EQ4PM

People Skills - Not So Important to Project Managers

Do you think people skills are important to project managers?  Of course you do or you wouldn't bother reading this blog, since people skills are a major focus.  So let me ask you this, why do you think that people skills are important to project managers?  If you were to guess, I don't think you would guess the same reasons as some of our brightest writers in project management.

You see, I was reading the book by Steven Flannes and Ginger Levin called, Essential People Skills for Project Managers.  With that title, you would think the authors know a lot about people skills.  I don't know Steven at all though I have had the pleasure of working with Ginger last year on a writing project for a client.  Ginger is a fast and effective writer and a great researcher.

I was therefore surprised when I read the list of nine reasons that Steven and Ginger put forth on why people skills are so important.  In their book, they cited the following:

1. The cyclical nature of projects
2. Trend toward project-based organizations
3. Increasing complexity
4. Downsizing and outsourcing
5. Increasing customer-driven focus
6. Challenges inherent in leading in a matrix environment
7. Increase in virtual teams (I would include global teams as well)
8. Expectation that PMs are change agents
9. People skills as a risk management strategy

I cannot say that I disagree with any of these reasons.  However, I think that Steven and Ginger have missed the single most important reason that people skills are important to project managers:

Project Management is Getting Work Done Through People!

It is people that do the work of the project, people that review and accept the deliverables, and people who are our sponsors and stakeholders.  Projects are about people!

I know that you could come up with situations where you don't need other people to complete a project.  You could contrive a scenario where you were the PM, the only resource, and the main stakeholder - perhaps you are single and upgrading the kitchen in your house, by yourself.  OK, I guess you could say you don't need people.  But I wouldn't call that much of a project.

In 99.9% of all the projects out there, work is performed by people.  If you don't have people skills, you won't be a very effective project manager.

The rest of the reasons given by Flannes and Levin are also part of the equation; I just don't think they are nearly as important as the fact that projects are getting work done through people.

Your thoughts?

Anthony

What's Up With Your Nick?

I joined a new consulting project last month at a great company.  I am leading a small IT project team implementing a vendor software package.  It is pretty standard stuff and the only thing that makes it challenging is the vendor; they seem destined to irritate and disappoint the customer.

Anyway, I have a member of my team who reminded me of many of the serious IT professionals I have worked with in the past.  She is smart, experienced, technically adept, and hard working.  But she is also abrasive, short, sarcastic, difficult to manage, evasive, and adversarial.

Her behavior generally isn't an issue and I found myself willing to overlook and work-around this individual's idiosyncrasies in order to get the job done.  I tried to be charming, flexible, and even funny and I tried to forget that it sucked to be ignored and avoided, this persons M.O.

I didn't take it personally though.  This person seems to pretty much treat everyone the same.  And they are not alone.  It made me think about all the IT professionals that I've worked with who operated the same way.  It also reminded me of Nick Burns. 

Nick is the Saturday Night Live character from a few years back.  Played flawlessly by Jimmy Fallon, Nick is rude, sarcastic, caustic, and obnoxious.  He is the stereotypical IT consultant. 

We all know at least one Nick Burns.  If you work as an IT project manager, you probably know more than one and chances are that you have one or more on your project team.  On the one hand, it keeps our job exciting.  On the other, sometimes it is just a pain in the butt.

I was thinking a lot about Nick and about the individual on my project team.  If I apply what I know about Social Awareness and Empathy, then I should try to put myself in their shoes.  So I did and this is what I came up with.

"Hi, I am Nick.  I have my MCSE, Oracle, SAP and UNIX certification.  I have been working on computers since I was 11.  I read six different technical magazines each week and I am a moderator for the extreme programming local interest group.  I built my own home computer using a quad-core motherboard and two 4.1 Ghz processors.  Work is a joke.  Most of the people I work with are total morons except for 1 guy in my department.  We laugh at the stupid things those jokers come up with."

My judgment is that most of the Nick's out there are primarily scared and angry.  They are scared that others will think they are losers or not smart which is their deepest darkest secret.  They are also scared that they won't be loved or appreciated.  Their biggest hunger is to matter; to be important.  While they are generally anti-social, they really do not want to be ignored.  That is why they put themselves into positions of helping so that they can prove over and over again that they know what they are doing.  They often create their own problems or crisis so that they can ride in and save the day.

They are angry about not being seen as valuable, that others are promoted above them and are paid more (even when they don't work hard or are total morons), they are victims of the (fill in the blank) vendor/company/business users/project managers/spouse/pointy haired boss.  They are angry about having to constantly stay on top of technology, stay ahead of trends, and make up for the ignorance of everyone around them.

If you have a Nick on your team, I would love to hear your assessment of him/her and what you think are their primary emotions.

Thanks, Anthony

Emotional Intelligence Workshop for PMs - New Session Added

Last month I facilitated my first workshop on emotional intelligence for project managers.  That first session was well received overall and provided some great feedback to incorporate into the second sesson planned for early June.  Based on the positive responses of attendees from that first session, I have now added a third session on August 2nd and 3rd.

So, if you are a project manager looking to increase your emotional intelligence knowledge and skills, consider attending one of the upcoming sessions:

June 14 & 15 - Emotional Intelligence for PMs, Schaumburg IL

August 2 & 3 - Emotional Intelligence for PMs, Schaumburg IL

These workshops are intentionally kept small to facilitate interaction among participants.  Participants will get a better understanding of EQ concepts and how to apply them to real world project situations like difficult team members, unreasonable project sponsors, or stakeholders who are prone to scope creep.  Partipants will learn to:

• Understand Emotional Intelligence Concepts

• Use Emotions as a Source of Information

• Anticipate and Avoid Emotional Breakdowns

• Apply Emotional Intelligence to Manage Conflict

• Communicate with Empathy and Self-Confidence

• Leverage Emotions to Build Stakeholder Relationships

Follow the links above for more information.  Cheers!  Anthony

Great News on the Emotional Intelligence Book

I am pleased to announce that my Emotional Intelligence book for Project Managers is nearly available.  The book is now posted on both the Amazon.com and AMACOM websites.  It is available for pre-order and will be fully available in July of 2007.  I am grateful to all of you who have commented and provided feedback here and to the various sample chapters.  Thank You!

Check out the book on the AMACCOM website (the publisher). 

Check out the book on Amazon.com

Applied EQ #50: Managing Conflict using Emotional Intelligence

It has been a while since I have last posted and that is because of my focus on writing for The Project Manager's Guide to Emotional Intelligence.  Just so you don't think I have given up on the blog, here are my thoughts on Managing Conflict using Emotional Intelligence.  Let me know what you think.

Conflict is Inevitable

Most project managers would agree that conflict on projects is inevitable. Projects are built on a foundation of the conflicting constraints of time, cost, and scope.  Projects are often created to satisfy the needs of one set of stakeholders which may conflict with needs of other stakeholders.  During the execution of projects, conflict frequently surfaces over contention for resources, rewards and recognition, roles and responsibilities, team member diversity, technical decisions, reporting structures, and even individual personalities. 

Lack of emotional intelligence in project team members and stakeholders can also cause conflict.  Team members and stakeholders who experience emotional breakdowns or lack emotional self-control are like ticking time bombs.  When they detonate, they will frequently take healthy members of the team with them which could include you as the project manager.  Even team members and stakeholders with high emotional intelligence may create conflict with others when they are under stress and pressure.

Most project management experts agree that project conflict can be healthy.  Properly channeled, conflict can galvanize teams, spark creativity, and cause healthy competition.  Conflict also provides the opportunity for the project manager to show leadership with emotional intelligence competencies such as empathy, self-control, and relationship management.

If not properly channeled, conflict can stifle communication, kill creativity, and squash productivity.  Un-managed conflict will create unnecessary distractions and may encourage otherwise good team members to leave.  Teams that are not able to manage conflict may fail to reach their objectives. 

Conflict management is an essential part of the project manager’s job.  The project manager is the one who will make the difference between properly leveraging conflict or having conflict wreak havoc on the team.  Successfully recognizing and addressing conflict is part of the PM’s role. 

The first step in the process is to recognize that we have conflict.  In many cases, it won’t be difficult to see conflict.  Consider the case where I had a team member come to me and tell me “I won’t work for him anymore”, referring to a team lead who reported to me.  This team member then proceeded to tell me about all the shortcomings of this team leader, how hurt she felt, and that she didn’t want to report to him anymore.

In another example, there were two sub teams involved in a decision over two possible technical directions.  One team lead was calmly describing the two approaches and the merits and shortcomings of each.  The other team lead simply said, “any idiot can see that this is the only valid approach”. 

In each of these examples, it is not hard to see the conflict.  It would not be hard if we saw or heard two individuals arguing or even bickering with each other.  However, the signals may not always be this clear.  We need to be attuned to our environment to pick up on subtle signs that something is wrong.  Subtle signs include lack of communications, missed deadlines, poor quality deliverables, or deliverables behind schedule.  Team members may also use sarcasm or silence with each other. 

Traditional Approaches to Conflict Management

Assuming we recognize that we have project conflict, how do we go about managing that conflict?  We can start with the traditional ways managers have addressed conflicts.  Consider the five traditional modes of handling conflict as outlined in 1964 by Blake and Mouton in their book, The Managerial Grid:
• Withdrawal
• Smoothing
• Compromising
• Forcing
• Confrontation

Let’s look at each of these classic modes of conflict resolution from an emotionally intelligent perspective.

Withdrawal
We use withdrawal when we retreat or withdraw from an actual or potential disagreement.  In relation to the other approaches, withdrawal is low in terms of emotional intelligence.  In fact, withdrawal was one of the emotional breakdowns described in Chapter Four.  When we use withdrawal to deal with a conflict, we are disengaging from the relationship.  We don’t tell the truth about our feelings or our wants and needs. 

Unfortunately, withdrawal does not solve anything.  In fact, with withdrawal we don’t even acknowledge that there is a conflict.  When we use withdrawal, we aren’t really interested in solving the problem.  We don’t provide the other party the opportunity to work with us to resolve the conflict. 

Withdrawal can be successful as a short term strategy.  By separating parties in a dispute we allow the air to clear and cooler heads to prevail.  Withdrawal would be very appropriate in situations where you believe that there is a risk of physical danger to anyone.  Withdrawal could also be useful in situations where there is no long term relationship.  If you experience conflict in the last few weeks of a project, you may decide it is not worth working to resolve that particular issue.  Otherwise, withdrawal should be used sparingly. 

Smoothing
Smoothing is when we minimize or avoid areas of difference and instead emphasize areas of agreement.  As a technique for resolving project conflict, smoothing is also relatively low in terms of emotional intelligence.  Like withdrawal, when we use smoothing we are not dealing with the underlying issue that is causing the conflict.  Instead, we are avoiding the issue. 

The key difference between smoothing and avoidance is that with smoothing we try to emphasize the areas of agreements between the parties.  This is a form of focusing on the positive. 

We can use smoothing when the stakes are not very high or when we want to maintain good working relationships. 

Compromising
Compromising is when we bargain and search for solutions that bring some degree of satisfaction in a dispute.  Compromising is characterized by give and take from each of the affected parties.  Each party to the conflict must be willing to give up something to get what they want.  This is best used when the stakes are not very high and when both parties want to maintain the relationship. 

Compromising takes more emotional intelligence than withdrawing or smoothing because the issue is brought out into the open and discussed.  However, compromising requires each of the parties in the conflict to give up something.

Forcing
Forcing is when one party forces their will or viewpoint on the other party.  It is often characterized by a competitiveness between two parties and a win/lose solution. 

As you might imagine, forcing takes very little emotional intelligence.  The parties involved may see a particular conflict as one in a series of conflicts.  Each may feel that if they lose this one conflict, they can even things up later.  After a conflict is resolve, the two parties may simply be regrouping and preparing for the next battle.  Forcing is a shortsighted approach to conflict resolution. 

Forcing should be used only when time is limited, when the long term relationship is not important, or when no other solution will resolve the situation.

Confrontation
Confrontation is facing the conflict directly and using problem-solving to work through the disagreement.  When we use confrontation, we bring the conflict out into the open so that we can deal with it.  Confrontation is what Stephen Covey described as seeking a win-win solution .  As you might guess, confrontation is the highest in emotional intelligence of all the conflict resolution approaches.

I learned about using confrontation to resolve conflict in an embarrassing way.  A number of years ago I was hired as a test manager for a large systems integration project.  I was actually a co-test manager; I was to partner with another manager to complete the testing.  I found working with the co-test manager difficult to say the least.  I was organized and had experience with test planning and execution.  My fellow test manager was experienced with the technology we were using but lacked the skills to organize and execute the testing.  I became frustrated.  After some half-hearted attempts to talk to my co-test manager, I went to the project director.  I told him that I had an issue with my co-test manager.  His response was to meet him for lunch at a specific restaurant that day.

When I arrived for lunch, I was surprised to see the project director sitting in a cozy round booth with my co-test manager.   I sat down with the two of them and immediately the project director asked me what it was about my co-test manager that I needed to discuss with him.  I was embarrassed to say the least. 

The confrontation with the project director taught me a few things.  First, I learned that I should have spent more time trying to work through the issue with my co-test manager before bringing it to the project director.  Second, I learned that the reason the project director paired us up was exactly the issue I wanted to complain about – we had different strengths and skills sets.  Third, I learned that the most direct way to resolve an issue was to directly confront it. 

I try to remember these lessons when individuals come to me with issues or conflicts on a project.  I try to tell them that the shortest distance between two people is a straight line and that is the most direct way to resolve a conflict. 

Applying Emotional Intelligence to Conflict Resolution
Beyond looking at the levels of emotional intelligence in each of the conflict resolution approaches, we can use what we know to better manage conflicts.  As you might guess by now, it starts with a focus on what each party is feeling.

Conflicts involve both facts and feelings.  It is usually easy to get the facts.  That is the “he said-she said” part of the transaction.  The facts are helpful as a starting point but they are only part of the story.  We need to get beyond the facts to understand WHY those facts matter so much to the parties involved.  That requires an understanding of the underlying feelings as well as the unstated wants and needs of each of the parties. 

It is important to probe to find out what the parties in a conflict are feeling.  We need to listen emphatically and pay attention to feeling words and body language.  We may even need to ask.  I recall a situation where I had a team member who sat with his arms crossed, fiercely insisting “I am not angry”.  People in conflict will usually feeling scared, angry, or sad or some combination of all of these things.  They may be angry about critical remarks from a co-worker.  At the same time, they may be sad because their feelings are hurt and they want to be friends with the co-worker who made the remarks.  Finally, they may be scared of a confrontation or scared that they need to leave the project because of that person.

It would be unlikely that a team member involved in a conflict would be so forthright about their feelings.  More often, individuals will not be aware of the various mix of feelings they are experiencing.  This is an area where the project manager can lead or coax them to appreciate the different feelings they are experiencing. 

Understanding the feeling is the first step.  The second step is to identify the underlying want or need.  Some common wants and needs of project stakeholders are shown below:
• want to be recognized
• want to be important
• want to be productive
• want to be promoted
• want to feel part of the community
• need to make more money
• need to express themselves
• need to be loved

When we understand the underlying wants and needs of the affected parties, we understand their motivation.  Then we can work together to address the issue or conflict that is caused by the underlying want and need.  We can help each party to the conflict understand the wants and needs of the other party and to achieve their own wants and needs.

If You Are the Conflict
Our approach may vary a little if we are a part of the conflict or the cause of the conflict.  If we are part of the conflict, we need to first orient to ourselves.  The questions that we need to ask remain the same.  We need to understand what it is that we are feeling.  We will typically be sad, angry or scared.  We go further by asking what it is that we are sad, angry or scared about.  What is our underlying want or need in this situation?  How does this conflict move us closer or farther from our wants and needs? 

Once we understand where we are coming from, then we can evaluate the other person.  We start by trying to understand what they are feeling.  Then we explore what they want and need in this situation.  Then we explore ways to work with them through the conflict.  We may want to think it through on our own and then discuss it with the other party.  If it is tense or uncomfortable with just the two of you, ask for a peer manager or disinterested 3rd party to join the discussion. 

Bottom Line:  Project conflicts are inevitable; you should expect them and be prepared.  The way you manage conflict will define you as a project leader.  If you choose to calmly lead others through the conflict by exploring the emotions involved, you will strengthen your relationships and build the team.

Applied EQ #48 What is Stakeholder Relationship Management All About?

The first competency we are going to look at under Relationship Management is Stakeholder Relationship Management.  The goal of stakeholder relationship management is to strategically establish meaningful 1-on-1 relationships that are going to do the following:

• Increase our likelihood of success on the project.
• Provide some cushion to weather the inevitable storms that occur on every project
• Provide an environment which is personally satisfying

We are also going to see how the 3 previously discussed emotional intelligence domains (self-awareness, self-management, and social awareness) contribute to Relationship Management by helping us to build effective stakeholder relationships.

Are these simply outlandish claims or are these realistic goals for project managers?  I recommend that you try the techniques and find out for yourself.

What exactly do we mean when we talk about Stakeholder Relationship Management?  It is the process of systematically developing stakeholder relationships that help us with the project.  We can break it down into the following 4 steps:

1. Identify our project stakeholders
2. Collect and Analyze information about the stakeholders
3. Use that analysis to develop relationship strategies
4. Manage the ongoing relationships with the stakeholder

This post is going to focus on the first two items, identifying our project stakeholders and collecting information.

#1 Identify Project Stakeholders

Who are the project stakeholders?  The simplest way to think of them is that they are the individuals or organizations who can make or break the project.  This is an area where the Project Management Body of Knowledge (PMBOK) provides some guidance.  The PMBOK defines stakeholders as:

Project stakeholders are individuals and organizations that are actively involved in the project, or whose interests may be affected as a result of project execution or project completion.

The PMBOK goes on to identify & define the following groups of stakeholders present on every project:

Project Manager
Customer/user
Performing Organization
Project Team Members
Project Management Team
Sponsor
Influencers

The PMBOK also mentions other stakeholders such as owners and investors, sellers and contractors, team members and their families, government agencies and media outlets, individual citizens, lobbying organizations and society at large.  I don't think it worth going into that level of detail, I mean, pretty soon you have All Earth Dwellers as your set of people to worry about.  That said, I would try to cast a wide net to make sure no significant stakeholders are overlooked.  I think that the PMBOK should have included the following:

• Senior Management of the customer and performing organizations
• The Program Management Office of the customer and performing organizations
• Functional Management or Resource Management of the delivery organization
• Vendors (break into subcategories as appropriate)
• Suppliers
• End Users of the project deliverables

I took these additional categories and updated the PMBOK diagram for stakeholders to include the ones I thought were relevant.  For those of you following along in your PMBOK at home, this was figure 2-5 on page 25 of the 3rd edition.

Using the diagram and descriptions above, can you identify the relevant stakeholders for your project?  Start with the categories of stakeholders and work out who the specific names are for each category.  It is going to be important to drill down to the name level for us to be able to manage the relationships.

#2 Collect and Analyze Information about the stakeholders

Once we understand who the stakeholders are, what do we do next?  Well, we start by collecting and analyzing information about those stakeholders.  Consider the analysis the background information you need to be effective. 

Be like Jack.  Fans of the TV show 24 know exactly what Jack Bauer would do instinctively when he ran into some new character on the show.  He would immediately call Chloe and say, "Chloe, give me everything you've got on Dr. Evil.  Just do it Chloe!".

Perhaps you don't need to be so dramatic.  You do need to find out what you can about each stakeholder.  The more you know the better you will be at managing the relationship.  Start with some of the information below which starts out easy and then gets more difficult.  Some you can obtain by asking around, others will require a conversation with the stakeholder.

• Priority - Identify the priority of this stakeholder to the project.  This should be based on the ability of the stakeholder to impact the outcome of the project.  You can use a simple High, Medium, and Low or you could use a scale of 1 to 5.  We will use this to prioritize among the stakeholders.
• Role on the Project - This is the role that particular stakeholder is playing on this project (e.g.  vendor, end user, senior management).
• Position Relative to the Project - The position toward the project could be Positive, Negative, or Neutral.  Of course you can use a more elaborate scale for this including strength and direction (e.g. strong positive, weak negative).  The idea is to understand where the stakeholder stands in relationship to the project outcomes.  If you don't know, that might be an issue.  Make it a priority to find out.
• Stakeholder Objectives - Describe as succinctly as possible what it is that the stakeholder wants the project to achieve.  You might be guessing at first but put something down and then check it out when you have the opportunity.  Ask the question of the stakeholder, WIIFM? Examples of stakeholder objectives include reaching their personal or professional goals, getting promoted, reducing labor costs, increasing market share, and providing productivity tools to their staff.  Each stakeholder has some objective.  You stand a better chance of connecting with that stakeholder when you speak their language, that is, when you understand their objectives and how the project relates to those objectives.
• Facts, Passions, and Areas of Interest - This is an area where we do a somewhat subjective analysis of the person.  Use caution; anything written here should be factual and written accurately but in a way that is as inoffensive as possible.  Examples could include communications style, conflict style, membership in certain clubs or professional organizations, sports, or other personal information. 
  
  A word of caution - there are several categories of information that you should avoid documenting or document only with much thought.  This would include things like drinking habits, ethnic/racial/religious background, political tendencies, and sexual orientation.  For example, the fact that a major stakeholder is having an affair with one of the project team members may be important to know; I just don't recommend documenting it. This type of information has the potential to cause a lot of harm; proceed with extreme caution.
• Communication Style - Do these stakeholders prefer email, voice mail or phone, or 1-on-1 communications?  Do they want to hear from you regularly or only when there are problems?  This topic can tricky.  It is often helpful to have face to face meetings whenever possible but some stakeholders will guard their time.  We also need to be aware of our own preferences and use caution not to overlay that on our stakeholders.  Try to be as objective as possible. 
• Emotional Intelligence Checklist - Several posts back, we discussed Social Awareness and introduced a checklist that could be used to evaluate the emotional intelligence of an individual.  Going through that exercise for each stakeholder could provide additional insights.

There is a template that you could use to capture this information.  Click here to download a MS Word template for stakeholder management.

You might be overwhelmed by the list of information that I have suggested.  How can anyone collect all this information?  First, you don't need all of this information at the same time.  You should start at the beginning of the project with the highest priority stakeholders.  Then, build your database slowly.  Use every meeting with a stakeholder to gather a little more information about them.  View this as an ongoing activity throughout the life of the project.

Collecting this information requires you to learn to ask the right questions and then listen with empathy.  Write things down or focus on remembering it and then writing it down as soon as possible. 

I personally like to get out of the business or project environment and discuss things over lunch or dinner.  I try to ask a lot of questions and listen a lot more than I talk.  Ask questions of each individual about themselves as well as what they know about the other stakeholders.  People love to talk about themselves.  This is not a time to TALK about the project, what it is going to do, and how smart and important you are.  There will be plenty of time for that later if things go well. 

You can show a lot of interest by gathering some of the information prior to meeting with the individuals.  When they see your initiative and interest, they may be flattered.  and respect or trust you more because of it.  They may also be more open and less guarded about sharing information with you.

If you think learning as much as you can about your stakeholders is a little over the top, consider this story about Lyndon Johnson as told by reporter Christopher Matthew in his book, Hardball; How Politics is Played Told by One Who Knows the Game.  Lyndon Johnson first went to Washington DC in 1931 as Secretary to Congressman Richard Kletzberg. He stayed at the Dodge Hotel which was the home of many of the congressional staffers of that day. On his first night and the following morning, President Johnson did something very strange that he kept a secret until just months before his death:

"That night, Lyndon Baines Johnson took four showers. Four times he walked towel-draped to the communal bathroom down along the hall. Four times he turned on the water and lathered up.

The next morning, he got up early to brush his teeth five times, with five-minute intervals in between. The young man from Texas had a mission. There were seventy-five other congressional secretaries living in the building. He wanted to meet as many of them as possible as fast as possible.

The strategy worked. Within three months of arriving in Washington, the newcomer got himself elected Speaker of the "Little Congress", the organization of all House staff assistance.

In this, his Washington debut, Johnson was displaying his basic political method. He was proving that getting ahead is just a matter of getting to know people. In fact, it is the exact same thing."

I am not advocating that you get naked with your stakeholders or that you employ the same hardball tactics that President Lyndon Johnson did during his presidency. I do want to encourage you to think strategically about relationships, learning about others, and connecting with others. 

In our next post, we are going to talk about steps #3 Develop relationship strategies and action plans, and #4 Manage the ongoing relationships with the stakeholder.

Applied EQ #47: A PM Framework for Relationship Management

This post is about the EQ domain of Relationship Management and how it applies to project managers.  The PM Framework for EQ includes the following three competencies for the domain of relationship management:  Stakeholder Relationships, Developing Others, and Truth Telling.

Those of you who were paying attention to the last post are probably wondering what happened to the Mayer Salovey take on relationship management.  It's coming.  You might also be wondering why the PM Framework only has three competencies for relationship management while Goleman's framework had a whopping six.  Are project managers getting ripped off? 

Well, here is the thinking behind that decision.  I chose to make a distinction between PMs dealing with one-on-one relationships and situations where they are dealing with teams.  In the framework for Project Managers, I included stakeholder relationships, developing others, and truth telling in the Relationship Management Domain.  These competencies involve dealing one on one with individuals.  The areas where we need to work with groups fall under Team leadership.  This includes Communications, Conflict Management, and Inspirational Leadership.  All this is reflected in the newly updated EQ Model for Project Management below.

In our next post, we are going to begin to explore each of these 3 competencies within the Relationship Management Domain, starting with Stakeholder Relationships.

Applied EQ #46: The EQ Experts on Relationship Management (part 1 of 2)

As we begin to explore the EQ domain of relationship management, it might be helpful to see what the experts have to say about it.  Let's start with Daniel Goleman who is the most well known name in emotional intelligence.

It is interesting to explore Goleman's writing on Relationship Management.  Goleman's most recent framework (Primal Leadership; Realizing the Power of Emotional Intelligence, 2002) includes the following six competencies:  Inspiration, Influence, Developing Others, Change Catalyst, Conflict Management and Teamwork and Collaboration.

Hmmm, this is strange, I distinctly remember commmunication as part of Goleman's framework.  Has this changed since Goleman's book, Working with Emotional Intelligence?  Yes indeed it has.  In fact, it seems to have evolved over the last few years and over Goleman's last few books. 

So I did a bit of quick archeology and was able to trace the evolution of Goleman's framework specifically as it relates to the relationship management domain.  I guess I should point out that it wasn't even called relationship management in the beginning.  Anyway, here is the detail on the evolution from 1998 to 2003.  Note that Goleman even seems to have changed his thinking from page 39 to Appendix B within the same book! 

Confusing?  Perhaps.  Surprising?  Not really; I would expect some evolution in the framework due to the immaturity of the entire field of emotional intelligence.  Based on this progression, I would not be surprised if we see some additional evolution in Goleman's framework.

Here is a quick summary of the items in Goleman's EQ framework from page 39 of Primal Leadership:

Inspirational Leadership - Guiding and motivating with a compelling vision.

Influence - Wielding a range of tactics for persuasion.

Developing Others - Bolstering others' abilities through feedback and guidance.

Conflict Management - Resolving disagreements.

Building Bonds - Cultivating and maintaining a web of relationships.

Teamwork and Collaboration - Cooperation and teambuilding.

In our next post, we will look at what Mayer and Salovey have to say about Relationship Management.  Then we will look specifically at the emotional intelligence framework for project managers and how we have integrated some but not all of these competencies.

Applied EQ #45 - Introducing Relationship Management

Over the last few months we have discussed the application of emotional intelligence (EQ) to project management including the EQ domains of Self-Awareness, Self-Management, and Social-Awareness.  The next domain I would like to tackle is Relationship Management.  Relationship Management is to Social Awareness what Self-Management is to self awareness.  It is about using our understanding of others to build relationships with them. 

The emotional intelligence framework for project managers is shown below.  The arrow in the diagram shows our progress through the domains.  The arrow is also intended to show that the Relationship Management domain builds on the first three EQ domains.  In other words, our success in relationship management is going to be a function of our succes in self-awareness, self-management, and social awareness. 

 

What does relationship management have to do with project managers?  Most people would agree that relationships are the bedrock of life, business, and even projects.  Relationships are especially critical to project managers for the following reasons:

1. Projects are a Team Effort.  Remember that Project Management is getting work done through others.  Getting work done generally requires a team.  The success of the team is going to be largely a result of the strength of the relationships.  (Note:  I don't believe in the concept of a team of one, where the PM is also the lead resource.  A team of one can accomplish some things, but little of significance can be accomplished alone.)   
2. PMs often lack direct authority.  As compared to most managers and leaders, Project Managers are often in the position of having to lead without direct authority.  To be effective, they have to rely on more than positional power and authority to get others to accomplish what is needed. 
3. PMs need to negotiate.  PMs often need to negotiate to get what they need or to help parties reach agreement.  PMs that use relationship management to understand the emotions, wants and needs of others will become more effiective negotiators.
4. PMs are communicators.  In the project environment, the PM is often the center of communications.  They will typically have the most information about the project, and often are the one with the most complete picture.  I liken the PM to being the center hub in a hub and spoke system.  Having great information is goign to be a function of the relationships that the project manager has on the project.  For a discussion of PMs as communicators, see the post in my IT project management blog.

That is not to say that relationship management is easy for project managers.  In fact, the temporary nature of projects makes relationship building a challenge.  Why should we invest in relationships on the team if this team and the project are temporary? 

We are going to explore the topic of Relationship Management for Project Managers over the next few posts including:

• What the Experts Say about Relationship Management
• The PM Framework for Relationship Management - Stakeholder Relationships and Telling the Truth
• The role of your Family of Origin in Relationship Management
• Principles of Relationship Management
• Techniques for Improving your Relationships Management on Projects

Applied EQ #43 - Emotional Boundaries (part 2 of 2)

In part 1 of Emotional Boundaries, we talked about the importance of emotional boundaries and some warning signs of individuals with boundary issues.  Recognizing individuals with boundary issues is necessary for project managers.  Otherwise, our efforts to be more emotional in the work environment can be risky.  Individuals with boundary issues will play the victim, expect you to act in certain ways, or create other problems for you.  In this post, we are going to talk about how to deal with those individuals with boundary issues as well as provide links for individuals seeking more information.

A key concept of emotional boundaries is that we are responsible for our own emotions and only those emotions.  It is unhealthy for us to become too concerned with the emotions of others.  This can be a fine line for project managers (and other leaders) looking to affect the emotions of those around them.  What is the difference between healthy concern and unhealthy concern for the emotions of others?  How exactly do we respect our own emotional boundaries and those of others?

1. Respond appropriately.  How we respond to the emotions of others is a key to our own emotional sanity.  While we want to use empathy to understand the feelings of others, we need to be careful not to become "hooked in" to the emotions they are experiencing.  We need to exercise our own self-control in emotional and stressful situations.  We need to chose our response carefully.  For example, if we can remain calm and steadfast when others are angry, we can help to defuse that anger.  We don't need to ramp it up and get just as angry as the other person.

2. Take Responsibility.  Our own response should include taking responsibility for our own feelings.  When I take responsibility for my own feelings, I acknowledge that they are my feelings and that I have a choice about them.  Before we can take responsibility we have to be self-aware enough to know what it is we are feeling. 
   
   This could be as simple as saying "I feel angry when you come late to the weekly status meeting".  Do you see how this is subtly different from saying "you made me angry"?  That is the difference between being responsible for our feelings and being a victim of others.  That feeling of anger is a choice that we made based on the circumstances.

3. Let Them Be.  The flip-side of our responsibility is letting others be responsible for their feelings.  We cannot control others.  Often we need to simply let them have their reaction to our words or actions.  If they are going to be angry or sad, let that happen.
   
   This can be tricky for project managers.  We want to understand the impact of our actions, emotions, and decisions on the individuals on our teams.  But we should not necessarily change just because someone is going to get angry or sad.  We need to let them have their reaction.
   
   I recall an incident a few years ago where I had a team member who thought he should be promoted to a team lead.  I remember the angst that I felt since I knew he wasn't the best person for the job.  I put off the decision because I knew he was going to be angry.  Instead of simply making the announcement and letting that person have his reaction, I tiptoed around it for nearly a month.  I lacked sufficient courage to simply let that person be, and let them have their reaction to the decision.  I was afraid of his anger.
   
   If you don't learn to let others have their reaction, you will not be going for yourself.  You will be at the mercy of other people's emotions.  You will be continually looking outside yourself and playing it safe. 

4. You cannot fix other people.  An important lesson to me with regards to emotional boundaries is that I could not fix other people.  While we want to strive to be as aware of the people on our team or in our environment, becoming aware of others is very different than fixing others.  Trying to fix other people is an exercise in futility.
   
   

   Trying to fix other people is an exercise in futility.

5. Apply the Formula.  There is a mini-formula that is often cited for working through boundary issues.  Robert Burney, though not the originator, creatively calls this a formula for emotionally honest communications.  It goes like this: 
   
   "when you do... __________" (some behavior or action),
   "I feel..._________" (an emotion, such as sad or angry)
   "because...____________" (the reason)
   "I want...______________" (here is what I want in the future). 
   
   In the abstract, this may sound somewhat, well, formulaic.  Let's look at how you might apply this in the project environment.  Consider a situation when you have someone on your team doing something which makes you angry.  I had one like this once; several team leads who reported to me would drink alcohol at lunch and then return to work on the project.  Here is one way I could have handled the situation.
   
   "Tim, when you drink at lunch, I feel angry because I think it affects your performance and lowers the standards for our entire team.  I want you to drink responsibly and not come to work under the influence of alcohol." 

6. Seek Professional Help.  If you are struggling to deal with individuals on your team who have boundary issues, you might benefit from professional help.  A trained therapist, counselor, or psychiatrist might help you to prepare better for dealing with those people. 

The books published on emotional intelligence are surprisingly thin when it comes to emotional boundaries.  If you are interested in learning more, you may need to look to the Internet.   Here are some additional resources I have found on emotional boundaries.

1. This post from SHEblog.net was interesting.  Heck, just the idea of a SHE blog is interesting.  Based on the post frequency, this weblog may now be defunct.  Anyway, there is a post about emotional boundaries written by Roger Cavnaugh. 
2. For an in depth discussion of emotional boundaries, review this post from Sanctuary for the Abused.  Just a warning that the site plays some of the most loud and annoying music imaginable so you might want to turn down the volume prior to clicking. 
   
3. Try this group of articles on personal boundaries from grief therapist and author, Robert Burney, referenced above; be sure to scroll down to find the appropriate section.
4. This post from Patience Mason meanders a bit but has some helpful information on understanding boundaries.
5. Another resource for dealing with all categories of difficult people is the book Coping with Toxic Managers, Subordinates ...And Other Difficult People: Using Emotional Intelligence to Survive and Prosper, by Roy H. Lubit.