EQ4PM

When in Doubt, be Nice!

Last week, a good friend and mentor of mine overheard a conversation I was having with one of the team leads on my program.  I was not satisfied with the leader's performance and I was not nice in my remarks about what I expected.  My friend observed the exchange between me and the team lead and she spoke up and said "When in doubt, be nice".

Her comment stung.  I pride myself on my political correctness and being nice to others.  Being called out for not being nice hurt.  And she was right.

The truth is that I have a hard time balancing being kind and getting the results that I want.  I am not suggesting that these two things are necessarily mutually exclusive, but I think that I have placed a higher premium on one than on the other.  I choose to be nice rather than to be satisfied, and this is a real problem for me.

I was recently in a weekend workshop on growing as a leader.  While the workshop helped me to spot several strengths of mine, it also revealed to me a couple of key weaknesses:

1. I don't go for my own personal satisfaction; I am OK with coming up short.
2. I am not honest with myself about my lack of satisfaction.  I am ok with feeling like a victim, rather than getting what I really want.  I don't tell the truth about what I really feel or mean.  (For more about telling the truth, see my previous post Tell the Truth).

Going for Your Own Personal Satisfaction

Let's start with the idea of going for your own personal satisfaction.  The principle of responsibility says that I am responsible for my actions and my outcomes.  If I don't get the results that I want, or if I am not satisfied, that is my responsibility and mine alone. That is all great but the problem for me is this - I am OK with being dissatisfied as it gives me something to complain about, a reason to blame someone else, a way to be a victim, or just a general 'out' about not giving it my all. 

The better approach is to go for 100% satisfaction of what I want.  This requires being clear about what it is that I want and working with others to make sure it happens.  No excuses, no complaints, and no blaming others.  Just going for what I want and not being satisfied with less.

I like what I wrote about personal satisfaction in this post from January 2009:

“Instead of seeking comfort, we should seek our own satisfaction.  In every situation, we should be monitoring our own level of satisfaction and using that as an internal gauge for whether we are doing the right thing.  My mentor Rich Blue calls this going for our 100% satisfaction.  If you seek to get 100% satisfaction out of every meeting, presentation, project assignment, and workshop, you won’t have to worry about feeling comfortable.  Being satisfied is a higher value than being comfortable.”

Let me give you a real life example.  If you are at a restaurant and you order a salad with the dressing on the side, what are the odds that the waiter will remember and bring your salad with the dressing on the side?  I do this often and I think the odds are about 90% - that is, the waiter will correctly put the dressing on the side about 9 out of 10 times.  What happens when they don't, and they bring the salad with the dressing already on it?  What do you do when that happens?

I know what I do - I eat the salad.  I will sometimes mutter under my breath, or make idle threats about reducing the tip, but I rarely draw attention to the fact that I did not get what I ordered and I am not 100% satisfied.  You see, I have been conditioned from an early age to be OK with that, to even expect that I will be disappointed and to minimize the importance of it.  This is not a healthy response for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that it builds resentment that can surface later in undesired ways.

I don't tell the Truth about my Satisfaction

The second big idea here is that I don't tell the truth about my level of satisfaction. Just like with the salad, I suck it up.  Quietly.  I tell myself it is not really important, or not worth fighting about. 

I am increasingly aware that I do better or worse with certain people or in certain situations.  With some people and in some situations, I have this large blindspot that I have come to think of as a form of 'corporate denial'.  It is as though with certain people or situations, I completely toss out my expectations the idea that I could be personally satisfied.  I am unable - no, unwilling - to clearly see the truth in what is happening and orient to my own satisfaction.  A good example of this is with authority figures.  

I am learning that this corporate denial has become so ingrained in me that I think of it as normal.  It is like the water in the fish tank that the fish cannot see or appreciate.  

Being Nice

How does all this relate to being nice?  Well, generally I am very nice.  I am often 'nice' at the expense of being effective, as I can be in the restaurant example.  The problem is that while I may be nice on the surface, underneath the surface I am hurt and angry. 

Let's be clear though - being hurt and angry is what I have co-created.  It is also what I expect to happen.  The shift that I need to make is to be crystal clear about what I want and determined to have things the way that I want them.  I need to go for 100% satisfaction for myself.  This needs to be a top priority. 

Initially, my need to go for 100% satisfaction may come at the expense of being nice.  Because I have been off balance for so long, the pendulum needs to swing the other way.  I need to have an extreme focus on my 100% satisfaction.

So for me to speak up that day and in an unkind way challenge my team lead to do their job better, was actually a grow for me and a step in the right direction.  It wasn't pretty, and I know that I can improve on that.  But I need to continue to get in there and be willing to be messy but insist that things be done the way that I want them done.

I'd be interested in hearing your thoughts and reactions, in particular if you pride yourself on being a nice guy or nice girl.

Cheers,

Anthony

 

 

 

Forrester Research Puts Emotional Intelligence At Top Of List of PM Capabilities

A recent article in CIO magazine emphasizes the importance of emotional intelligence to IT project managers.  The article refers to a recent report from Forrester Analyst Mary Gerush titled, "Define, Hire and Develop Your Next Generation Project Managers".  As a result of her research, Analyst Gerush published a list of the top 10 Capabilities of Next Generation Project Managers.   

I am not sure exactly what Ms. Gerush meant by "Next Generation Project Managers" or how helpful I find that distinction.  In my experience, these key capabilties apply to all project managers, current and Next Generation. 

Strikingly, emotional intelligence dominates the list of 10 capabilities needed by these Next Generation Project Managers.  Not only was Emotional Intelligence listed as the #1 capability, the next three were all part of the Framework for Emotional Intelligence for Project Managers.  For more background on emotional intelligence for project managers, read these previous posts. 

#1 - Emotional Intelligence: The ability to pick up on events and interactions (both verbal and non-verbal) and to process those inputs in the context of the project plan.  (Note:  These are addressed in the framework in the domains of Self-awareness and Social Awareness.)

#2 - Adaptive Communication: The ability to articulate one's ideas--whether orally or in writing--to a range of individuals, groups and cultures using the most effective communication techniques for each group. (Note:  This is addressed in the framework under the domain of Team Leadership.)

#3 - People Skills: The ability to quickly build and maintain positive relationships with team-members and stakeholders. (Note:  This is addressed in the framework under the domain of Relationship Management.)

#4 - Management Skills: The ability to serve, motivate and focus a team and to foster collaboration among team members.  (Note:  This is addressed in the framework under the domain of Team Leadership.)

If you want to immediately make an impact on your own capabilities in these 4 areas, you can read through the previous posts on this site and boost your understanding of emotional intelligence and how to apply it to project management.

Here are the rest of the 10 capabilities of Next Generation Project Managers as defined in the article at CIO Magazine: 

#5 - Flexibility: The willingness and ability to change one's approach to project management and/or course of action in response to business needs.

#6 - Business Savvy: Knowledge of the organization's business, strategy and industry. Ability to understand a strategy and align tactical work around that strategy.

#7 - Analytical Skills: The ability to think through problems and decisions.

#8 - Customer Focus: The ability to understand the end-user or end customer's needs and the drive to ensure that projects meet those needs.

#9 - Results-Orientation: The ability to get things done efficiently and effectively.

#10 - Character: The project manager should have an appealing personality and a strong moral and ethical character.

You can order a copy of the report from Forrester here:  Define, Hire and Develop Your Next Generation Project Managers.  Just be prepared to shell out $499.  As an alternative, you could buy my book (Emotional Intelligence for Project Managers) at Amazon.com for $13.57 and save yourself $485.  That seems pretty intelligent to me.  But then again, I think I might be a Last Generation Project Manager.

Cheers!

Anthony

Boost Your People Skills at Starbucks or the Beach

I am excited to announce that through a partnership with Prodevia Learning, my Introduction to Emotional Intelligence Course is now available as a distance learning course.  This 'course in a book' is worth 25 PDUs for those of you who are certified project managers. 

This means that individuals can learn about emotional intelligence and boost their people skills almost anywhere, including Starbucks or the beach.  In fact, here is a list of some of the other places where you will likely see people taking this course to learn about how to use emotional intelligence to be a better project manager:

• At work
• Your local library
• On the back patio 
• Poolside
• At the Chicago Art Institute (admission is free from 5:00 to 8:00 on Thursdays)
• In the bathroom at the airport (I don't recommend this in Minneapolis)
• Or, my personal favorite, Cancun (see photo below)

If you are interested in taking the course, you can get a discount by telling them that you know me.  Actually, you just need to write me and get the code to get the course for $75 off the list price.  Let me know if you are interested.  And follow this link for more information:  Prodevia Learning, Emotional Intelligence for Project Managers.

Cheers!

Anthony

What's Up With Your Nick?

I joined a new consulting project last month at a great company.  I am leading a small IT project team implementing a vendor software package.  It is pretty standard stuff and the only thing that makes it challenging is the vendor; they seem destined to irritate and disappoint the customer.

Anyway, I have a member of my team who reminded me of many of the serious IT professionals I have worked with in the past.  She is smart, experienced, technically adept, and hard working.  But she is also abrasive, short, sarcastic, difficult to manage, evasive, and adversarial.

Her behavior generally isn't an issue and I found myself willing to overlook and work-around this individual's idiosyncrasies in order to get the job done.  I tried to be charming, flexible, and even funny and I tried to forget that it sucked to be ignored and avoided, this persons M.O.

I didn't take it personally though.  This person seems to pretty much treat everyone the same.  And they are not alone.  It made me think about all the IT professionals that I've worked with who operated the same way.  It also reminded me of Nick Burns. 

Nick is the Saturday Night Live character from a few years back.  Played flawlessly by Jimmy Fallon, Nick is rude, sarcastic, caustic, and obnoxious.  He is the stereotypical IT consultant. 

We all know at least one Nick Burns.  If you work as an IT project manager, you probably know more than one and chances are that you have one or more on your project team.  On the one hand, it keeps our job exciting.  On the other, sometimes it is just a pain in the butt.

I was thinking a lot about Nick and about the individual on my project team.  If I apply what I know about Social Awareness and Empathy, then I should try to put myself in their shoes.  So I did and this is what I came up with.

"Hi, I am Nick.  I have my MCSE, Oracle, SAP and UNIX certification.  I have been working on computers since I was 11.  I read six different technical magazines each week and I am a moderator for the extreme programming local interest group.  I built my own home computer using a quad-core motherboard and two 4.1 Ghz processors.  Work is a joke.  Most of the people I work with are total morons except for 1 guy in my department.  We laugh at the stupid things those jokers come up with."

My judgment is that most of the Nick's out there are primarily scared and angry.  They are scared that others will think they are losers or not smart which is their deepest darkest secret.  They are also scared that they won't be loved or appreciated.  Their biggest hunger is to matter; to be important.  While they are generally anti-social, they really do not want to be ignored.  That is why they put themselves into positions of helping so that they can prove over and over again that they know what they are doing.  They often create their own problems or crisis so that they can ride in and save the day.

They are angry about not being seen as valuable, that others are promoted above them and are paid more (even when they don't work hard or are total morons), they are victims of the (fill in the blank) vendor/company/business users/project managers/spouse/pointy haired boss.  They are angry about having to constantly stay on top of technology, stay ahead of trends, and make up for the ignorance of everyone around them.

If you have a Nick on your team, I would love to hear your assessment of him/her and what you think are their primary emotions.

Thanks, Anthony

Twenty Emotional Intelligence Tips from AllPM

This month I was one of the guest contributors over at ALLPM.com where the theme was emotional intelligence for project managers.  I contributed the following list of daily tips for project managers and after looking at them, I realized they are pretty good!  So here are the 20 tips of the day from ALLPM.com, grouped according to the emotional intelligence framework for project managers shown below.  Enjoy!

1. SELF-AWARENESS

Tip of the Day #1 - David Caruso and Peter Salovey said that "emotions are information". Are you able to fully experience your emotions at work and use them as information? Or do you try to "leave emotions at the door" when you arrive at work? Try logging every emotion you feel throughout the day today. Later tonight, spend some time reflecting on those emotions and see if you can understand the information that each emotion provides.

Tip of the Day #5 - Do you recognize when you are experiencing feelings during the day? A simple technique for increasing emotional self-awareness is to track emotions during the day using SASHET, an acronym for Sad, Angry, Scared, Happy, Excited and Tender. Keep a SASHET tally sheet today and see if there are patterns in the emotions you feel and those you don't feel.

Tip of the Day #6 - Sarcasm is usually an indication that someone is both angry and scared. When you hear sarcasm, you should ask yourself what that person is angry and scared about. This is doubly important if you are the one using sarcasm. I challenge you to make note of the times today that you hear sarcasm being used and looked behind the sarcasm to the emotions of the individual.

Tip of the Day #7 - Most of us cringe when we hear negative feedback or criticism. Feedback is a gift. Even critical feedback usually contains some kernel of truth that helps us grow if we are open to it. When we hear critical feedback, we need to get over our own defensiveness, listen carefully, and ask probing questions that lead us to that kernel of truth. Our greatest growth opportunities will come from those ‘gifts’ from others.

Tip of the Day #10 - Self-confidence is when we are grounded, secure, and self-assured. It’s easy to be rattled or thrown off our game by a recent setback or failure. One technique for overcoming a lack of self-confidence is to reflect on our past successes. Create a timeline on a piece of paper and mark on it the successes, small and large, that you have experienced over your career. By reviewing our past successes, we can put our current setbacks into perspective and see them as temporary.

2. SELF-MANAGMENT

Tip of the Day #3 - There are times when we remain unruffled by others and times when we react strongly. Pay attention to those times when you let other people push your buttons. What are the specific conditions where you are likely to let your guard down? Is it when you are tired, stressed, sick, feeling unappreciated or criticized, or not taking care of yourself? Try to avoid putting yourself in those situations where you aren’t able to choose a graceful response.

Tip of the Day #9 - Many of us work in environments that are stressful. We can remain graceful and unruffled when we learn to reduce our own stress level. I have found that laughing out loud, going for a walk, spending time with people I like, breathing techniques, and prayer or meditation help me to unwind. Select one of these techniques and practice it today, even if you don’t really need it.

Tip of the Day #11 - Perfectionists find that people never quite measure up to their expectations. They can be just as hard on themselves as well. Instead of going for perfection, strive for excellence which can be defined as doing your very best in every situation. Celebrate excellence and don’t get sucked into thinking that everything needs to be perfect.

Tip of the Day #15 - Some of us set ourselves up for stressful situations or negative outcomes by arriving late or unprepared for early morning meetings with team members or other project stakeholders. This can cause us to lose momentum or feel lousy for the rest of the day. Next time you have an important meeting, try getting to bed early, getting up early, and getting in to work before everyone else. Allow yourself some quiet time to review your notes and objectives for the meeting as well as to think about the emotions of each person that will be attending. Your calmness and quiet confidence will show clearly and even be contagious.

3. Social Awareness

Tip of the Day #8 - If you want to boost your standings with your project team, learn to listen with empathy. This includes giving others your full attention when they are speaking and letting them speak instead of interrupting or finishing their sentences. When they have expressed themselves, respond with empathy and emotions (e.g. that sounds tough, you sound sad). Finally, ask them what you can do to help. Don’t assume that you have to solve their problems or tell them what to do.

4. RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT

Tip of the Day #2 - Project management is about getting work done through others. Rarely is anything of significance done by one person working alone. It is the relationships we build with our team members and other stakeholders that determine how effective we will be as project managers. Take an honest assessment of the most important stakeholder relationships for your current project. Make it a point today to meet with those individuals with the objective of improving your relationship with them.

Tip of the Day #4 - Mom always said “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all”. Unfortunately that approach can lead to a dangerous buildup of hurts over minor and major issues. A better approach is to keep short accounts with people by saying, “I don’t like it when you do/say X”. This frees us up from holding on to resentments and avoids a major explosion down the road.

Tip of the Day #12 - Picnicking is a term for people who eat their lunches alone at their desk, ostensibly because of their workload. This is isolating and keeps us out of relationship. Instead of eating alone, make it a point to go to lunch with a co-worker, team member, or a project stakeholder. The relationship you will build will produce benefits far greater than what you would gain by working through lunch at your desk.

Tip of the Day #13 - While we all strive to do our best to build relationships, we will invariably find that we don’t always get along with others. If you find yourself consistently having relationship problems, look for patterns of those problems. Since we are the common denominator in our relationships, we may be the cause of the pattern of breakdowns. Some of us unknowingly carry emotional baggage with us. By becoming aware of the pattern, we empower ourselves to do something about it.

Tip of the Day #14 - People tend to thrive on positive recognition and acknowledgment and wither on criticism. Since it was always easier for me to point out what was wrong than to recognize what was right, I had to push myself and build routines into my day and week to be more encouraging. One technique I found helpful was to keep a log of when I recognized various team member’s positive contributions. Try keeping a tally sheet of your team and mark down whenever you are able to recognize one of your team members. Strive for at least one positive or encouraging comment per person each day.

Tip of the Day #18 - Relationship-building is a task you will rarely find on a project plan or in a WBS. However, as a project manager, building relationships with project stakeholders is a major success factor. Don’t leave stakeholder relationships to chance; give this activity the same importance as other project management tasks. Add relationship building tasks to your ‘to do’ and ‘action item’ lists, block out time on your calendar for relationships, and track your progress in this important area.

5. TEAM LEADERSHIP

Tip of the Day #16 - The project manager has the opportunity to establish ground rules, values, or expectations for the behavior of the team. If you don’t set those up at the start of the project, you may be surprised to find that people behave badly and team members don’t respect you as the leader. Try working with your team to create a contract for behavior early in the project lifecycle. This will make everyone a part of the process and accountable for enforcing whatever rules are agreed.

Tip of the Day #17 - My mentor Robb used to say that you live or die by your project team. Getting the best resources is critical to your success; this shouldn’t be left up to chance or to the resource managers in your company. You will attract and retain great project resources when you develop your interpersonal skills (like emotional intelligence), lead with integrity, and create a positive project environment.

Tip of the Day #19 - Holding others accountable is a key part of the project manager’s job; if you are not doing it you are not leading. I sometimes find it challenging to hold senior managers, clients, or project sponsors accountable because I fear confrontation with them. It has helped me to pinpoint the source of my fear, challenge whether it is valid or not, and then move forward through the fear. It also helps to have a tool like a Responsibility Matrix to clearly communicate who is accountable for project activities.

Tip of the Day #20 - As the leader of the team, the project manager sets the emotional tone for the group. Do you emote positive feelings and create what Daniel Goleman calls “resonance”? Or do you tend to give off negative vibes and create “dissonance”? Take time today to ask one or two of your current team members if they experience you as positive and encouraging. Listen as quietly as you can, without defending, and try to note at least one or two things you can do differently to boost your resonance level.

Take Your Own Emotional Intelligence Assessment

A common question I have been getting at my presentations on emotional intelligence is "how do I assess my own emotional intelligence?"  Are you curious about your own emotional intelligence and how you measure up?  Have you taken an online or paper-based assessment test?

For my emotional intelligence workshops for project managers, I have been using the TalentSmart EIAppraisal instrument because it is fast and easily available on line.  At $35, it is one of the lowest cost and most affordable assessments.  Unfortunately, it doesn't match the curriculum I am teaching for project managers. 

So I decided to create my own.  For anyone who doesn't want to spend $35 for a quick emotional intelligence assessment, I am offering this new EQ assessment tool at a great price.  It is fast, available on line, and very affordable (OK, it's free).  I won't even ask you to register to download it.  I would ask that you provide some feedback, if possible, about whether you found it helpful or not.

The unique thing about this particular instrument is that it is geared to project managers.  In fact, it is the only emotional intelligence assessment tool that is developed specifically for project managers based on the competencies that are critical to project manager's success. 

The assessment is based on the emotional intelligence framework (see right) that I adapted from Daniel Goleman's books (Working with Emotional Intelligence and Primal Leadership) to include in my own book, Emotional Intelligence for Project Managers.

This is a Beta version so I am expecting it to evolve over the next few months into something much more robust.  Please give the tool a test drive and if you feel so inclined, I would love to get your feedback.    If enough people find it helpful and provide constructive feedback, I will update it and make it available as an online tool that is self scoring with the capabilities to provide you with a comparison of your score to other project managers.  If there is other information you'd like to know, email me or comment here.

You can take the updated version of this assessment by following this link (updated as of 12/27/2007):  Take the NEW AND IMPROVED SURVEY

Cheers!

Working with Difficult People #02

As the second installment of working with difficult people, I'd like to examine some of the profiles of difficult people from Stanley Bing's very entertaining book Crazy Bosses.  True to it's name, the book talks about the various psychopaths who make it into the ranks of management as crazy or difficult bosses.  Bing focuses on 5 categories of lunatic managers:

1. The Bully
2. The Paranoid
3. The Narcissist
4. The Wimp
5. The Disaster Hunter

Let's look at a quick profile of each of these from Bing's books and share some tips for dealing with them.

The Bully

The profile of the bully is someone who is moody and often rageful, inconsistent, manipulative, aggressive, insensitive, and difficult to deal with.  A real life example is Joseph Stalin who thought little of killing millions of his own people to promote his own agenda.

Dealing with Bullies 

Bullies keep their subordinates off balance.  So it is helpful to expect the unexpected when dealing with bullies so that you are not surprised.  I once had a bully program manager who would strive to come in earlier than I did and find out about any problems that occurred overnight so he could berate me for them.  Once I learned to expect his surprise morning attacks he stopped doing them because they were no longer effective in upsetting me.

Keep your distance.  Bullies are the types that hurt the ones they love the most and those closest to them.  So don't get close to them.  Having a bully boss may be a good time to start working from home.  Be careful though because bullies place a premium on loyalty and severely punish anyone they perceive as disloyal.  So try to strike a balance between being loyal without getting too close.  Stay out of the kill zone.

You never know when ou are going to need a friend so maintain good relationships with everyone else.  Try to stay on good working terms with your peers and other managers in the organization. 

That bully program manager I had was brutal.  He thrived on teasing and belittling others.  He loved to go on the attack during meetings and usually singled out those who appeared weak.  I survived by being compliant, by keeping my distance, and by using humor to deflect his attacks.  It wasn’t easy though and his constant barrage of attacks took a toll on me.  I was relieved to finally be able to leave his organization when the chance came. 

The Paranoid

The profile of the paranoid is someone who is afraid, very afraid.  They don't trust others and suspect that everyone has their own personal agenda because the paranoid has an agenda.  They read malice into everything they see and imagine everyone to be focused on bringing them down. They keep track of every real and imagined hurt and are on the lookout for ways to pay back others.  A real life example is President Richard Nixon. 

Dealing with the Paranoid:

Like the Bully, the Paranoid may experience rapid swings of emotions.  Frequently fearful, they can also go on the attack with anger and rage at the slightest bit of perceived disloyalty.  Under no circumstances do you want to confront or attack the paranoid; they'll never forget it and will likely seek revenge long after you have forgotten.  Finally, it is important that you exercise your own emotional self-control and confidence.  Don't get sucked into fights you cannot win. 

One characteristic of the paranoid is that they try to suck the confidence from you. To remain confident, remind yourself of the things you have done well over the years to land in the position you are in. 

The Narcissist

The profile of the narcissist is someone who is obsessed with themself.  They think of their top three priorities as me, myself, and I.  While not as dangerous as the Bully or Paranoid, they can be incapable of thinking outside the box (that is, outside of themselves).  They may think nothing of asking you to do difficult, uncomfortable, or unacceptable things.   

Dealing with the Narcissist

When dealing with the narcissist, forget thinking about anything other than them.  They are the most important star in the universe.  In fact, it has been said that the only difference between a narcissist and God is that God doesn't think he is a narcissist. 

Bing advises readers to keep the narcissist comfortable, suck up as much as you can stomach, make them effective in spite of themselves and let them take all the credit for success.  It also helps to laugh at all their jokes and fawn over everything they do.  Playing hard to get is usually ineffective with a narcissist especially since there are likely plenty of others ready to suck up if you don’t.  There may even be a long line of suckups ready to win over the narcissist.

You can see all of these techniques and other winning strategies for dealing with Narcissists simply by watching the candidates on The Apprentice suck up to Donald Trump.  Or if your stomach can take it, go for the sleaze factor and watch desparate women do anything to win over Brett Michaels or Flavor Flav on their disgusting reality TV shows.  This is one situation where I feel you can learn a lot from TV.

The Wimp

The wimp is scared.  They feel overwhelmed with the demands of their job and their own feelings of insecurity and inadequacy.  They try to read the tea leaves to lean in the right direction.  They’ll also jump to take credit for an idea once it looks like a good one, whether or not they originated it, and they distance themselves from the bad ones.  They may be found hiding out in their office where no one will ask them what they are doing.

From an emotional intelligence standpoint, I don’t see any crime in being scared.  Warriors are scared!  We all feel fear; it’s what keeps us from doing things that get us killed.
It isn’t the fear that makes individuals wimps; it is a lack of courage.  The wimp lacks the courage to move through the fear to do the right thing, in spite of the consequences.

As a group, Bing doesn't believe that wimps are very threatening.  I have to disagree though with his characterization of President George H. W. Bush as a wimp; I thought Bush did a great job during the first Iraq war.  Now if he had said President Jimmy Carter, I would have quietly agreed with him even though I like Carter's post-presidency record.

My vote for wimp would be British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain.  Which is actually a pretty wimpy vote considering he's long dead and his living relatives probably don't live anywhere close enough to be a threat to me.

Dealing with wimps is pretty straightforward.  You need to take the heat for any bad decisions or faulty plans.  You also need to show them your loyalty and love.  You won't be alone; others will want to do the same.  You will also need to look out for your career because the wimp certainly won't stick their neck out for you or promote your advancement.  Finally, though the wimp will be loathe to even recognize them let alone execute them, you need to bring forward the plans that are really needed.

I had an opportunity to have a wimp for an executive sponsor once.  Initially I thought it was OK that he never wanted to get involved in the project or meet with me.  Eventually I realized that it was hurting the project so I pushed for the meetings and his needed actions.  I had to continue to push him to take actions and it was a lot of work.  But because he was a wimp, he wouldn’t have done anything without that pushing.

The Disaster Hunter

The final type of crazy boss profiled in Bing's book is the disaster hunter.  The disaster hunter is a major accident waiting to happen.  They seek more of everything and their thirst will drive them toward brilliant failure.  They cannot contain their need for more power, sex, booze, and publicity.  Though they are successful, they thirst for more and are unable to exercise any form of self-control.  Telltale signs of the inevitable destruction are hysteria, depression, screwing up, rehab, sexual acting out, and workaholism. 

As a group, the disaster hunters can be exciting to be around if you can avoid the inevitable blowup that occurs when they flame out.  Don’t be surprised if they ignore your warnings or advice as they pursue destructive paths.

Many US politicians would be considered disaster hunters.  Bill Clinton is a likeable example of a disaster hunter; most of our congressman are less likeable yet equally disastrous (consider Tom Delay, Mark Foley, Ted Kennedy, and Larry Craig).  Bing also suggests GW Bush as an example and I have to agree, based on how Bush has pursued the war in Iraq.

Dealing with the disaster hunter is generally easier since they are often less personally threatening to you than a bully or a narcissist.  The major danger is that the disaster hunter flames out and takes you with them.  Bing advises readers to make plans for an escape route of some sort in the event the disaster hunter flames out.  If possible, maintain some distance between them and their agenda and your own. 

You might also help them to flame out if the opportunity presents itself to accelerate their departure.  Certainly do not provide them any sort of safe harbor or help them when they are on the decline.  Don’t look back.   Whatever happens, you’ll want to be calm in the face of the hysteria of the disaster hunter.

I had a peer manager some years ago that was a disaster hunter.  While not dangerous to me, his behavior certainly caused him problems.  He was on the fast track and though quite affable, he couldn’t contain his thirst for alcohol and women.  At an after work party one evening, he decided to hop on a motorcycle with another woman from work on the back.  He was severely impaired from drinking and he crashed the motorcycle which gave him a concussion and broke his pelvis and the back of his passenger.  That accident set him back but it didn’t stop his drinking.  Several years after that accident, he had a couple of DUIs and lost his license completely.  His career was no longer on the fast track and he quietly faded out.

Have you had a crazy lunatic boss?  I'd love to hear about your experiences, good and bad.

PMI is Waking Up to the Importance of Soft Skills

I spent some time exploring the new Career Framework Initiative from PMI.  The framework is intended to provide project managers, program managers, and portfolio managers with a career path or progression from one job to another.  This is likely most helpful to project managers who are wondering where their careers may go. 

I was interested to see how the PMI framework laid out so I went through the website in detail to learn all that I could.  The simple career path looks like this:

1. Project Manager Level I
2. Project Manager Level II
3. Project Manager Level III
4. Program Manager
5. Portfolio Manager

Here is a summary chart of the entire framework, showing the experience levels, education levels, qualifications and competencies by each rung on the ladder.  Download pmis_pm_career_framework.pdf

I was delighted to see that the framework does include a number of the soft skills competencies that I am focused on.  In the categories of interpersonal and leadership skills, you will find a number that are important soft skills that up to this point have not found a place in the PMBOK® Guide.  Here are some of those competencies that I have addressed in this blog and in my soft skills workshops for project managers.  These first four fell into the category of 'interpersonal' skills:

• Communicates with others
• Establishes and maintains interpersonal relationships
• Possesses good listening skills
• Resolves conflicts and negotiates with others

PMI put the remaining skills into the category of 'leadership' skills:

• Celebrates accomplishments
• Delegates work and empowers stakeholders
• Demonstrates high ethics and values
• Displays model behavior
• Displays social awareness
• Embraces diversity
• Encourages partnering
• Engages others
• Inspires others
• Possesses self-awareness
• Provides creative environment
• Recognizes contributions
• Supports team building

I am pleasantly surprised that PMI even used the emotional intelligence words like social awareness and self-awareness. 

Though not the point of the career framework, it looks through the development of the framework, PMI is starting to appreciate the importance of the soft skills to progression as a PM.  I would like to see these soft skills mapped against the career families (most have not been).

New Technology May Help Prevent Relational Breakdowns

An article on CNET describes technology invented by Nissan to keep drunk drivers from being able to start and drive their cars, thereby keeping them off the road.  It got me thinking...if we can use technology to stop people from doing destructive things with their cars, perhaps we could also use it to help them avoid destructive behaviors in our relationships.

Here are some elements of the safety system developed by Nissan to determine if drivers are too drunk to drive:

• Odor sensors on the seats detect alcohol on the breath
• Sweat detectors on the shifter knob measure perspiration
• Camera that monitors eye alertness

So what are some ways we can use technology to prevent us from causing relationship breakdowns?  I think we have to focus on anger; anger seems to be behind many of the things we do to harm our relationships.  Here are some ways in which we might let our anger go unchecked and harm our relationships:

• Email Letter Bombs
• Angry Tirades
• Crying

Let's look at each of these and see if there is some technology we can use to prevent them from occurring.

Email Letter Bombs - Email letter bombs can be a career and relationship killer.  They happen when we lose control of our anger and attempt to use email to straighten something or someone out. 

I think the technology already exists to prevent us from creating and sending email bombs, flaming emails, or even dumb instant messages.  There are grammar and spelling checkers that can be reconfigured to look for specific words or phrases (e.g. you stupid idiot, I hate you, you're an ignoramus).  You could also have a keystroke monitoring program that would check for those words and phrases and prevent you from typing them or sending them.  You could also develop a macro to run in outlook that would check for inappropriate phrases.

Angry Tirades - Another potential relationship killer would be launching into an angry tirade or going off on somebody.  Again, the technology may already exists to help prevent you from doing this.  It would simply take the reconfiguration of an existing device on the market - the implantable cardioverter defibrillator (ICD). 

The current purpose of an ICD is to jump-start a heart that is stopped or to stabilize a hear that has an irregular heartbeat.  The device uses a high voltage shock to start or stabilize a heartbeat.  However, we could quickly re-purpose one of these devices to measure a fast heartbeat - a sign that we are angry - and then deliver a high voltage shock that drops us to our knees.  That high voltage charge just might be enough to help us get over our anger and help us pause to reflect the ramifications of our situation.

There are some downsides to this approach of course.  The most obvious downside is that a fast heartbeat could result from not just Anger but also Fear and Excitement.  So, a device based on a fast heart rate might not only help us prevent our anger from boiling over, it might also harm us if we go too excited.  So for example if the Cubs won the pennant, we might get a dose of unwanted high voltage. 

Crying - In some relationships, crying is an acceptable emotional response.  However, in most work situations, crying is going to be viewed as a little bit out of place.  Especially if you use it to explain why your project is late (similar to how you might use crying with a police officer to wriggle out of a ticket). 

So what can we do to prevent crying at work?  Well, we can re-purpose the Nissan eye-monitoring camera to scan our eyes.  If excess moisture is detected, those eye-monitoring cameras could immediately trigger a high powered fan.  You could also include some sort of blast furnace to provide sufficient heat to immediately dry any tears.

I encourage you to think about creative ideas for applying technology to help us with our relationships.  Or, we could spend our time and energy focusing on being more aware of our emotional states and then managing our emotions.  Which is what this blog is (normally) all about.

Check Your New Bosses EQ BEFORE You Sign On

I read an interesting post by Guy Kawasaki about using LinkedIn technology and good old fashioned networking to check out the emotional intelligence of a prospective manager.  What a smart idea, I mean, who wants to unknowingly get stuck working for some schmuck or worse, a total psychopath?  It is easy to get nervous during an interview and forget that we need to check out the hiring manager as much as they are checking out us.

The point Guy makes is that you can use a new feature in LinkedIn to track down people that worked at that company at the same time as your prospective boss.  (By the way I tried this and was bummed to find out that you need to be a LinkedIn Business User to take advantage of this feature.  Why promote LinkedIn's premium features?)

Anyway, once you locate people who have worked at the same company as your prospective boss, you contact them and ask about the new boss.  While Guy did not call it an EQ Check, the 10 questions that he suggested you ask (well, actually Bob Sutton of the No Asshole Rule book suggested them) are classic emotional intelligence questions.  In fact, the very first question was on "kiss up and kick down" which is code for "has zero emotional intelligence" and lacks in social awareness and relationship management skills.  "Short fuse" is someone who is lacking in emotional self-control.  I won't repeat all 10 questions here but would suggest you check out Guy's blog for more detail.

Let me toss a few of my own ideas on the pile for consideration.  Here are three additional profiles of individuals you will want to avoid based on low emotional intelligence:

#1 - Micromanagers and Critics
Micromanagers and critics are people who want to control or criticize everything you do.  They often have difficulty with trust, control, and delegation.  They may be perfectionists and find fault with everything you do.  The underlying emotion for micromanagers and critics is fear.

As your boss, a micromanager can be impossible to work with.  They will check in on you too often, dictate how to do things, and always seem to know the one best way to complete a task.  They may be also perfectionists and constantly pick apart your work or ask you to revise it. 

#2 Dishonest Managers
Dishonest managers range from those who occasionally tell little white lies to those who lie compulsively and may even cheat or steal.  This category would also include those who act unethically or ask you to act in unethical ways.  The underlying emotions for dishonesty  could be anger or fear. 

A dishonest boss can misrepresent the truth about you and your efforts.  They may take credit for your work or blame you for their own mistakes.  They may project dishonesty on you and discount or discredit what you say and do.  It is especially dangerous to have a boss who asks you to act in unethical ways. 

#3 Cavemen
I am not talking about the funny cavemen from the Geico commercials here, I am thinking more like Imus.  These cavemen are the relics of the past.  They include bullies, powerfreaks, racists, and sexists.  They tell off-color jokes, use racial epitaths, or single out individuals and pick on them.  They may think they are just having fun with others by teasing when they are simply trying to cloak their aggression in humor.  They are usually men but women may also fall into this category.

As your boss, cavemen may make it a point to show you who is boss or get off on treating you like dirt.  They may try to make themselves feel more powerful by singling out you or one of your peers and trying to humiliate you in front of a group.  Or, they may make unwanted sexual overtures or discriminate against members of the opposite sex.  They may label groups of people and use derogatory language toward people who are different from themselves.

If it is too late for you and you find yourself working for someone with low emotional intelligence, be afraid, be very afraid.  The last thing you'll want to do is try to build a strong relationship with them or worse, try to straighten them out.  If you can, get out to another job at the same company or even to another company.