EQ4PM

Forrester Research Puts Emotional Intelligence At Top Of List of PM Capabilities

A recent article in CIO magazine emphasizes the importance of emotional intelligence to IT project managers.  The article refers to a recent report from Forrester Analyst Mary Gerush titled, "Define, Hire and Develop Your Next Generation Project Managers".  As a result of her research, Analyst Gerush published a list of the top 10 Capabilities of Next Generation Project Managers.   

I am not sure exactly what Ms. Gerush meant by "Next Generation Project Managers" or how helpful I find that distinction.  In my experience, these key capabilties apply to all project managers, current and Next Generation. 

Strikingly, emotional intelligence dominates the list of 10 capabilities needed by these Next Generation Project Managers.  Not only was Emotional Intelligence listed as the #1 capability, the next three were all part of the Framework for Emotional Intelligence for Project Managers.  For more background on emotional intelligence for project managers, read these previous posts. 

#1 - Emotional Intelligence: The ability to pick up on events and interactions (both verbal and non-verbal) and to process those inputs in the context of the project plan.  (Note:  These are addressed in the framework in the domains of Self-awareness and Social Awareness.)

#2 - Adaptive Communication: The ability to articulate one's ideas--whether orally or in writing--to a range of individuals, groups and cultures using the most effective communication techniques for each group. (Note:  This is addressed in the framework under the domain of Team Leadership.)

#3 - People Skills: The ability to quickly build and maintain positive relationships with team-members and stakeholders. (Note:  This is addressed in the framework under the domain of Relationship Management.)

#4 - Management Skills: The ability to serve, motivate and focus a team and to foster collaboration among team members.  (Note:  This is addressed in the framework under the domain of Team Leadership.)

If you want to immediately make an impact on your own capabilities in these 4 areas, you can read through the previous posts on this site and boost your understanding of emotional intelligence and how to apply it to project management.

Here are the rest of the 10 capabilities of Next Generation Project Managers as defined in the article at CIO Magazine: 

#5 - Flexibility: The willingness and ability to change one's approach to project management and/or course of action in response to business needs.

#6 - Business Savvy: Knowledge of the organization's business, strategy and industry. Ability to understand a strategy and align tactical work around that strategy.

#7 - Analytical Skills: The ability to think through problems and decisions.

#8 - Customer Focus: The ability to understand the end-user or end customer's needs and the drive to ensure that projects meet those needs.

#9 - Results-Orientation: The ability to get things done efficiently and effectively.

#10 - Character: The project manager should have an appealing personality and a strong moral and ethical character.

You can order a copy of the report from Forrester here:  Define, Hire and Develop Your Next Generation Project Managers.  Just be prepared to shell out $499.  As an alternative, you could buy my book (Emotional Intelligence for Project Managers) at Amazon.com for $13.57 and save yourself $485.  That seems pretty intelligent to me.  But then again, I think I might be a Last Generation Project Manager.

Cheers!

Anthony

Tell the Truth - Part 1

This post is part of a new series that I call "Soft Skills for Hard Time; How to be Your Best When the Economy is a Mess".  My goal is to get you to appreciate that your security comes from within and you can increase your security and value to the marketplace by investing in your soft skills.

People laugh when I say that we should tell the truth.  They say that of course you need to tell the truth.  I am not necessarily talking about telling the truth in big ways like, “I did not have sexual relations with that woman”.  What I am talking about is truthfulness and integrity across all of our communications.  It also means being able to tell the truth in a way that is responsible and not mean-spirited.  And it means not leaving things out or telling only part of the truth.

I find that I really appreciate people that tell the truth.  In the movie Liar Liar, Jim Carey plays an attorney.  For a short period of time, he cannot tell a lie.  As a result, he finds that both his personal and professional life becomes untenable.  My favorite part of the movie is when he is asked to say something about each of his co-workers gathered together in a conference room.  Since he must tell the truth, he tends to say the things that everyone knows about each other but no one else is willing to say.  Everyone finds it hilarious as he goes around the large conference table saying what everyone has thought about but never said out loud. 

Unless you are ready to make a job change, I suggest that you think twice before you go into work and try to do the same.  But I would contend that people that can tell the truth in a direct and responsible way are valued.  Think about your close friends and co-workers.  Do you value the ones who "tell it like it is" or always let you know where they stand?  I know I do. 

Telling the truth is a key part of the emotional intelligence competence of relationship management.  Truth is critical to effective relationships. 

The challenge for many of us is that we have been taught that telling the truth is not a good idea when it comes to others.  Each of us were taught some rules about what is OK to say and what is not.  Take a look at the following spoken and unspoken rules from my childhood and see if you can predict the impact that the rule had on my ability to tell the truth as an adult.

1. If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.
2. Children should be seen and not heard.
3. Respect your elders
4. We don't talk about things outside of our family

Look at each of these rules from a “truthfulness” point of view - do you think that these rules would tend to shape children into truth tellers?  Well, no.  In fact, my tendency in the past would have been to say nothing so that I didn’t hurt anyone’s feelings.  Or, I would leak out my "truth" in a very sarcastic or mean-spirted way. 

If I want to be a strong leader and project manager, I need to be able to tell the truth as directly and responsibly as possible.  Tellling the truth makes me trustworthy, it attracts followers, and helps me to build strong relationships with others.  I know all that but I still find it challenging some times due to my early childhood training. 

Not long ago, I was responsible for a critical IT program and I reported directly to the executive sponsor.  One day prior to a large program review, I received an email from my sponsor's manager "Gary", who was also a critical stakeholder.  Gary said he wanted a program update directly from me.  He said he wanted the unfiltered truth about the state of the program.   

I was flattered and excited.  He wants to hear from me!  Wow, I must be important.  We had the call on a Friday morning, before a broader program review with my sponsor and other key stakeholders.   I was pretty blunt and straightforward when I shared my thoughts and recommendations with Gary.  I think I may even have quietly congratulated myself on what a good truth-teller I had become.  I did not, however, tell my sponsor about the call.

Later that day, in the middle of the broader program review, Gary dropped a bomb.  Out of nowhere he said something like "this was one of the things that I asked Anthony about when we spoke this morning".  Ouch!  I did not see that coming.  My sponsor didn't say anything (out loud), but his body language spoke volumes!  In fact, he did not say another word to me that day. 

It was clear that he didn't like being blindsided.  Duh!  I should have let him know I was going to talk with his boss about the program.  I went from feeling like someone important to feeling like a snitch.  I felt like a total schmuck for not telling the complete truth to my sponsor.  

Later that day, I caught up with my sponsor and I apologized for not telling him about the call.  I told him that I would always let him know whenever I had any type of conversation with his boss.  He said that it was OK and I think that I repaired some of the damage, but I know that my actions that day cost me big time in terms of his trust.

So do you think you are good at telling the truth or in need of some help?  Here are some action steps to help you improve in this area.

1. What are the spoken and unspoken messages you learned about telling the truth as you were growing up?  If you don't remember, call your siblings and see if they do.  Dig in to see how those rules affect you and your relationships now as an adult.  
2. What are those areas where you are challenged to be entirely truthful?  What can you do to be more truthful?

Still Time to Participate in the Current EQ and PM Research

A few weeks back I posted about some research currently underway for emotional intelligence, project management and leadership.  Well, I just heard from Sriram Rajagopalan that he is about 50% complete with his research on emotional intelligence and it's role in the leadership of virtual teams.  With just two weeks left on his survey project, you still have time to participate and to receive the results.

Here is the link to the survey - http://www17.brinkster.com/shreesundar/survey.  I hope you will participate and encourage other PMPs to do the same.

Cheers!

Anthony 

Be a Winner not a Whiner

There is an excellent scene in the Devil Wears Prada where Andy (played by Anne Hathaway) tells Nigel (Stanely Tucci) that she is working hard and her boss Miranda (Meryl Streep) is being so mean to her.

“I’d just like a little credit because I am killing myself trying” she says.  To which Nigel says, “You are not trying, you are whining”.  He went on to point out the various ways that she wasn’t really trying and that she was not doing everything possible to get the results that were expected of her.  I loved it!

 

How many of us have people around us whining all day?  How many of you have people on your teams that tell you how hard they are working or how much effort everything takes?  Nigel’s response to Andy in the movie was, “Quit!  I have a hundred girls who would kill to have your job.”  It would be easy in this economic climate for someone like me who is a natural task master to say something just like this.

On the other hand, emotional intelligence training would tell us that it is important, critical even, to be empathetic.  So the question I have for you is this, how do you balance a need to be empathetic toward people when you are results focused and have a violent reaction to whining???  In fact, I hate whining.  So what do I do when people whine?

The thing is, I have a small confession.  As much as I hate whining, it turns out I am also a bit of a complainer myself.  Perhaps it is my old age setting in but I am starting to complain about cold weather, lousy drivers, the music my kids listen to, and occasionally how hard I am working.

When I do it with my wife, it stresses her out.  She thinks I am going to have a meltdown or she is going to need to fix me somehow.  It has only been through therapy that she has learned to say – “you sound like a whiner!”  It helps. 

What she challenges me to do is evaluate what it is I am trying to accomplish and to reframe my complaints in terms of specific facts and requests.  She wants me to take responsibility.

I think this same kind of model applies to others whining to us.  What are they trying to accomplish with their whining?  Do they have any intention to change or do anything different?  Are they taking personal responsibility for a solution, or are they simply complaining to complain or to generate self-pity? 

The challenge for us as project managers and leaders is this – how do we balance genuine empathy with a disdain for whining?  How do we acknowledge that it can be tough but we know that people can get the job done?  How do we discern those individual on our teams who have real problems from those who have simply grown accustomed to whining? 

 

Consider the following balance between empathy and a results focus.  The idea of the chart is showing that the two are not necessarily mutually exclusive.

  

In this framework, we could think of 4 different possible positions.

• Vacant Lot - Those that don't show much empathy but don't expect much from people  are in the vacant lot camp.  They don't really expect much to come.

• Boot Camp - Those that are low in empathy but have high expectations for results are what I would call the boot camp mode.  Drop and give me 20 Soldier! would be an appropriate statement.

• Day Care - Leaders that have high empathy but lack a results focus would be in the day care camp; they coddle their team members and don't expect or get much from them.

• Apprentice - The final category is what I woud call the apprentice model.  In this case, leaders have both high empathy and high results focus.  They are focused on developing the people around them and getting the best results from them.

I think it is possible to balance empathy with a strong results focus.  It takes incredibly good listening skills but we need to show people empathy while at the same time letting them know that we expect them to meet their deadlines for tasks and deliverables. 

Being both empathetic and results oriented with people isn't always easy, but it is the best way to encourage whiners to become winners.  Here are some action steps you can take now with your current team:

1. Ask people what they need - When others seem to be whining or complaining to you, ask them what they need instead of trying to solve their problem.  In most cases, people are not interested in you solving their problem - they just want to be heard. 
2. Set limits - Set time limits on listening to whining.  We used a rant concept on a large IT program a few years ago.  During our weekly status meeting, each team member was given 30 seconds to rant about anything they wanted.  After the ranting, we told people they needed to move on to take ownership for a solution. 
3. Anticipate breakdowns – Help others to anticipate and avoid some of the common breakdowns or team failures.  For example, if it is winter time in Chicago, we can always expect some weather related issues in travel or even just people getting to the work location.  If we have a project that is in crunch mode, we need to have a plan that incorporates weather disruptions.  We need to communicate our expectations ahead of time whether that includes everyone taking their laptop home every night or making sure their VPN software and other tools are up to date.
4. Grow People - Treat every day as an opportunity to coach and mentor, using the apprentice model.  Grow and develop the talent under you so that your job is easier.

Twenty Emotional Intelligence Tips from AllPM

This month I was one of the guest contributors over at ALLPM.com where the theme was emotional intelligence for project managers.  I contributed the following list of daily tips for project managers and after looking at them, I realized they are pretty good!  So here are the 20 tips of the day from ALLPM.com, grouped according to the emotional intelligence framework for project managers shown below.  Enjoy!

1. SELF-AWARENESS

Tip of the Day #1 - David Caruso and Peter Salovey said that "emotions are information". Are you able to fully experience your emotions at work and use them as information? Or do you try to "leave emotions at the door" when you arrive at work? Try logging every emotion you feel throughout the day today. Later tonight, spend some time reflecting on those emotions and see if you can understand the information that each emotion provides.

Tip of the Day #5 - Do you recognize when you are experiencing feelings during the day? A simple technique for increasing emotional self-awareness is to track emotions during the day using SASHET, an acronym for Sad, Angry, Scared, Happy, Excited and Tender. Keep a SASHET tally sheet today and see if there are patterns in the emotions you feel and those you don't feel.

Tip of the Day #6 - Sarcasm is usually an indication that someone is both angry and scared. When you hear sarcasm, you should ask yourself what that person is angry and scared about. This is doubly important if you are the one using sarcasm. I challenge you to make note of the times today that you hear sarcasm being used and looked behind the sarcasm to the emotions of the individual.

Tip of the Day #7 - Most of us cringe when we hear negative feedback or criticism. Feedback is a gift. Even critical feedback usually contains some kernel of truth that helps us grow if we are open to it. When we hear critical feedback, we need to get over our own defensiveness, listen carefully, and ask probing questions that lead us to that kernel of truth. Our greatest growth opportunities will come from those ‘gifts’ from others.

Tip of the Day #10 - Self-confidence is when we are grounded, secure, and self-assured. It’s easy to be rattled or thrown off our game by a recent setback or failure. One technique for overcoming a lack of self-confidence is to reflect on our past successes. Create a timeline on a piece of paper and mark on it the successes, small and large, that you have experienced over your career. By reviewing our past successes, we can put our current setbacks into perspective and see them as temporary.

2. SELF-MANAGMENT

Tip of the Day #3 - There are times when we remain unruffled by others and times when we react strongly. Pay attention to those times when you let other people push your buttons. What are the specific conditions where you are likely to let your guard down? Is it when you are tired, stressed, sick, feeling unappreciated or criticized, or not taking care of yourself? Try to avoid putting yourself in those situations where you aren’t able to choose a graceful response.

Tip of the Day #9 - Many of us work in environments that are stressful. We can remain graceful and unruffled when we learn to reduce our own stress level. I have found that laughing out loud, going for a walk, spending time with people I like, breathing techniques, and prayer or meditation help me to unwind. Select one of these techniques and practice it today, even if you don’t really need it.

Tip of the Day #11 - Perfectionists find that people never quite measure up to their expectations. They can be just as hard on themselves as well. Instead of going for perfection, strive for excellence which can be defined as doing your very best in every situation. Celebrate excellence and don’t get sucked into thinking that everything needs to be perfect.

Tip of the Day #15 - Some of us set ourselves up for stressful situations or negative outcomes by arriving late or unprepared for early morning meetings with team members or other project stakeholders. This can cause us to lose momentum or feel lousy for the rest of the day. Next time you have an important meeting, try getting to bed early, getting up early, and getting in to work before everyone else. Allow yourself some quiet time to review your notes and objectives for the meeting as well as to think about the emotions of each person that will be attending. Your calmness and quiet confidence will show clearly and even be contagious.

3. Social Awareness

Tip of the Day #8 - If you want to boost your standings with your project team, learn to listen with empathy. This includes giving others your full attention when they are speaking and letting them speak instead of interrupting or finishing their sentences. When they have expressed themselves, respond with empathy and emotions (e.g. that sounds tough, you sound sad). Finally, ask them what you can do to help. Don’t assume that you have to solve their problems or tell them what to do.

4. RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT

Tip of the Day #2 - Project management is about getting work done through others. Rarely is anything of significance done by one person working alone. It is the relationships we build with our team members and other stakeholders that determine how effective we will be as project managers. Take an honest assessment of the most important stakeholder relationships for your current project. Make it a point today to meet with those individuals with the objective of improving your relationship with them.

Tip of the Day #4 - Mom always said “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all”. Unfortunately that approach can lead to a dangerous buildup of hurts over minor and major issues. A better approach is to keep short accounts with people by saying, “I don’t like it when you do/say X”. This frees us up from holding on to resentments and avoids a major explosion down the road.

Tip of the Day #12 - Picnicking is a term for people who eat their lunches alone at their desk, ostensibly because of their workload. This is isolating and keeps us out of relationship. Instead of eating alone, make it a point to go to lunch with a co-worker, team member, or a project stakeholder. The relationship you will build will produce benefits far greater than what you would gain by working through lunch at your desk.

Tip of the Day #13 - While we all strive to do our best to build relationships, we will invariably find that we don’t always get along with others. If you find yourself consistently having relationship problems, look for patterns of those problems. Since we are the common denominator in our relationships, we may be the cause of the pattern of breakdowns. Some of us unknowingly carry emotional baggage with us. By becoming aware of the pattern, we empower ourselves to do something about it.

Tip of the Day #14 - People tend to thrive on positive recognition and acknowledgment and wither on criticism. Since it was always easier for me to point out what was wrong than to recognize what was right, I had to push myself and build routines into my day and week to be more encouraging. One technique I found helpful was to keep a log of when I recognized various team member’s positive contributions. Try keeping a tally sheet of your team and mark down whenever you are able to recognize one of your team members. Strive for at least one positive or encouraging comment per person each day.

Tip of the Day #18 - Relationship-building is a task you will rarely find on a project plan or in a WBS. However, as a project manager, building relationships with project stakeholders is a major success factor. Don’t leave stakeholder relationships to chance; give this activity the same importance as other project management tasks. Add relationship building tasks to your ‘to do’ and ‘action item’ lists, block out time on your calendar for relationships, and track your progress in this important area.

5. TEAM LEADERSHIP

Tip of the Day #16 - The project manager has the opportunity to establish ground rules, values, or expectations for the behavior of the team. If you don’t set those up at the start of the project, you may be surprised to find that people behave badly and team members don’t respect you as the leader. Try working with your team to create a contract for behavior early in the project lifecycle. This will make everyone a part of the process and accountable for enforcing whatever rules are agreed.

Tip of the Day #17 - My mentor Robb used to say that you live or die by your project team. Getting the best resources is critical to your success; this shouldn’t be left up to chance or to the resource managers in your company. You will attract and retain great project resources when you develop your interpersonal skills (like emotional intelligence), lead with integrity, and create a positive project environment.

Tip of the Day #19 - Holding others accountable is a key part of the project manager’s job; if you are not doing it you are not leading. I sometimes find it challenging to hold senior managers, clients, or project sponsors accountable because I fear confrontation with them. It has helped me to pinpoint the source of my fear, challenge whether it is valid or not, and then move forward through the fear. It also helps to have a tool like a Responsibility Matrix to clearly communicate who is accountable for project activities.

Tip of the Day #20 - As the leader of the team, the project manager sets the emotional tone for the group. Do you emote positive feelings and create what Daniel Goleman calls “resonance”? Or do you tend to give off negative vibes and create “dissonance”? Take time today to ask one or two of your current team members if they experience you as positive and encouraging. Listen as quietly as you can, without defending, and try to note at least one or two things you can do differently to boost your resonance level.

Take Your Own Emotional Intelligence Assessment

A common question I have been getting at my presentations on emotional intelligence is "how do I assess my own emotional intelligence?"  Are you curious about your own emotional intelligence and how you measure up?  Have you taken an online or paper-based assessment test?

For my emotional intelligence workshops for project managers, I have been using the TalentSmart EIAppraisal instrument because it is fast and easily available on line.  At $35, it is one of the lowest cost and most affordable assessments.  Unfortunately, it doesn't match the curriculum I am teaching for project managers. 

So I decided to create my own.  For anyone who doesn't want to spend $35 for a quick emotional intelligence assessment, I am offering this new EQ assessment tool at a great price.  It is fast, available on line, and very affordable (OK, it's free).  I won't even ask you to register to download it.  I would ask that you provide some feedback, if possible, about whether you found it helpful or not.

The unique thing about this particular instrument is that it is geared to project managers.  In fact, it is the only emotional intelligence assessment tool that is developed specifically for project managers based on the competencies that are critical to project manager's success. 

The assessment is based on the emotional intelligence framework (see right) that I adapted from Daniel Goleman's books (Working with Emotional Intelligence and Primal Leadership) to include in my own book, Emotional Intelligence for Project Managers.

This is a Beta version so I am expecting it to evolve over the next few months into something much more robust.  Please give the tool a test drive and if you feel so inclined, I would love to get your feedback.    If enough people find it helpful and provide constructive feedback, I will update it and make it available as an online tool that is self scoring with the capabilities to provide you with a comparison of your score to other project managers.  If there is other information you'd like to know, email me or comment here.

You can take the updated version of this assessment by following this link (updated as of 12/27/2007):  Take the NEW AND IMPROVED SURVEY

Cheers!

Top EQ Issues Facing Project Managers Today

It is interesting to learn about emotional intelligence from others.  In the process of conducting emotional intelligence workshops for PMs over the last 5 months, I have found that I learn new things during each session.  I am particularly interested in the top emotional intelligence issues and challenges that PMs face.

In my workshops I conduct an exercise that I call "Problem Census".  I ask participants to think about their work environment and to:

Identify the issues, breakdowns, or major problems that you experience in the workplace that you believe are related to emotional intelligence or may be helped by this workshop.

I have been reviewing the collected data from various angles and using it to develop new exercises and approaches to help the workshop participants.  Here is a chart with a summary of the issues from the last two workshops (click to enlarge).

One important thing to note about the chart; even though I included one category for project conflict, most (if not all) of the issues could have been considered 'project conflict'.  I wanted to avoid having one large category so where possible I tried to separate into other categories that would make more sense.

If you would like to see all the data, click here to download a PDF of all the responses.

I would love to hear your feedback and comments.  What are the biggest issues, challenges, breakdowns or problems that you face at work?  Do you agree with the ones that are shown?

Which is more important, People or Results?

I read a post over at Joseph Liberti's blog, Emotional Intelligence at Work that got me thinking about the tension that many of us experience as leaders: do we focus more on people or on results?  Joseph's post discusses the importance for leaders to be focused on BOTH people and results. 

When I started my career with IBM as a project engineer, I was focused only on results.  I viewed people as distractions, time-wasters, or impediments to my ability to get my job done.  I liked small projects where I didn't need to rely on others.  I did not like bigger projects that required the support and cooperation of many people.  I never appreciated the fact that small teams (and teams of one) rarely accomplish much. 

I have learned a lot in the last 20+ years of managing projects and I now know that people are critical to the success of the project.  To make change or to make an impact, you need a team and sometimes very large teams. 

What is just as important though, is that over the last 20+ years I have become aware that my own natural tendency is to focus on results or the task at hand first or more often than I focus on people.  That bit of self-awareness helps me; I use it to push out of my comfort zone and balance my focus on results with increased focus on people.

Take just a moment and think about how you approach projects.  Are you focused on people or on the results?  Does it change over time?  Are you able to focus on both?  What would your manager or the people on your teams say about your style and your focus?

I am going to check out the book that Joseph referenced in his post, Extraordinary Leader: Turning Good Managers into Great Leaders.  I am also going to bookmark Joseph's blog as it looks like he is bringing great insights about the application of emotional intelligence to the workplace.

To Understand Project Conflict, Start with the Feelings

I found an interesting post on managing project conflict over at Dyer Predictions, a cleverly named blog written by Sue Dyer.  I have written on conflict management in the past including how best to apply emotional intelligence to the traditional conflict resolution approaches like withdrawal, confrontation, smoothing or compromising.  I thought Sue's three-step approach to managing conflict was a good starting point though perhaps too simplistic for experienced project managers:

1) Avoid Conflict by Establishing Ground Rules (such as by sticking with the present)

First, I don't think that avoidance of conflict is a great strategy because conflict is inevitable and can actually be leveraged if managed properly.  That said, I do agree with Sue that ground rules are a good idea, though, sticking with the present would not be my first choice of a ground rule.  By sticking with the present, we don't allow people to get down to what it is they are feeling and the underlying want and need that is not being addressed.  In other words, if I have a conflict on a project, I am probably feeling angry, scared, sad or some mix of all three.  There is an underlying want, need or hunger driving those feelings - such as a want to be recognized, a want to advance in my career, or a need to be appreciated.  It is those underlying wants that cause people to feel hurt that ultimately gets expressed by some type of conflict.

Ultimately, conflict is about people and emotions.  With emotional intelligence research we have established frameworks for developing relationships with others and resolving conflicts.  Here is my suggestion for a ground rule - Each person must take responsibility for their own feelings and for expressing their underlying wants and needs.

2) Team Members Can Only Discuss Technical Solutions to Project Problems

This one I do not agree with.  Beneath all technical problems is a people problem of some sort and that gets back to the feelings and wants and needs.  In fact, team members will often try to couch people problems as technical problems.  Without resolving the underlying people problem, those pesky technical problems will just keep on re-occuring or will resurface in other areas. 

In terms of the traditional conflict resolution approaches, this is essentially using smoothing or forcing to make the conflict go away.

3) When You See (or feel compelled to write) Threatening Letters, Your Project is in Trouble

I do agree that when you see those threatening letters you have conflict!  Email letter bombs are one of the many emotional breakdowns that show people are not exercising emotional self-control.  I agree with Sue's recommendation to bring in a neutral third party though I would suggest that the PM act as facilitator unless he/she is part of the conflict.  It is a great opportunity for the PM to show leadership and to model conflict resolution to the rest of the team.

As noted above, project conflict is about people and their emotions.  Good project managers can apply the lessons of emotional intelligence to resolve conflict and ultimately use that conflict to energize the project team.

Perfection Vs. Excellence in Leadership

I read an interesting post on Perfection by Dr. Ellen Weber over at Brain Based Business, Why Perfectionism is Bad for the Brain.  Dr. Weber talked about the downside of perfectionism and how much it can hurt individually as well when working on teams.

As a project manager, I have lead a number of project teams.  I have been labeled as too critical and as a perfectionist before and so the article stung a little.  I know there is a fine line between high expectations and perfectionism.  So here is the thing that I wonder about as a frequent leader of teams- how do you encourage (push?) people to be the best they can be without coming off as critical and a perfectionist?

The topic reminds me of the style of leadership that Daniel Goleman calls the pacesetting style.  In Primal Leadership, written by Goleman, Boyatzis, and McKee, Pacesetters are described as individuals with a high personal drive to achieve.  They drive those around them very hard and make it clear that they expect excellence and are disatisfied with anything less.  They push for continuous improvement and put pressure on all team members to perform at their highest level.   

The upside of pacesetting leadership is that you raise the bar for others.  Studies have shown that people will generally perform at about the level that we expect.  If we don't expect much from team members, they aren't likely to overdeliver.  Conversely, when we expect a lot, we generally get it.

The downside of the pacesetter style of leadership is exactly the point made by Dr. Weber; paralysis.  When a pacesetting leader says they are dissatisfied with the current performance, team members feel alienated, criticized, and unappreciated.  "Why bother?" is what team members may say in response to a pacesetting leader.

How do we strike a balance between expecting a lot from people without seeming like a perfectionist?  Clearly I am still learning in this area, but here are five tips I would recommend.  I also welcome you to weigh in with your own thoughts.

1. Set Goals with the Team - Many leaders don't set goals with the team; choosing instead to criticize or draw attention to areas of improvement.  Try setting stretch goals that are achievable and do so in advance.  This lets people know what you expect and gives them a chance to buy in.
2. Make a habit of recognizing the positive - If you are the type who always recognizes the positive, people will know you see the entire picture even though you expect a lot and sometimes seem to be picky about the results.  Get in the habit of catching people doing something right as much as you can. 
3. Set the bar high for others, but get feedback - Holding the bar high is great; sometimes though we need to check in to make sure we are realistic.  Most people I have encountered like to have the bar held high, that is, they want me to have high expectations for them.  To be effective though, I need to check back with them to make sure that the bar isn't too high.
4. Lead by personal example - We communicate as strongly with our actions as with our words.  Set high standards for yourself and follow through on what you say you will do.  Strive to do your very best work every day.
5. Focus on excellence, not perfection - Excellence is about doing the best we can do; perfection is unattainable for humans.