management issues.  Author Rich Maltzman is off to a great start with 11 posts in January ranging from topics like firefighting, pod-casts of interest to PMs, project metrics, and assumptions.  Rich has even mentioned me and my book in  a recent post on organizational cultures.  So clearly Rich has good taste.  I think he is going to be around a while.

I first heard about Rich through a book he is writing via the Wiki.  I have been waiting to hear about how this works out as it is one of the first project management ventures into Web 2.0.  Read more about the Wiki project on Elizabeth Harrin's excellent PM weblog called the Girls Guide to Managing Projects.  You can read about or contribute to the wiki book project by going to the Wiki site at: http://fiddlerontheproject.bluwiki.org/

Cheers!
Anthony

People Hate Their Jobs?

I read a post over at Ellen Weber's Brain Based Business blog that made me sad.  The post was called Top 10 Reasons People Hate Work.  It talks about some of the challenges that people face at work, like relationship problems, lack of problem resolution and goal achievement, negative and verbally abusive people, and stress.

I don't take exception to any of these problems.  Nor do I believe that these types of work environments don't exist because they certainly do.  What makes me sad is that people continue to work in these types of environments or in environments that they hate.  That is depressing.  That sounds like poor choices, victim-hood, or self-abuse.  Why would people do that to themselves?  It is a choice, after all.

Ellen closed her post with a challenge: What other reasons do people give for hating their work – that you could suggest a strategy to solve?

In the spirit of the current presidential debates, I am not going to answer the question that Ellen asked.  I don't want to think about other reasons that people give for hating their jobs.  I think it gets us to focus on the negative. 

Instead, I would suggest that we re-frame the question by moving from victim-hood and self-abuse to responsibility.  Here are some questions we can use to shift the focus from victim-hood to responsibility:

• How am I contributing to the current situation at work?
• What can I do differently to make a positive impact?
• How can I manage my emotions to stay positive in a negative or toxic environment?
• How can I change the tone or mood at work?

The key to moving away from victim-hood is to focus on the positive steps that we can take.  These may include personal stress management, cutting back on work hours, and avoiding or confronting negative and verbally abusive people.  We can also seek help from our manager, the HR department, or even reach out to co-workers who want to stay positive and healthy.

As a last step, consider a job change.  If you have done what you can to stay positive, manage yourself, and change your work environment, then you should seriously consider changing companies or jobs.  Why would you want to work at a place or job that you hate?  Doing so says a lot more about you than those you work with.  And if you are attracted to that environment or choose to stay even when you hate it, it would lead me to believe you were part of the problem.

Start the Year Off with a BHAG!

Last year I wrote about the hedghog principle and setting big, hairy, audacious goals (BHAGs) to motivate us to take on and accomplish great things.  I have been thinking a lot about goal setting and BHAGs this last year as well as the ways to succeed with them.  Since this is a time of year that many of us set goals, I thought it would be good to share with you some tips for applying BHAGs to our goals and use those BHAGs to motivate us to achieve great things.

I am a big believer in goal setting in general and the use of BHAGs in particular.  I used BHAGs to qualify and run the Boston Marathon, to write my book and get it published, and to pursue becoming a world class professional speaker.

My tips for applying BHAGs to your goals are in the January 2008 edition of the Monthly EQ Newsletter for Project Managers.  Download the PDF file of the Monthly Newsletter Here.  You can also sign up to get your own copy of the EQ Monthly Newsletter on my corporate website.

I would love to hear about your reactions to the tips, the BHAGs you set for yourself, and your success stories throughout this year.

Cheers!

Anthony

New Emotional Intelligence Workshop for Project Managers

I am excited to announce a new workshop coming out in April.  I am going to be partnering with the PMI Chicagoland to provide a two-day workshop titled, Leading Teams with Emotional Intelligence.  This workshop will be based in part on the research conducted by Ralf Mueller and J. Rodney Turner on those emotional intelligence competencies that make project managers successful.

You can get more information about the upcoming workshop at the following link:

http://www.pmi-chicagoland.org/prof_dev/

Have a great New Years Holiday!

Anthony Mersino

Take Your Own EQ Assessment - New and Improved for Project Managers

I few months back, I posted information about a free online EQ assessment.  The good news is that since that time, I have been working on a more robust version.  This version has been designed specifically for project managers.  It uses the Emotional Intelligence Framework for Project managers.  And best of all, this new robust assessment is available, just in time for Christmas.  Actually we are in pre-test but this assessment should be ready for primetime in just a few weeks.

If you would like to participate in the pre-test of this online assessment, you can follow the link below to the pilot version of the survey.   I am just working the bugs out now, so detailed reporting is not going to be available right away.  Still, I'd really appreciate your feedback on the assessment, the questions, length of time it takes to complete it, and anything else you would like to comment on.  There is a place for comments at the bottom of each page for this purpose.

I hope to complete the pre-tests by mid-January then begin collection of data and validation through mid-March.

Please use this link to take the online assessment of Emotional Intelligence in Project Managers:  http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=0wmSPNIkMMhSty1WT2DDmA_3d_3d

Merry Christmas!

Anthony Mersino

Sleep in and Boost Your Emotional Intelligence at the Same Time

I have been speaking about emotional intelligence at various PMI Chapter events around the U.S. and focusing on the importance of avoiding emotional intelligence failures.  My presentation is called Smart People, Dumb Mistakes; Project Managers must be Emotionally Intelligent and it has been very well received.  Project managers are aware of the need for emotional intelligence and are interested in learning more about it.

One of the main points of the presentation is that emotional intelligence includes taking action in advance to avoid losing control of our emotions and doing something dumb.  We talk about emotional resilience and our ability to handle people and events without acting in a negative or undesirable way.

One of the ways we can strengthen our emotional resilience is actually very simple:  we can get a good nights sleep.  In a recent article in LiveScience, Charles Q. Choi talks about recent studies that link sleep deprivation to emotional chaos:

"When we're sleep deprived, it's really as if the brain is reverting to more primitive behavior, regressing in terms of the control humans normally have over their emotions, " researcher Matthew Walker, a neuroscientist at the University of California, Berkeley, told LiveScience.

Walker and his colleagues had 26 healthy volunteers either get normal sleep or get sleep deprived, making them stay awake for roughly 35 hours. On the following day, the researchers scanned brain activity in volunteers using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) while they viewed 100 images. These started off as emotionally neutral, such as photos of spoons or baskets, but they became increasingly negative in tone over time—for instance, pictures of attacking sharks or vipers. 

"While we predicted that the emotional centers of the brain would overreact after sleep deprivation, we didn't predict they'd overreact as much as they did," Walker said. "They became more than 60 percent more reactive to negative emotional stimuli. That's a whopping increase—the emotional parts of the brain just seem to run amok."

Studies have shown that while sleep needs differ, the majority of people do not get enough sleep every night, thereby lowering their emotional resilience and overall emotional intelligence.  (For a tip on how much sleep you personally need, pay attention to the amount of sleep you get while on vacation.  More tips and information on sleep deprivation can be found here).

Ironically, one of the reasons many of us do not get enough sleep is because we feel overworked, we are striving to accomplish more, or we are trying to be more effective.   However, by working more and sacrificing sleep, we are actually worker harder and not smarter.  If we were to get the sleep that we need, every night, we might actually find that we have higher emotional resilience, we are more pleasant to be around, and we are more effective in collaborating with others to accomplish our goals.  As project managers, we need others to work with us to be effective and this seems like a step in the right direction.

There is another EQ consideration for those of us who are sleep deprived.  When we don’t get enough sleep, we lower our immunity and are more likely to get sick.  If you already feel like you are overworked and not accomplishing what you want to, getting sick will only put you further behind.

Take Action

I challenge you to take a moment now to evaluate your own sleep habits:

• How many hours of sleep do you give yourself each week? 
• How many hours do you get when you are on vacation?  (Hint:  If you haven't taken a vacation in so long that you don't remember, you probably aren't getting enough!)
• How many hours of sleep do you need to feel your best and be on top of your game?
• What stops you from going to bed earlier every night?  Is it tuning out to TV, working, or Internet surfing?  I'd wager that you stay up and distract yourself or numb out from your feelings rather than doing one thing that can contribute to your emotional well being.

I want to encourage you to try to get eight or nine hours of sleep every night for the rest of this year.  Please let me know if you feel the difference in your mood, your performance, your emotional resilience, and your relationships with others.

Merry Christmas!

Anthony

What's Up With Your Nick?

I joined a new consulting project last month at a great company.  I am leading a small IT project team implementing a vendor software package.  It is pretty standard stuff and the only thing that makes it challenging is the vendor; they seem destined to irritate and disappoint the customer.

Anyway, I have a member of my team who reminded me of many of the serious IT professionals I have worked with in the past.  She is smart, experienced, technically adept, and hard working.  But she is also abrasive, short, sarcastic, difficult to manage, evasive, and adversarial.

Her behavior generally isn't an issue and I found myself willing to overlook and work-around this individual's idiosyncrasies in order to get the job done.  I tried to be charming, flexible, and even funny and I tried to forget that it sucked to be ignored and avoided, this persons M.O.

I didn't take it personally though.  This person seems to pretty much treat everyone the same.  And they are not alone.  It made me think about all the IT professionals that I've worked with who operated the same way.  It also reminded me of Nick Burns. 

Nick is the Saturday Night Live character from a few years back.  Played flawlessly by Jimmy Fallon, Nick is rude, sarcastic, caustic, and obnoxious.  He is the stereotypical IT consultant. 

We all know at least one Nick Burns.  If you work as an IT project manager, you probably know more than one and chances are that you have one or more on your project team.  On the one hand, it keeps our job exciting.  On the other, sometimes it is just a pain in the butt.

I was thinking a lot about Nick and about the individual on my project team.  If I apply what I know about Social Awareness and Empathy, then I should try to put myself in their shoes.  So I did and this is what I came up with.

"Hi, I am Nick.  I have my MCSE, Oracle, SAP and UNIX certification.  I have been working on computers since I was 11.  I read six different technical magazines each week and I am a moderator for the extreme programming local interest group.  I built my own home computer using a quad-core motherboard and two 4.1 Ghz processors.  Work is a joke.  Most of the people I work with are total morons except for 1 guy in my department.  We laugh at the stupid things those jokers come up with."

My judgment is that most of the Nick's out there are primarily scared and angry.  They are scared that others will think they are losers or not smart which is their deepest darkest secret.  They are also scared that they won't be loved or appreciated.  Their biggest hunger is to matter; to be important.  While they are generally anti-social, they really do not want to be ignored.  That is why they put themselves into positions of helping so that they can prove over and over again that they know what they are doing.  They often create their own problems or crisis so that they can ride in and save the day.

They are angry about not being seen as valuable, that others are promoted above them and are paid more (even when they don't work hard or are total morons), they are victims of the (fill in the blank) vendor/company/business users/project managers/spouse/pointy haired boss.  They are angry about having to constantly stay on top of technology, stay ahead of trends, and make up for the ignorance of everyone around them.

If you have a Nick on your team, I would love to hear your assessment of him/her and what you think are their primary emotions.

Thanks, Anthony

10 Emotional Intelligence Tips to Survive and Thrive This Month

In my December Monthly EQ Newsletter for Project Managers, I identified 10 tips for surviving the month and the holidays.  I've received so much feedback about these tips that I am going to share them with you as well.  If you would like to get the monthly newsletter, please sign up at the Project Advisors Group home page.

December can be a really tough emotional intelligence month.  It may be a happy time but it may also be a sad and lonely time due to some of the unique challenges this month brings:

• Work - There may be major challenges to working during this month including blackout dates, weather and travel problems, and numerous people out of the office for vacations and illnesses.  For those of us trying to accomplish project work, December can be a trying month.
• Holidays - The demands of the holidays include last minute gift buying, home decorating, attending events and parties, and hosting parties all of which can be extremely stressful.
• Family - There's nothing like family to bring out the best and worst in us.  Your relatives know your vulnerabilities and are adept at pushing your buttons.  And blended families have their added stresses during the holidays.

How can we take responsibility for our emotional well being during this challenging time?  I've written these ten tips and immediate action steps to help you take charge of your emotional well-being so that you not only survive but thrive during this month and the holiday season.

Ten Tips for Emotional Responsibility This Month

Tip #1 - Be emotionally aware. 

Strive to be as aware as possible of your feelings.  This may be obvious if we are exploding with anger or jumping with joy.  But we also need to pay attention to a dull ache in our stomach, a looming sense of dread, or a negative cloud around people or events.  Don't ignore or numb out from your feelings.

Do Now:  Take action to protect yourself during this season.  A helpful reminder of common emotional hot buttons is the HALT acronym.  HALT stands for hungry, angry, lonely, and tired.  When we are feeling any of those things, we are extremely vulnerable emotionally.  We can easily go off on someone or have an emotional breakdown.  Try to recognize when you are vulnerable and take steps to remedy the situation. 

Tip #2 - Drink with care. 

Alcohol can serve to numb or detach you from your emotions and hence is the reason many people use (and abuse) it.  Detaching from emotions is not a success strategy!  Better to use your awareness of emotions to figure out what they are trying to tell you.  And be especially careful about drinking at the company holiday party!  Don't finish the year on a down note by overindulging with those you work with.

Tip #3 - Plan Ahead.

Make plans to do the things you want to do or get together with people you want.  Don't wait for things to happen to you or react to the invitations of others, make plans to do the things that you find nurturing.

Do Now:  Get out the calendar now and block out the time for the activities and events that you want to do and that you find nourishing.  Be prepared to say no to invitations that don't nourish you; you aren't obligated to attend any events you don't want to attend.

Tip #4 - Work Ahead.

There is often a lot to be done around the holidays.  We have to prepare for parties, buy gifts, run errands, and attend events.  If you tend to procrastinate, choose to do it differently this year.  Get in front of the curve with your gift buying.  Make a list of who you need to buy for and tackle it early on.  Shop online to make it even easier.  A closet full of wrapped and labeled gifts will leave you feeling more peaceful and happy and help you to give to others with a cheerful heart, instead of a resentful one.  It truly is better to give than receive especially when you are out in front of it.

Do Now:  Buy an extra gift or two and keep them aside in case there is someone you forgot.  (I recommend you make it something you will like in case you don't have to give it away!). 

Tip #5 - Prepare Yourself. 

It helps to prepare yourself for the likely emotional moments you may experience during the holidays.  For example, you may already have a pretty good idea if you are likely to bump into your ex-spouse, your lecherous Uncle Jim, or your arch-enemy.  I don't suggest you put on a happy face or a mask when you see them, but prepare yourself mentally so you are not surprised or caught off guard.

Do Now:  If you anticipate conflict with a specific person, role play it ahead of time with your spouse or a friend.  Choose and practice an ideal or graceful response to that person well before you run into them.  By role-playing in advance, you'll increase the likelihood of responding to that person in a way that will make you feel good.

Tip #6 - Be in Community. 

Make it a point to choose to be in community rather than be alone during this month.  Reach out, take a risk and invite others to be with you or invite yourself to join them.  Create the outcomes you want instead of being a victim to circumstances.

Do Now:  Take the time now to create a list of people that you want to connect with over the holidays and make plans or reach out to them now.

Tip #7 - Get Support. 

For some people, the holidays can be a lonely time.  This may be your first Christmas alone due to death, separation, or divorce.  Be prepared for loneliness.  Reach out for SUPPORT as you need it throughout the holidays. 

Do Now:  Make a list of the people you will reach out to for support.  Call now and let them know that you might be calling them over the holidays.

Tip #8 - Nurture Yourself. 

Don't forget to take care of yourself and do the things that help you to stay balanced.  For some, taking care of yourself could be exercising, sleeping in, attending a play or going to the movies.

Do Now:  I encourage you to take some time off work for the holidays.  Though this may be a slow time or a time to get something done at work while others are away, this may not be as nurturing for you as staying home and enjoying time with friends and family.

Tip #9 - Exercise. 

Exercising has benefits on many levels.  The endorphins that come from exercise stay with us throughout the day.  We have more energy and stamina when we exercise.  Exercising will also help you to feel less guilty if you overeat during the holidays.

Do Now:  If you have an exercise routine, stick with it during this busy season.  If you have stopped exercising, re-restart now instead of waiting until for January and an additional five or ten pounds.  If possible, exercise outdoors.  While December can be a cold winter month for many people, exercising outdoors during daylight hours will help you to fight depression.  Even a short walk with a friend will go a long way toward lifting your mood.  Dress for the weather (and in layers) so that you are comfortable as you walk.

Tip #10 - Reflect. 

The end of the year can be a great time to boost your spirits by reflecting on your successes for the year.  Make some notes on those things that you are most proud of.  Don't indulge yourself in thinking about negative things that happened during the year.

Do Now:  Consider sending a handwritten note to those people who contributed to your success.

I encourage you to take action now on as many of these tips as possible to set yourself up for a great month.  By thinking ahead and working ahead, we can make this month the best in the year.  Try it and let me know what you think!

Anthony Mersino