EQ4PM

Twenty Emotional Intelligence Tips from AllPM

This month I was one of the guest contributors over at ALLPM.com where the theme was emotional intelligence for project managers.  I contributed the following list of daily tips for project managers and after looking at them, I realized they are pretty good!  So here are the 20 tips of the day from ALLPM.com, grouped according to the emotional intelligence framework for project managers shown below.  Enjoy!

1. SELF-AWARENESS

Tip of the Day #1 - David Caruso and Peter Salovey said that "emotions are information". Are you able to fully experience your emotions at work and use them as information? Or do you try to "leave emotions at the door" when you arrive at work? Try logging every emotion you feel throughout the day today. Later tonight, spend some time reflecting on those emotions and see if you can understand the information that each emotion provides.

Tip of the Day #5 - Do you recognize when you are experiencing feelings during the day? A simple technique for increasing emotional self-awareness is to track emotions during the day using SASHET, an acronym for Sad, Angry, Scared, Happy, Excited and Tender. Keep a SASHET tally sheet today and see if there are patterns in the emotions you feel and those you don't feel.

Tip of the Day #6 - Sarcasm is usually an indication that someone is both angry and scared. When you hear sarcasm, you should ask yourself what that person is angry and scared about. This is doubly important if you are the one using sarcasm. I challenge you to make note of the times today that you hear sarcasm being used and looked behind the sarcasm to the emotions of the individual.

Tip of the Day #7 - Most of us cringe when we hear negative feedback or criticism. Feedback is a gift. Even critical feedback usually contains some kernel of truth that helps us grow if we are open to it. When we hear critical feedback, we need to get over our own defensiveness, listen carefully, and ask probing questions that lead us to that kernel of truth. Our greatest growth opportunities will come from those ‘gifts’ from others.

Tip of the Day #10 - Self-confidence is when we are grounded, secure, and self-assured. It’s easy to be rattled or thrown off our game by a recent setback or failure. One technique for overcoming a lack of self-confidence is to reflect on our past successes. Create a timeline on a piece of paper and mark on it the successes, small and large, that you have experienced over your career. By reviewing our past successes, we can put our current setbacks into perspective and see them as temporary.

2. SELF-MANAGMENT

Tip of the Day #3 - There are times when we remain unruffled by others and times when we react strongly. Pay attention to those times when you let other people push your buttons. What are the specific conditions where you are likely to let your guard down? Is it when you are tired, stressed, sick, feeling unappreciated or criticized, or not taking care of yourself? Try to avoid putting yourself in those situations where you aren’t able to choose a graceful response.

Tip of the Day #9 - Many of us work in environments that are stressful. We can remain graceful and unruffled when we learn to reduce our own stress level. I have found that laughing out loud, going for a walk, spending time with people I like, breathing techniques, and prayer or meditation help me to unwind. Select one of these techniques and practice it today, even if you don’t really need it.

Tip of the Day #11 - Perfectionists find that people never quite measure up to their expectations. They can be just as hard on themselves as well. Instead of going for perfection, strive for excellence which can be defined as doing your very best in every situation. Celebrate excellence and don’t get sucked into thinking that everything needs to be perfect.

Tip of the Day #15 - Some of us set ourselves up for stressful situations or negative outcomes by arriving late or unprepared for early morning meetings with team members or other project stakeholders. This can cause us to lose momentum or feel lousy for the rest of the day. Next time you have an important meeting, try getting to bed early, getting up early, and getting in to work before everyone else. Allow yourself some quiet time to review your notes and objectives for the meeting as well as to think about the emotions of each person that will be attending. Your calmness and quiet confidence will show clearly and even be contagious.

3. Social Awareness

Tip of the Day #8 - If you want to boost your standings with your project team, learn to listen with empathy. This includes giving others your full attention when they are speaking and letting them speak instead of interrupting or finishing their sentences. When they have expressed themselves, respond with empathy and emotions (e.g. that sounds tough, you sound sad). Finally, ask them what you can do to help. Don’t assume that you have to solve their problems or tell them what to do.

4. RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT

Tip of the Day #2 - Project management is about getting work done through others. Rarely is anything of significance done by one person working alone. It is the relationships we build with our team members and other stakeholders that determine how effective we will be as project managers. Take an honest assessment of the most important stakeholder relationships for your current project. Make it a point today to meet with those individuals with the objective of improving your relationship with them.

Tip of the Day #4 - Mom always said “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all”. Unfortunately that approach can lead to a dangerous buildup of hurts over minor and major issues. A better approach is to keep short accounts with people by saying, “I don’t like it when you do/say X”. This frees us up from holding on to resentments and avoids a major explosion down the road.

Tip of the Day #12 - Picnicking is a term for people who eat their lunches alone at their desk, ostensibly because of their workload. This is isolating and keeps us out of relationship. Instead of eating alone, make it a point to go to lunch with a co-worker, team member, or a project stakeholder. The relationship you will build will produce benefits far greater than what you would gain by working through lunch at your desk.

Tip of the Day #13 - While we all strive to do our best to build relationships, we will invariably find that we don’t always get along with others. If you find yourself consistently having relationship problems, look for patterns of those problems. Since we are the common denominator in our relationships, we may be the cause of the pattern of breakdowns. Some of us unknowingly carry emotional baggage with us. By becoming aware of the pattern, we empower ourselves to do something about it.

Tip of the Day #14 - People tend to thrive on positive recognition and acknowledgment and wither on criticism. Since it was always easier for me to point out what was wrong than to recognize what was right, I had to push myself and build routines into my day and week to be more encouraging. One technique I found helpful was to keep a log of when I recognized various team member’s positive contributions. Try keeping a tally sheet of your team and mark down whenever you are able to recognize one of your team members. Strive for at least one positive or encouraging comment per person each day.

Tip of the Day #18 - Relationship-building is a task you will rarely find on a project plan or in a WBS. However, as a project manager, building relationships with project stakeholders is a major success factor. Don’t leave stakeholder relationships to chance; give this activity the same importance as other project management tasks. Add relationship building tasks to your ‘to do’ and ‘action item’ lists, block out time on your calendar for relationships, and track your progress in this important area.

5. TEAM LEADERSHIP

Tip of the Day #16 - The project manager has the opportunity to establish ground rules, values, or expectations for the behavior of the team. If you don’t set those up at the start of the project, you may be surprised to find that people behave badly and team members don’t respect you as the leader. Try working with your team to create a contract for behavior early in the project lifecycle. This will make everyone a part of the process and accountable for enforcing whatever rules are agreed.

Tip of the Day #17 - My mentor Robb used to say that you live or die by your project team. Getting the best resources is critical to your success; this shouldn’t be left up to chance or to the resource managers in your company. You will attract and retain great project resources when you develop your interpersonal skills (like emotional intelligence), lead with integrity, and create a positive project environment.

Tip of the Day #19 - Holding others accountable is a key part of the project manager’s job; if you are not doing it you are not leading. I sometimes find it challenging to hold senior managers, clients, or project sponsors accountable because I fear confrontation with them. It has helped me to pinpoint the source of my fear, challenge whether it is valid or not, and then move forward through the fear. It also helps to have a tool like a Responsibility Matrix to clearly communicate who is accountable for project activities.

Tip of the Day #20 - As the leader of the team, the project manager sets the emotional tone for the group. Do you emote positive feelings and create what Daniel Goleman calls “resonance”? Or do you tend to give off negative vibes and create “dissonance”? Take time today to ask one or two of your current team members if they experience you as positive and encouraging. Listen as quietly as you can, without defending, and try to note at least one or two things you can do differently to boost your resonance level.

Take Your Own Emotional Intelligence Assessment

A common question I have been getting at my presentations on emotional intelligence is "how do I assess my own emotional intelligence?"  Are you curious about your own emotional intelligence and how you measure up?  Have you taken an online or paper-based assessment test?

For my emotional intelligence workshops for project managers, I have been using the TalentSmart EIAppraisal instrument because it is fast and easily available on line.  At $35, it is one of the lowest cost and most affordable assessments.  Unfortunately, it doesn't match the curriculum I am teaching for project managers. 

So I decided to create my own.  For anyone who doesn't want to spend $35 for a quick emotional intelligence assessment, I am offering this new EQ assessment tool at a great price.  It is fast, available on line, and very affordable (OK, it's free).  I won't even ask you to register to download it.  I would ask that you provide some feedback, if possible, about whether you found it helpful or not.

The unique thing about this particular instrument is that it is geared to project managers.  In fact, it is the only emotional intelligence assessment tool that is developed specifically for project managers based on the competencies that are critical to project manager's success. 

The assessment is based on the emotional intelligence framework (see right) that I adapted from Daniel Goleman's books (Working with Emotional Intelligence and Primal Leadership) to include in my own book, Emotional Intelligence for Project Managers.

This is a Beta version so I am expecting it to evolve over the next few months into something much more robust.  Please give the tool a test drive and if you feel so inclined, I would love to get your feedback.    If enough people find it helpful and provide constructive feedback, I will update it and make it available as an online tool that is self scoring with the capabilities to provide you with a comparison of your score to other project managers.  If there is other information you'd like to know, email me or comment here.

You can take the updated version of this assessment by following this link (updated as of 12/27/2007):  Take the NEW AND IMPROVED SURVEY

Cheers!

Top EQ Issues Facing Project Managers Today

It is interesting to learn about emotional intelligence from others.  In the process of conducting emotional intelligence workshops for PMs over the last 5 months, I have found that I learn new things during each session.  I am particularly interested in the top emotional intelligence issues and challenges that PMs face.

In my workshops I conduct an exercise that I call "Problem Census".  I ask participants to think about their work environment and to:

Identify the issues, breakdowns, or major problems that you experience in the workplace that you believe are related to emotional intelligence or may be helped by this workshop.

I have been reviewing the collected data from various angles and using it to develop new exercises and approaches to help the workshop participants.  Here is a chart with a summary of the issues from the last two workshops (click to enlarge).

One important thing to note about the chart; even though I included one category for project conflict, most (if not all) of the issues could have been considered 'project conflict'.  I wanted to avoid having one large category so where possible I tried to separate into other categories that would make more sense.

If you would like to see all the data, click here to download a PDF of all the responses.

I would love to hear your feedback and comments.  What are the biggest issues, challenges, breakdowns or problems that you face at work?  Do you agree with the ones that are shown?

Which is more important, People or Results?

I read a post over at Joseph Liberti's blog, Emotional Intelligence at Work that got me thinking about the tension that many of us experience as leaders: do we focus more on people or on results?  Joseph's post discusses the importance for leaders to be focused on BOTH people and results. 

When I started my career with IBM as a project engineer, I was focused only on results.  I viewed people as distractions, time-wasters, or impediments to my ability to get my job done.  I liked small projects where I didn't need to rely on others.  I did not like bigger projects that required the support and cooperation of many people.  I never appreciated the fact that small teams (and teams of one) rarely accomplish much. 

I have learned a lot in the last 20+ years of managing projects and I now know that people are critical to the success of the project.  To make change or to make an impact, you need a team and sometimes very large teams. 

What is just as important though, is that over the last 20+ years I have become aware that my own natural tendency is to focus on results or the task at hand first or more often than I focus on people.  That bit of self-awareness helps me; I use it to push out of my comfort zone and balance my focus on results with increased focus on people.

Take just a moment and think about how you approach projects.  Are you focused on people or on the results?  Does it change over time?  Are you able to focus on both?  What would your manager or the people on your teams say about your style and your focus?

I am going to check out the book that Joseph referenced in his post, Extraordinary Leader: Turning Good Managers into Great Leaders.  I am also going to bookmark Joseph's blog as it looks like he is bringing great insights about the application of emotional intelligence to the workplace.

To Understand Project Conflict, Start with the Feelings

I found an interesting post on managing project conflict over at Dyer Predictions, a cleverly named blog written by Sue Dyer.  I have written on conflict management in the past including how best to apply emotional intelligence to the traditional conflict resolution approaches like withdrawal, confrontation, smoothing or compromising.  I thought Sue's three-step approach to managing conflict was a good starting point though perhaps too simplistic for experienced project managers:

1) Avoid Conflict by Establishing Ground Rules (such as by sticking with the present)

First, I don't think that avoidance of conflict is a great strategy because conflict is inevitable and can actually be leveraged if managed properly.  That said, I do agree with Sue that ground rules are a good idea, though, sticking with the present would not be my first choice of a ground rule.  By sticking with the present, we don't allow people to get down to what it is they are feeling and the underlying want and need that is not being addressed.  In other words, if I have a conflict on a project, I am probably feeling angry, scared, sad or some mix of all three.  There is an underlying want, need or hunger driving those feelings - such as a want to be recognized, a want to advance in my career, or a need to be appreciated.  It is those underlying wants that cause people to feel hurt that ultimately gets expressed by some type of conflict.

Ultimately, conflict is about people and emotions.  With emotional intelligence research we have established frameworks for developing relationships with others and resolving conflicts.  Here is my suggestion for a ground rule - Each person must take responsibility for their own feelings and for expressing their underlying wants and needs.

2) Team Members Can Only Discuss Technical Solutions to Project Problems

This one I do not agree with.  Beneath all technical problems is a people problem of some sort and that gets back to the feelings and wants and needs.  In fact, team members will often try to couch people problems as technical problems.  Without resolving the underlying people problem, those pesky technical problems will just keep on re-occuring or will resurface in other areas. 

In terms of the traditional conflict resolution approaches, this is essentially using smoothing or forcing to make the conflict go away.

3) When You See (or feel compelled to write) Threatening Letters, Your Project is in Trouble

I do agree that when you see those threatening letters you have conflict!  Email letter bombs are one of the many emotional breakdowns that show people are not exercising emotional self-control.  I agree with Sue's recommendation to bring in a neutral third party though I would suggest that the PM act as facilitator unless he/she is part of the conflict.  It is a great opportunity for the PM to show leadership and to model conflict resolution to the rest of the team.

As noted above, project conflict is about people and their emotions.  Good project managers can apply the lessons of emotional intelligence to resolve conflict and ultimately use that conflict to energize the project team.

Perfection Vs. Excellence in Leadership

I read an interesting post on Perfection by Dr. Ellen Weber over at Brain Based Business, Why Perfectionism is Bad for the Brain.  Dr. Weber talked about the downside of perfectionism and how much it can hurt individually as well when working on teams.

As a project manager, I have lead a number of project teams.  I have been labeled as too critical and as a perfectionist before and so the article stung a little.  I know there is a fine line between high expectations and perfectionism.  So here is the thing that I wonder about as a frequent leader of teams- how do you encourage (push?) people to be the best they can be without coming off as critical and a perfectionist?

The topic reminds me of the style of leadership that Daniel Goleman calls the pacesetting style.  In Primal Leadership, written by Goleman, Boyatzis, and McKee, Pacesetters are described as individuals with a high personal drive to achieve.  They drive those around them very hard and make it clear that they expect excellence and are disatisfied with anything less.  They push for continuous improvement and put pressure on all team members to perform at their highest level.   

The upside of pacesetting leadership is that you raise the bar for others.  Studies have shown that people will generally perform at about the level that we expect.  If we don't expect much from team members, they aren't likely to overdeliver.  Conversely, when we expect a lot, we generally get it.

The downside of the pacesetter style of leadership is exactly the point made by Dr. Weber; paralysis.  When a pacesetting leader says they are dissatisfied with the current performance, team members feel alienated, criticized, and unappreciated.  "Why bother?" is what team members may say in response to a pacesetting leader.

How do we strike a balance between expecting a lot from people without seeming like a perfectionist?  Clearly I am still learning in this area, but here are five tips I would recommend.  I also welcome you to weigh in with your own thoughts.

1. Set Goals with the Team - Many leaders don't set goals with the team; choosing instead to criticize or draw attention to areas of improvement.  Try setting stretch goals that are achievable and do so in advance.  This lets people know what you expect and gives them a chance to buy in.
2. Make a habit of recognizing the positive - If you are the type who always recognizes the positive, people will know you see the entire picture even though you expect a lot and sometimes seem to be picky about the results.  Get in the habit of catching people doing something right as much as you can. 
3. Set the bar high for others, but get feedback - Holding the bar high is great; sometimes though we need to check in to make sure we are realistic.  Most people I have encountered like to have the bar held high, that is, they want me to have high expectations for them.  To be effective though, I need to check back with them to make sure that the bar isn't too high.
4. Lead by personal example - We communicate as strongly with our actions as with our words.  Set high standards for yourself and follow through on what you say you will do.  Strive to do your very best work every day.
5. Focus on excellence, not perfection - Excellence is about doing the best we can do; perfection is unattainable for humans.

Applied EQ #51: The Coaching Leadership Style for Project Managers

I have been reviewing the six leadership styles from the book Primal Leadership, by Daniel Goleman and co-authors Richard Boyatzis and Annie McKee.  Those six leaderships style include:

• Coaching
• Visionary
• Affiliative
• Democratic
• Pacesetting
• Commanding

I have been evaluating how each of these styles works in the project management arena.  Here is a description of the coaching style as applied to project management.

The coaching style focuses on personal development, rather than the accomplishment of tasks.  A PM with a coaching style sees the project as the vehicle for the development of the members of the team. The goal of accomplishing the project is almost secondary to the goal of helping people to learn and grow.

The coaching style reminds me of what Marcus Buckingham wrote about Dr. Donald Clifton of The Gallup Organization in his book The One Thing You need to Know.  Dr. Clifton said about the American Management Association.  He said that the AMA should change their slogan from “Getting work done through people” to “Getting people done through work” .  The point of the statement is that the work or the project is the vehicle that we can use to help people stretch, grow, and develop.

I had an excellent manager for several years named Robb who was a terrific example of the coaching style.  We worked together on three large projects over the course of about four years.  Robb showed great interest in my development and he encouraged me to develop and share with him my long term goals.  He showed how my current assignment would benefit me and how it connected to my long term goals and objectives. 

One hallmark of Robb’s style was his use of the one page weekly objectives.  He even broke the project down into one-page weekly objectives.  We would sit down each week together to develop the objectives.  We started by reviewing the objectives from the previous week, discussing in detail the progress that was made and any hurdles or issues.  Then we would jointly set the objectives for the next week.

An example of the one-page weekly objectives is shown below.  Though this may appear cryptic because of the use of shorthand, we both understood precisely what the document meant.  For example, in the figure below, the A’s, B’s and C’s reflected priority.  The initials at the top of the page indicated that both of us were committed to the goals.

The one-page objectives are not necessary to use the coaching style.  What is necessary is to be involved at the detail level.  The coach helps the team member with specific steps and provides encouragement and feedback as they perform.

Another key to the coaching style is belief in the ability of the team member.  I always felt that Robb firmly believed that I could do anything.  He didn’t seem to think that I had any limitations and his one-page weekly objectives often included stretch goals that I would not even have attempted had he not encouraged me to believe they were possible. 

Robb’s belief in me encouraged me to try to accomplish the goals even when I didn’t think they were possible or didn’t see a way to make them happen. Once when I was working for him I ran into some trouble meeting key project milestones.  I wanted to take the easy route of simply pushing out the schedule which would delay the entire project, cost my company money, and disappoint the client.  Robb told me flat out to go back to the drawing board and come up with a solution that did not involve delaying the project.  His confidence that I could do it encouraged me to go look for that creative solution.  I didn’t know better and chose to believe that there must be a creative solution if Robb thought that there was one.

It is easy for me to understand why the coaching style leads to high motivation levels for the team members.  I felt motivated to meet the high expectations Robb had for me.  I wanted to do what he asked me to do.  In fact, I continually raised my own internal standards and expectations based on his expectations for me.  If he thought I could do it, then I chose to believe that I could.

The coaching style works best when employees seek direction and feedback and are willing to partner very closely to get agreement on the work to be performed.  It requires a high level of trust between the coach and the team member.

The coaching style doesn’t work when trust is lacking, when employees are not interested in getting input on their performance, or when they feel micromanaged.  On a recent project, I consciously applied the coaching style to 4 different junior members of the same team.  With two of the members, I was very successful.  Those two team members saw our work together as an investment and kept requesting feedback on a regular basis. 

The coaching style failed with the other two team members who saw the same style as de-motivating, critical, and micromanaging.  These two team members who did not like the coaching found it demeaning.  They wanted to have the latitude to work without checking in with the boss.  The difference that I saw in the relationships where it worked and where it did not work was the level of trust.  In those cases where the employee thought I had their best interest in mind, it worked great.  When the employee did not feel that I had their best interest in mind, it failed.

Applied EQ #50: Managing Conflict using Emotional Intelligence

It has been a while since I have last posted and that is because of my focus on writing for The Project Manager's Guide to Emotional Intelligence.  Just so you don't think I have given up on the blog, here are my thoughts on Managing Conflict using Emotional Intelligence.  Let me know what you think.

Conflict is Inevitable

Most project managers would agree that conflict on projects is inevitable. Projects are built on a foundation of the conflicting constraints of time, cost, and scope.  Projects are often created to satisfy the needs of one set of stakeholders which may conflict with needs of other stakeholders.  During the execution of projects, conflict frequently surfaces over contention for resources, rewards and recognition, roles and responsibilities, team member diversity, technical decisions, reporting structures, and even individual personalities. 

Lack of emotional intelligence in project team members and stakeholders can also cause conflict.  Team members and stakeholders who experience emotional breakdowns or lack emotional self-control are like ticking time bombs.  When they detonate, they will frequently take healthy members of the team with them which could include you as the project manager.  Even team members and stakeholders with high emotional intelligence may create conflict with others when they are under stress and pressure.

Most project management experts agree that project conflict can be healthy.  Properly channeled, conflict can galvanize teams, spark creativity, and cause healthy competition.  Conflict also provides the opportunity for the project manager to show leadership with emotional intelligence competencies such as empathy, self-control, and relationship management.

If not properly channeled, conflict can stifle communication, kill creativity, and squash productivity.  Un-managed conflict will create unnecessary distractions and may encourage otherwise good team members to leave.  Teams that are not able to manage conflict may fail to reach their objectives. 

Conflict management is an essential part of the project manager’s job.  The project manager is the one who will make the difference between properly leveraging conflict or having conflict wreak havoc on the team.  Successfully recognizing and addressing conflict is part of the PM’s role. 

The first step in the process is to recognize that we have conflict.  In many cases, it won’t be difficult to see conflict.  Consider the case where I had a team member come to me and tell me “I won’t work for him anymore”, referring to a team lead who reported to me.  This team member then proceeded to tell me about all the shortcomings of this team leader, how hurt she felt, and that she didn’t want to report to him anymore.

In another example, there were two sub teams involved in a decision over two possible technical directions.  One team lead was calmly describing the two approaches and the merits and shortcomings of each.  The other team lead simply said, “any idiot can see that this is the only valid approach”. 

In each of these examples, it is not hard to see the conflict.  It would not be hard if we saw or heard two individuals arguing or even bickering with each other.  However, the signals may not always be this clear.  We need to be attuned to our environment to pick up on subtle signs that something is wrong.  Subtle signs include lack of communications, missed deadlines, poor quality deliverables, or deliverables behind schedule.  Team members may also use sarcasm or silence with each other. 

Traditional Approaches to Conflict Management

Assuming we recognize that we have project conflict, how do we go about managing that conflict?  We can start with the traditional ways managers have addressed conflicts.  Consider the five traditional modes of handling conflict as outlined in 1964 by Blake and Mouton in their book, The Managerial Grid:
• Withdrawal
• Smoothing
• Compromising
• Forcing
• Confrontation

Let’s look at each of these classic modes of conflict resolution from an emotionally intelligent perspective.

Withdrawal
We use withdrawal when we retreat or withdraw from an actual or potential disagreement.  In relation to the other approaches, withdrawal is low in terms of emotional intelligence.  In fact, withdrawal was one of the emotional breakdowns described in Chapter Four.  When we use withdrawal to deal with a conflict, we are disengaging from the relationship.  We don’t tell the truth about our feelings or our wants and needs. 

Unfortunately, withdrawal does not solve anything.  In fact, with withdrawal we don’t even acknowledge that there is a conflict.  When we use withdrawal, we aren’t really interested in solving the problem.  We don’t provide the other party the opportunity to work with us to resolve the conflict. 

Withdrawal can be successful as a short term strategy.  By separating parties in a dispute we allow the air to clear and cooler heads to prevail.  Withdrawal would be very appropriate in situations where you believe that there is a risk of physical danger to anyone.  Withdrawal could also be useful in situations where there is no long term relationship.  If you experience conflict in the last few weeks of a project, you may decide it is not worth working to resolve that particular issue.  Otherwise, withdrawal should be used sparingly. 

Smoothing
Smoothing is when we minimize or avoid areas of difference and instead emphasize areas of agreement.  As a technique for resolving project conflict, smoothing is also relatively low in terms of emotional intelligence.  Like withdrawal, when we use smoothing we are not dealing with the underlying issue that is causing the conflict.  Instead, we are avoiding the issue. 

The key difference between smoothing and avoidance is that with smoothing we try to emphasize the areas of agreements between the parties.  This is a form of focusing on the positive. 

We can use smoothing when the stakes are not very high or when we want to maintain good working relationships. 

Compromising
Compromising is when we bargain and search for solutions that bring some degree of satisfaction in a dispute.  Compromising is characterized by give and take from each of the affected parties.  Each party to the conflict must be willing to give up something to get what they want.  This is best used when the stakes are not very high and when both parties want to maintain the relationship. 

Compromising takes more emotional intelligence than withdrawing or smoothing because the issue is brought out into the open and discussed.  However, compromising requires each of the parties in the conflict to give up something.

Forcing
Forcing is when one party forces their will or viewpoint on the other party.  It is often characterized by a competitiveness between two parties and a win/lose solution. 

As you might imagine, forcing takes very little emotional intelligence.  The parties involved may see a particular conflict as one in a series of conflicts.  Each may feel that if they lose this one conflict, they can even things up later.  After a conflict is resolve, the two parties may simply be regrouping and preparing for the next battle.  Forcing is a shortsighted approach to conflict resolution. 

Forcing should be used only when time is limited, when the long term relationship is not important, or when no other solution will resolve the situation.

Confrontation
Confrontation is facing the conflict directly and using problem-solving to work through the disagreement.  When we use confrontation, we bring the conflict out into the open so that we can deal with it.  Confrontation is what Stephen Covey described as seeking a win-win solution .  As you might guess, confrontation is the highest in emotional intelligence of all the conflict resolution approaches.

I learned about using confrontation to resolve conflict in an embarrassing way.  A number of years ago I was hired as a test manager for a large systems integration project.  I was actually a co-test manager; I was to partner with another manager to complete the testing.  I found working with the co-test manager difficult to say the least.  I was organized and had experience with test planning and execution.  My fellow test manager was experienced with the technology we were using but lacked the skills to organize and execute the testing.  I became frustrated.  After some half-hearted attempts to talk to my co-test manager, I went to the project director.  I told him that I had an issue with my co-test manager.  His response was to meet him for lunch at a specific restaurant that day.

When I arrived for lunch, I was surprised to see the project director sitting in a cozy round booth with my co-test manager.   I sat down with the two of them and immediately the project director asked me what it was about my co-test manager that I needed to discuss with him.  I was embarrassed to say the least. 

The confrontation with the project director taught me a few things.  First, I learned that I should have spent more time trying to work through the issue with my co-test manager before bringing it to the project director.  Second, I learned that the reason the project director paired us up was exactly the issue I wanted to complain about – we had different strengths and skills sets.  Third, I learned that the most direct way to resolve an issue was to directly confront it. 

I try to remember these lessons when individuals come to me with issues or conflicts on a project.  I try to tell them that the shortest distance between two people is a straight line and that is the most direct way to resolve a conflict. 

Applying Emotional Intelligence to Conflict Resolution
Beyond looking at the levels of emotional intelligence in each of the conflict resolution approaches, we can use what we know to better manage conflicts.  As you might guess by now, it starts with a focus on what each party is feeling.

Conflicts involve both facts and feelings.  It is usually easy to get the facts.  That is the “he said-she said” part of the transaction.  The facts are helpful as a starting point but they are only part of the story.  We need to get beyond the facts to understand WHY those facts matter so much to the parties involved.  That requires an understanding of the underlying feelings as well as the unstated wants and needs of each of the parties. 

It is important to probe to find out what the parties in a conflict are feeling.  We need to listen emphatically and pay attention to feeling words and body language.  We may even need to ask.  I recall a situation where I had a team member who sat with his arms crossed, fiercely insisting “I am not angry”.  People in conflict will usually feeling scared, angry, or sad or some combination of all of these things.  They may be angry about critical remarks from a co-worker.  At the same time, they may be sad because their feelings are hurt and they want to be friends with the co-worker who made the remarks.  Finally, they may be scared of a confrontation or scared that they need to leave the project because of that person.

It would be unlikely that a team member involved in a conflict would be so forthright about their feelings.  More often, individuals will not be aware of the various mix of feelings they are experiencing.  This is an area where the project manager can lead or coax them to appreciate the different feelings they are experiencing. 

Understanding the feeling is the first step.  The second step is to identify the underlying want or need.  Some common wants and needs of project stakeholders are shown below:
• want to be recognized
• want to be important
• want to be productive
• want to be promoted
• want to feel part of the community
• need to make more money
• need to express themselves
• need to be loved

When we understand the underlying wants and needs of the affected parties, we understand their motivation.  Then we can work together to address the issue or conflict that is caused by the underlying want and need.  We can help each party to the conflict understand the wants and needs of the other party and to achieve their own wants and needs.

If You Are the Conflict
Our approach may vary a little if we are a part of the conflict or the cause of the conflict.  If we are part of the conflict, we need to first orient to ourselves.  The questions that we need to ask remain the same.  We need to understand what it is that we are feeling.  We will typically be sad, angry or scared.  We go further by asking what it is that we are sad, angry or scared about.  What is our underlying want or need in this situation?  How does this conflict move us closer or farther from our wants and needs? 

Once we understand where we are coming from, then we can evaluate the other person.  We start by trying to understand what they are feeling.  Then we explore what they want and need in this situation.  Then we explore ways to work with them through the conflict.  We may want to think it through on our own and then discuss it with the other party.  If it is tense or uncomfortable with just the two of you, ask for a peer manager or disinterested 3rd party to join the discussion. 

Bottom Line:  Project conflicts are inevitable; you should expect them and be prepared.  The way you manage conflict will define you as a project leader.  If you choose to calmly lead others through the conflict by exploring the emotions involved, you will strengthen your relationships and build the team.

Applied EQ #49: Managing Stakeholder Relationships - Part 2 of 3

The previous post was about how project managers can apply emotional intelligence to relationships, and in particular, how to manage stakeholder relationships.  We introduced the first two of four steps to be used to manage stakeholder relationships.  In this post, we are going to look at the third step, Use Analysis to develop relationship strategies.

#3 Use Analysis to Develop Relationships Strategies

The analysis we did in step #2 provides the basis for us to develop strategies for the relationship.  We should identify areas where we have emotional connections to the stakeholder, explore relationship strategies we can employ, and then develop action steps that will help us to reach those strategies.

Emotional Connections - An emotional connection is an opportunity for us to make a heart to heart connection with the other person.  What are the topics, objectives, common interests or other areas where we are likely to make a heart to heart connection with this other individual?  These could be personal or professional interests.  Personal interests could include having children of about the same age.  You might also share a passion for boating or a love of fly-fishing in Colorado. 

As an example, on a recent project I shared an interest in marathon running with the CEO of the company.  I was able to connect with him about running and he was happy to share with me some of his triumphs and tips about running marathons.

Professional interests include excelling in the profession, membership in a professional organization, advancement in the current position, desire to network more and a myriad of others.  Think about those areas where you can connect.

Relationship Strategies - This is an area where we develop strategies for building the relationship with that stakeholder.  Given what we know about them, what strategies can we pursue to build the relationship?   How can we show that we understand their objectives for the project and that we will treat those objectives with importance?

Here are some examples of relationship strategies:

1. Influence Strategy.  In this area, we want to think about how best to communicate with this stakeholder.  This is closely related to the communication plan.  We need to think about how we are going to reach them, how frequently, and what types of messages.
   
2. Work with the Staff. In many organizations, the administrative staff works as gatekeepers to the executive team.  If your stakeholder is guarded by an administrator, you may to work through them to get in front of the stakeholder. 
   
   There will be other cases where a key stakeholder will be happy if one of his key managers is happy.  By extension then we might need to closely manage that key manager in order to keep the stakeholder happy.
3. Keep your Friends Close.  In the Godfather, Don Corleone advises his son to "keep your friends close and your enemies closer".  When you have stakeholders who are neutral or negative toward the project, you cannot afford to ignore them or distance yourself from them.  You need to do your best to keep them close. Even if they are negative toward the goals of the project, you can build trust and respect with them as a person.
4. Delegate Responsibility for the Relationship.  There will be times when we cannot spend time nurturing stakeholder relationships personally and we need to ask for help.  We can delegate responsibility for stakeholder relationship management to members of our team.  As an example, I recently lead a large project with a client in another country.  In addition to being far apart geographically, we were also separated by eight time zones.  Since I was unable to get much face time with this client, I delegated responsibility for the relationship to one of the project managers that worked for me and was in the country with the client.  Though not a perfect strategy, it worked better than my efforts to directly manage the relationship remotely.
5. Pursue the Relationship Outside Work.  With some relationships, it will be easier to build connections outside the workplace.  This could include attendance at professional organizations, attending sporting events together, or golfing together. 

Action Steps to Nurture the Relationship - In this area we document the specific steps we are going to take to build relationships with each of the stakeholder.  This could be as simple as planning a series of meetings, writing a single or set of reports, or setting recurring lunch appointments.  It could be as extensive as learning more about the policies and objectives of a particular lobbying group or attending a meeting of a professional organization.  Here are some examples of action steps:

1. Regular one-on-one meetings.  One of my favorite techniques for managing project team members as well as other stakeholders is the regular one on one meeting.  By establishing a set time and having the meeting on a regular basis, you can stay in touch with and up to date on your stakeholder. Set a meeting length and frequency appropriate to the relationship.  Some will require a monthly meeting of 30 minutes; others could be weekly for an hour. 
2. Customized Project Briefing Reports.  Consider drafting project briefing reports which are targeted status reports for key stakeholders.  You can present the relevant information in a way that minimizes their time investment.
3. After Hours Meetings.  Some stakeholders may be easier to connect with after hours.  I once worked for a program manager who frequented a pub every night after work with his key team members.  At the pub he was available informally and the conversation and information flowed freely.  It was as if he had open "office hours" every night and you just needed to show up to connect with him.  Whenever there was anything important to discuss I would do just that.
4. Maintain an Action Log and Follow-Up Regularly.  For many stakeholders, it will be helpful to maintain a list of actions items and use that as the basis for following up with them.

You can use the following template to record all the information about the stakeholder and the relationship.  This template can be tailored to your specific needs by adding or subtracting to the sections to address the areas most important to you.  I do recommend that you exercise some caution if documenting this in a template; don't leave the information lying around the office.  The information could be sensitive. Click here to download the template in MS Word

Does using a template to strategically analyze a relationship this sound stiff, unnatural, contrived, or manipulative?  Perhaps.  Can project managers succeed without doing this?  Certainly.  By now you all know that project management is anything but a science and there are more than 31 flavors when it comes to getting things done.  However, I don't think all project managers are naturally good at relationships and I think it is important enough not to leave to chance.  An ad hoc approach to managing stakeholders just might work but who wants to take that risk?

Does this have to be done in the template?  No, in fact, this could be a small database you have on your PC or a simple contact management tool such as ACT!  MS Outlook could even be used to capture much of this information. 

There are a number of parallels between stakeholder relationship management and customer relationship management.  An entire category of CRM tools exist today to manage customer relationships.  In a project environment, each stakeholder could be thought of as a customer of the project.  Just like companies have adopted CRM applications for managing customer relationships, PMs need to treat relationships with stakeholders in the same way.

In our next post, we will talk about using steps one through three to perform step #4, Manage Stakeholder Relationships.

Applied EQ #48 What is Stakeholder Relationship Management All About?

The first competency we are going to look at under Relationship Management is Stakeholder Relationship Management.  The goal of stakeholder relationship management is to strategically establish meaningful 1-on-1 relationships that are going to do the following:

• Increase our likelihood of success on the project.
• Provide some cushion to weather the inevitable storms that occur on every project
• Provide an environment which is personally satisfying

We are also going to see how the 3 previously discussed emotional intelligence domains (self-awareness, self-management, and social awareness) contribute to Relationship Management by helping us to build effective stakeholder relationships.

Are these simply outlandish claims or are these realistic goals for project managers?  I recommend that you try the techniques and find out for yourself.

What exactly do we mean when we talk about Stakeholder Relationship Management?  It is the process of systematically developing stakeholder relationships that help us with the project.  We can break it down into the following 4 steps:

1. Identify our project stakeholders
2. Collect and Analyze information about the stakeholders
3. Use that analysis to develop relationship strategies
4. Manage the ongoing relationships with the stakeholder

This post is going to focus on the first two items, identifying our project stakeholders and collecting information.

#1 Identify Project Stakeholders

Who are the project stakeholders?  The simplest way to think of them is that they are the individuals or organizations who can make or break the project.  This is an area where the Project Management Body of Knowledge (PMBOK) provides some guidance.  The PMBOK defines stakeholders as:

Project stakeholders are individuals and organizations that are actively involved in the project, or whose interests may be affected as a result of project execution or project completion.

The PMBOK goes on to identify & define the following groups of stakeholders present on every project:

Project Manager
Customer/user
Performing Organization
Project Team Members
Project Management Team
Sponsor
Influencers

The PMBOK also mentions other stakeholders such as owners and investors, sellers and contractors, team members and their families, government agencies and media outlets, individual citizens, lobbying organizations and society at large.  I don't think it worth going into that level of detail, I mean, pretty soon you have All Earth Dwellers as your set of people to worry about.  That said, I would try to cast a wide net to make sure no significant stakeholders are overlooked.  I think that the PMBOK should have included the following:

• Senior Management of the customer and performing organizations
• The Program Management Office of the customer and performing organizations
• Functional Management or Resource Management of the delivery organization
• Vendors (break into subcategories as appropriate)
• Suppliers
• End Users of the project deliverables

I took these additional categories and updated the PMBOK diagram for stakeholders to include the ones I thought were relevant.  For those of you following along in your PMBOK at home, this was figure 2-5 on page 25 of the 3rd edition.

Using the diagram and descriptions above, can you identify the relevant stakeholders for your project?  Start with the categories of stakeholders and work out who the specific names are for each category.  It is going to be important to drill down to the name level for us to be able to manage the relationships.

#2 Collect and Analyze Information about the stakeholders

Once we understand who the stakeholders are, what do we do next?  Well, we start by collecting and analyzing information about those stakeholders.  Consider the analysis the background information you need to be effective. 

Be like Jack.  Fans of the TV show 24 know exactly what Jack Bauer would do instinctively when he ran into some new character on the show.  He would immediately call Chloe and say, "Chloe, give me everything you've got on Dr. Evil.  Just do it Chloe!".

Perhaps you don't need to be so dramatic.  You do need to find out what you can about each stakeholder.  The more you know the better you will be at managing the relationship.  Start with some of the information below which starts out easy and then gets more difficult.  Some you can obtain by asking around, others will require a conversation with the stakeholder.

• Priority - Identify the priority of this stakeholder to the project.  This should be based on the ability of the stakeholder to impact the outcome of the project.  You can use a simple High, Medium, and Low or you could use a scale of 1 to 5.  We will use this to prioritize among the stakeholders.
• Role on the Project - This is the role that particular stakeholder is playing on this project (e.g.  vendor, end user, senior management).
• Position Relative to the Project - The position toward the project could be Positive, Negative, or Neutral.  Of course you can use a more elaborate scale for this including strength and direction (e.g. strong positive, weak negative).  The idea is to understand where the stakeholder stands in relationship to the project outcomes.  If you don't know, that might be an issue.  Make it a priority to find out.
• Stakeholder Objectives - Describe as succinctly as possible what it is that the stakeholder wants the project to achieve.  You might be guessing at first but put something down and then check it out when you have the opportunity.  Ask the question of the stakeholder, WIIFM? Examples of stakeholder objectives include reaching their personal or professional goals, getting promoted, reducing labor costs, increasing market share, and providing productivity tools to their staff.  Each stakeholder has some objective.  You stand a better chance of connecting with that stakeholder when you speak their language, that is, when you understand their objectives and how the project relates to those objectives.
• Facts, Passions, and Areas of Interest - This is an area where we do a somewhat subjective analysis of the person.  Use caution; anything written here should be factual and written accurately but in a way that is as inoffensive as possible.  Examples could include communications style, conflict style, membership in certain clubs or professional organizations, sports, or other personal information. 
  
  A word of caution - there are several categories of information that you should avoid documenting or document only with much thought.  This would include things like drinking habits, ethnic/racial/religious background, political tendencies, and sexual orientation.  For example, the fact that a major stakeholder is having an affair with one of the project team members may be important to know; I just don't recommend documenting it. This type of information has the potential to cause a lot of harm; proceed with extreme caution.
• Communication Style - Do these stakeholders prefer email, voice mail or phone, or 1-on-1 communications?  Do they want to hear from you regularly or only when there are problems?  This topic can tricky.  It is often helpful to have face to face meetings whenever possible but some stakeholders will guard their time.  We also need to be aware of our own preferences and use caution not to overlay that on our stakeholders.  Try to be as objective as possible. 
• Emotional Intelligence Checklist - Several posts back, we discussed Social Awareness and introduced a checklist that could be used to evaluate the emotional intelligence of an individual.  Going through that exercise for each stakeholder could provide additional insights.

There is a template that you could use to capture this information.  Click here to download a MS Word template for stakeholder management.

You might be overwhelmed by the list of information that I have suggested.  How can anyone collect all this information?  First, you don't need all of this information at the same time.  You should start at the beginning of the project with the highest priority stakeholders.  Then, build your database slowly.  Use every meeting with a stakeholder to gather a little more information about them.  View this as an ongoing activity throughout the life of the project.

Collecting this information requires you to learn to ask the right questions and then listen with empathy.  Write things down or focus on remembering it and then writing it down as soon as possible. 

I personally like to get out of the business or project environment and discuss things over lunch or dinner.  I try to ask a lot of questions and listen a lot more than I talk.  Ask questions of each individual about themselves as well as what they know about the other stakeholders.  People love to talk about themselves.  This is not a time to TALK about the project, what it is going to do, and how smart and important you are.  There will be plenty of time for that later if things go well. 

You can show a lot of interest by gathering some of the information prior to meeting with the individuals.  When they see your initiative and interest, they may be flattered.  and respect or trust you more because of it.  They may also be more open and less guarded about sharing information with you.

If you think learning as much as you can about your stakeholders is a little over the top, consider this story about Lyndon Johnson as told by reporter Christopher Matthew in his book, Hardball; How Politics is Played Told by One Who Knows the Game.  Lyndon Johnson first went to Washington DC in 1931 as Secretary to Congressman Richard Kletzberg. He stayed at the Dodge Hotel which was the home of many of the congressional staffers of that day. On his first night and the following morning, President Johnson did something very strange that he kept a secret until just months before his death:

"That night, Lyndon Baines Johnson took four showers. Four times he walked towel-draped to the communal bathroom down along the hall. Four times he turned on the water and lathered up.

The next morning, he got up early to brush his teeth five times, with five-minute intervals in between. The young man from Texas had a mission. There were seventy-five other congressional secretaries living in the building. He wanted to meet as many of them as possible as fast as possible.

The strategy worked. Within three months of arriving in Washington, the newcomer got himself elected Speaker of the "Little Congress", the organization of all House staff assistance.

In this, his Washington debut, Johnson was displaying his basic political method. He was proving that getting ahead is just a matter of getting to know people. In fact, it is the exact same thing."

I am not advocating that you get naked with your stakeholders or that you employ the same hardball tactics that President Lyndon Johnson did during his presidency. I do want to encourage you to think strategically about relationships, learning about others, and connecting with others. 

In our next post, we are going to talk about steps #3 Develop relationship strategies and action plans, and #4 Manage the ongoing relationships with the stakeholder.