EQ4PM

New Emotional Intelligence Workshop for Project Managers

I am excited to announce a new workshop coming out in April.  I am going to be partnering with the PMI Chicagoland to provide a two-day workshop titled, Leading Teams with Emotional Intelligence.  This workshop will be based in part on the research conducted by Ralf Mueller and J. Rodney Turner on those emotional intelligence competencies that make project managers successful.

You can get more information about the upcoming workshop at the following link:

http://www.pmi-chicagoland.org/prof_dev/

Have a great New Years Holiday!

Anthony Mersino

Take Your Own EQ Assessment - New and Improved for Project Managers

I few months back, I posted information about a free online EQ assessment.  The good news is that since that time, I have been working on a more robust version.  This version has been designed specifically for project managers.  It uses the Emotional Intelligence Framework for Project managers.  And best of all, this new robust assessment is available, just in time for Christmas.  Actually we are in pre-test but this assessment should be ready for primetime in just a few weeks.

If you would like to participate in the pre-test of this online assessment, you can follow the link below to the pilot version of the survey.   I am just working the bugs out now, so detailed reporting is not going to be available right away.  Still, I'd really appreciate your feedback on the assessment, the questions, length of time it takes to complete it, and anything else you would like to comment on.  There is a place for comments at the bottom of each page for this purpose.

I hope to complete the pre-tests by mid-January then begin collection of data and validation through mid-March.

Please use this link to take the online assessment of Emotional Intelligence in Project Managers:  http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=0wmSPNIkMMhSty1WT2DDmA_3d_3d

Merry Christmas!

Anthony Mersino

Sleep in and Boost Your Emotional Intelligence at the Same Time

I have been speaking about emotional intelligence at various PMI Chapter events around the U.S. and focusing on the importance of avoiding emotional intelligence failures.  My presentation is called Smart People, Dumb Mistakes; Project Managers must be Emotionally Intelligent and it has been very well received.  Project managers are aware of the need for emotional intelligence and are interested in learning more about it.

One of the main points of the presentation is that emotional intelligence includes taking action in advance to avoid losing control of our emotions and doing something dumb.  We talk about emotional resilience and our ability to handle people and events without acting in a negative or undesirable way.

One of the ways we can strengthen our emotional resilience is actually very simple:  we can get a good nights sleep.  In a recent article in LiveScience, Charles Q. Choi talks about recent studies that link sleep deprivation to emotional chaos:

"When we're sleep deprived, it's really as if the brain is reverting to more primitive behavior, regressing in terms of the control humans normally have over their emotions, " researcher Matthew Walker, a neuroscientist at the University of California, Berkeley, told LiveScience.

Walker and his colleagues had 26 healthy volunteers either get normal sleep or get sleep deprived, making them stay awake for roughly 35 hours. On the following day, the researchers scanned brain activity in volunteers using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) while they viewed 100 images. These started off as emotionally neutral, such as photos of spoons or baskets, but they became increasingly negative in tone over time—for instance, pictures of attacking sharks or vipers. 

"While we predicted that the emotional centers of the brain would overreact after sleep deprivation, we didn't predict they'd overreact as much as they did," Walker said. "They became more than 60 percent more reactive to negative emotional stimuli. That's a whopping increase—the emotional parts of the brain just seem to run amok."

Studies have shown that while sleep needs differ, the majority of people do not get enough sleep every night, thereby lowering their emotional resilience and overall emotional intelligence.  (For a tip on how much sleep you personally need, pay attention to the amount of sleep you get while on vacation.  More tips and information on sleep deprivation can be found here).

Ironically, one of the reasons many of us do not get enough sleep is because we feel overworked, we are striving to accomplish more, or we are trying to be more effective.   However, by working more and sacrificing sleep, we are actually worker harder and not smarter.  If we were to get the sleep that we need, every night, we might actually find that we have higher emotional resilience, we are more pleasant to be around, and we are more effective in collaborating with others to accomplish our goals.  As project managers, we need others to work with us to be effective and this seems like a step in the right direction.

There is another EQ consideration for those of us who are sleep deprived.  When we don’t get enough sleep, we lower our immunity and are more likely to get sick.  If you already feel like you are overworked and not accomplishing what you want to, getting sick will only put you further behind.

Take Action

I challenge you to take a moment now to evaluate your own sleep habits:

• How many hours of sleep do you give yourself each week? 
• How many hours do you get when you are on vacation?  (Hint:  If you haven't taken a vacation in so long that you don't remember, you probably aren't getting enough!)
• How many hours of sleep do you need to feel your best and be on top of your game?
• What stops you from going to bed earlier every night?  Is it tuning out to TV, working, or Internet surfing?  I'd wager that you stay up and distract yourself or numb out from your feelings rather than doing one thing that can contribute to your emotional well being.

I want to encourage you to try to get eight or nine hours of sleep every night for the rest of this year.  Please let me know if you feel the difference in your mood, your performance, your emotional resilience, and your relationships with others.

Merry Christmas!

Anthony

What's Up With Your Nick?

I joined a new consulting project last month at a great company.  I am leading a small IT project team implementing a vendor software package.  It is pretty standard stuff and the only thing that makes it challenging is the vendor; they seem destined to irritate and disappoint the customer.

Anyway, I have a member of my team who reminded me of many of the serious IT professionals I have worked with in the past.  She is smart, experienced, technically adept, and hard working.  But she is also abrasive, short, sarcastic, difficult to manage, evasive, and adversarial.

Her behavior generally isn't an issue and I found myself willing to overlook and work-around this individual's idiosyncrasies in order to get the job done.  I tried to be charming, flexible, and even funny and I tried to forget that it sucked to be ignored and avoided, this persons M.O.

I didn't take it personally though.  This person seems to pretty much treat everyone the same.  And they are not alone.  It made me think about all the IT professionals that I've worked with who operated the same way.  It also reminded me of Nick Burns. 

Nick is the Saturday Night Live character from a few years back.  Played flawlessly by Jimmy Fallon, Nick is rude, sarcastic, caustic, and obnoxious.  He is the stereotypical IT consultant. 

We all know at least one Nick Burns.  If you work as an IT project manager, you probably know more than one and chances are that you have one or more on your project team.  On the one hand, it keeps our job exciting.  On the other, sometimes it is just a pain in the butt.

I was thinking a lot about Nick and about the individual on my project team.  If I apply what I know about Social Awareness and Empathy, then I should try to put myself in their shoes.  So I did and this is what I came up with.

"Hi, I am Nick.  I have my MCSE, Oracle, SAP and UNIX certification.  I have been working on computers since I was 11.  I read six different technical magazines each week and I am a moderator for the extreme programming local interest group.  I built my own home computer using a quad-core motherboard and two 4.1 Ghz processors.  Work is a joke.  Most of the people I work with are total morons except for 1 guy in my department.  We laugh at the stupid things those jokers come up with."

My judgment is that most of the Nick's out there are primarily scared and angry.  They are scared that others will think they are losers or not smart which is their deepest darkest secret.  They are also scared that they won't be loved or appreciated.  Their biggest hunger is to matter; to be important.  While they are generally anti-social, they really do not want to be ignored.  That is why they put themselves into positions of helping so that they can prove over and over again that they know what they are doing.  They often create their own problems or crisis so that they can ride in and save the day.

They are angry about not being seen as valuable, that others are promoted above them and are paid more (even when they don't work hard or are total morons), they are victims of the (fill in the blank) vendor/company/business users/project managers/spouse/pointy haired boss.  They are angry about having to constantly stay on top of technology, stay ahead of trends, and make up for the ignorance of everyone around them.

If you have a Nick on your team, I would love to hear your assessment of him/her and what you think are their primary emotions.

Thanks, Anthony

10 Emotional Intelligence Tips to Survive and Thrive This Month

In my December Monthly EQ Newsletter for Project Managers, I identified 10 tips for surviving the month and the holidays.  I've received so much feedback about these tips that I am going to share them with you as well.  If you would like to get the monthly newsletter, please sign up at the Project Advisors Group home page.

December can be a really tough emotional intelligence month.  It may be a happy time but it may also be a sad and lonely time due to some of the unique challenges this month brings:

• Work - There may be major challenges to working during this month including blackout dates, weather and travel problems, and numerous people out of the office for vacations and illnesses.  For those of us trying to accomplish project work, December can be a trying month.
• Holidays - The demands of the holidays include last minute gift buying, home decorating, attending events and parties, and hosting parties all of which can be extremely stressful.
• Family - There's nothing like family to bring out the best and worst in us.  Your relatives know your vulnerabilities and are adept at pushing your buttons.  And blended families have their added stresses during the holidays.

How can we take responsibility for our emotional well being during this challenging time?  I've written these ten tips and immediate action steps to help you take charge of your emotional well-being so that you not only survive but thrive during this month and the holiday season.

Ten Tips for Emotional Responsibility This Month

Tip #1 - Be emotionally aware. 

Strive to be as aware as possible of your feelings.  This may be obvious if we are exploding with anger or jumping with joy.  But we also need to pay attention to a dull ache in our stomach, a looming sense of dread, or a negative cloud around people or events.  Don't ignore or numb out from your feelings.

Do Now:  Take action to protect yourself during this season.  A helpful reminder of common emotional hot buttons is the HALT acronym.  HALT stands for hungry, angry, lonely, and tired.  When we are feeling any of those things, we are extremely vulnerable emotionally.  We can easily go off on someone or have an emotional breakdown.  Try to recognize when you are vulnerable and take steps to remedy the situation. 

Tip #2 - Drink with care. 

Alcohol can serve to numb or detach you from your emotions and hence is the reason many people use (and abuse) it.  Detaching from emotions is not a success strategy!  Better to use your awareness of emotions to figure out what they are trying to tell you.  And be especially careful about drinking at the company holiday party!  Don't finish the year on a down note by overindulging with those you work with.

Tip #3 - Plan Ahead.

Make plans to do the things you want to do or get together with people you want.  Don't wait for things to happen to you or react to the invitations of others, make plans to do the things that you find nurturing.

Do Now:  Get out the calendar now and block out the time for the activities and events that you want to do and that you find nourishing.  Be prepared to say no to invitations that don't nourish you; you aren't obligated to attend any events you don't want to attend.

Tip #4 - Work Ahead.

There is often a lot to be done around the holidays.  We have to prepare for parties, buy gifts, run errands, and attend events.  If you tend to procrastinate, choose to do it differently this year.  Get in front of the curve with your gift buying.  Make a list of who you need to buy for and tackle it early on.  Shop online to make it even easier.  A closet full of wrapped and labeled gifts will leave you feeling more peaceful and happy and help you to give to others with a cheerful heart, instead of a resentful one.  It truly is better to give than receive especially when you are out in front of it.

Do Now:  Buy an extra gift or two and keep them aside in case there is someone you forgot.  (I recommend you make it something you will like in case you don't have to give it away!). 

Tip #5 - Prepare Yourself. 

It helps to prepare yourself for the likely emotional moments you may experience during the holidays.  For example, you may already have a pretty good idea if you are likely to bump into your ex-spouse, your lecherous Uncle Jim, or your arch-enemy.  I don't suggest you put on a happy face or a mask when you see them, but prepare yourself mentally so you are not surprised or caught off guard.

Do Now:  If you anticipate conflict with a specific person, role play it ahead of time with your spouse or a friend.  Choose and practice an ideal or graceful response to that person well before you run into them.  By role-playing in advance, you'll increase the likelihood of responding to that person in a way that will make you feel good.

Tip #6 - Be in Community. 

Make it a point to choose to be in community rather than be alone during this month.  Reach out, take a risk and invite others to be with you or invite yourself to join them.  Create the outcomes you want instead of being a victim to circumstances.

Do Now:  Take the time now to create a list of people that you want to connect with over the holidays and make plans or reach out to them now.

Tip #7 - Get Support. 

For some people, the holidays can be a lonely time.  This may be your first Christmas alone due to death, separation, or divorce.  Be prepared for loneliness.  Reach out for SUPPORT as you need it throughout the holidays. 

Do Now:  Make a list of the people you will reach out to for support.  Call now and let them know that you might be calling them over the holidays.

Tip #8 - Nurture Yourself. 

Don't forget to take care of yourself and do the things that help you to stay balanced.  For some, taking care of yourself could be exercising, sleeping in, attending a play or going to the movies.

Do Now:  I encourage you to take some time off work for the holidays.  Though this may be a slow time or a time to get something done at work while others are away, this may not be as nurturing for you as staying home and enjoying time with friends and family.

Tip #9 - Exercise. 

Exercising has benefits on many levels.  The endorphins that come from exercise stay with us throughout the day.  We have more energy and stamina when we exercise.  Exercising will also help you to feel less guilty if you overeat during the holidays.

Do Now:  If you have an exercise routine, stick with it during this busy season.  If you have stopped exercising, re-restart now instead of waiting until for January and an additional five or ten pounds.  If possible, exercise outdoors.  While December can be a cold winter month for many people, exercising outdoors during daylight hours will help you to fight depression.  Even a short walk with a friend will go a long way toward lifting your mood.  Dress for the weather (and in layers) so that you are comfortable as you walk.

Tip #10 - Reflect. 

The end of the year can be a great time to boost your spirits by reflecting on your successes for the year.  Make some notes on those things that you are most proud of.  Don't indulge yourself in thinking about negative things that happened during the year.

Do Now:  Consider sending a handwritten note to those people who contributed to your success.

I encourage you to take action now on as many of these tips as possible to set yourself up for a great month.  By thinking ahead and working ahead, we can make this month the best in the year.  Try it and let me know what you think!

Anthony Mersino

You Can Join the Research Team

I have talked quite a bit in this blog about PMI's research into what makes project managers effective and several times have mentioned the book, Choosing Appropriate Project Managers.  Dr. Ralf Müller is one of the co-authors of that book and he has asked me for some help with his ongoing research into project management leadership competencies.  I'd like to invite you to join Dr. Müller with this important work.

Dr. Müller has a short opinion survey on the 15 leadership competencies and how they relate to project complexity.  He would be most appreciative if you would take the time to complete the following survey and email it back to him.  Here is the survey:  Questions_on_Project Complexity.doc, and here is Dr. Müller's email address:  ralf.mueller@usbe.umu.se.

Thank you,

Anthony Mersino

PS:  I am speaking on emotional intelligence and project management at the PMI Chicagoland Chapter next Wednesday, December 12.  The presentation is titled, "Smart People Dumb Mistakes".  Capacity is limited so reserve your seat now at:  http://www.pmi-chicagoland.org/news_events/presentations_2007-2008/2007_dec_chapter_mtg.php