EQ4PM

I'll Give You Something To Cry About and Other Emotional BS

It's a wonder we are as emotionally healthy as we are when you consider that the primary way that most of us learned about emotions was from our parents.  Some of the things our parents taught us about emotions or modeled for us were just plain wrong and unhealthy.  While I think my own case was perhaps extreme, I have talked to enough people to believe that MOST of our parents unwittingly taught us things that were worthless and in some cases counter to what would be healthy.  Just like the rule about waiting an hour after you eat before swimming, our parents simply taught us what they thought was right.  Or they modeled what they had learned from their parents.

Here is a list of some of the things I heard growing up as well as some things that others have told me they heard. 

Common Parental Messages about Emotions

Sadness

• I'll give you something to cry about
• There is no crying in baseball
• Don't cry, everything is going to be OK
• Big boys don't cry
• Don't be sad, everything is going to be OK
• Stop it you big crybaby

Self-Confidence

• Don't brag
• Don't be too cocky
• Who died and put you in charge?

Fear

• You better be scared!
• I'll give you something to be scared about
• I am going to send you to a juvenile home / call the police
• If you don't do this, I am going to beat you!
• Come on, don't be a scaredy cat.

Happy / Excited

• Why are you all happy?
• Calm down / quiet down / quiet down right now or else
• Take it easy

Anger

• Don't get angry
• Don't let anyone get to you
• Don't let them get your goat

Expressing Emotions

• If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.
• Children should be seen and not heard.
• Don't say that or you will upset your father/mother

So learning about emotional intelligence often starts with unlearning what we were taught, and breaking unhealthy bad habits.  It is not easy work.  Sometimes these patterns and reactions are so deeply ingrained in us that we don't even recognize them.  In their book Promoting Emotional Intelligence in Organizations, Gary Cherniss and Mitchel Adler contrast emotional with cognitive learning and the challenges of emotional learning.

"Emotional incompetence often stems from habits learned early in life.  These automatic habits are set in place as a normal part of living, as experience shapes the brain...When habits are strong, the underlying neural connections become the brain's default option- what a person does automatically and spontaneously often with little or no awareness that a menu of possible responses is available."
-Gary Cherniss and Mitchel Adler 

The only way to break these patterns and improve our emotional intelligence is with the help of someone else; a friend, spouse, classmate or coach.  I learned through a mentor and a group of 10 men and women that I met with every week for four and a half years!  Though I consider my case an extreme one, we all need feedback to see that we are acting in unhealthy ways and support to make the necessary changes.

I'd love to hear what you think.  What did you learn from your parents?  What are you teaching and modelling for your children?

Cheers!

Anthony

Now Available - The Emotional Intelligence Monthly Newsletter for PMs

About six months ago, I quietly launched the EQ Monthly Newsletter for Project Managers. The newsletter is published on the first of every month and contains news and tips to help project managers understand, develop, and apply their emotional intelligence. 

In the March 2008 monthly newsletter, I wrote about what makes project managers successful based on the research conducted by Ralf Mueller and J. Rodney Turner.  As you may recall from my posts here, Mueller and Turner are the authors of "Choosing Appropriate Project Managers", a book that details PMI-sponsored research into what makes project managers successful.  I have based my newest workhop (Leading Teams with Emotional Intelligence) on that research from Mueller and Turner as well as other emotional intelligence and leadership research by Victor Dulewicz and Malcolm Higgs.

You can always read the most recent month's newsletter on-line at: Last Month's Newsletter.  You can join the mailing list for the newsletter by hitting the submit button below. 

Sign Up Today!



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Cheers!

Anthony

PS:  I am delighted to see that Elizabeth Harrin of A Girls Guide to Managing Projects has posted a very positive review of my book on her very popular blog.  I always liked her writing but after reading her review of my book, I think she is absolutely brilliant!  Please check out her blog and see if you agree.

Update - The BETA Online EQ Assessment For Project Managers

I have recently closed the BETA testing of the on-line EQ assessment for project managers.  If you participated in the beta test of the assessment, thank you again!  You should have received instructions for accessing the feedback.  Email me if you did not receive those instructions.

If you did not test drive the on-line assessment but would like to get the results, please feel free to email me at EQ4PM@ProjectAdvisorsGroup.com and I will send those to you.

The next steps for this assessment include:

• Revise the assessment based on your feedback.
• Conduct cognitive interviews of the items in the assessment.  (If you'd like
  to get involved, please let me know!)
• Revise assessment based on the interviews.
• Pilot again (likely)
• Launch assessment.

Cheers!

Anthony

Nobody Really Manages Projects - Not Even You

That's right, I said it, nobody really manages projects.  Not even project managers.  Not even you.  In fact, the term project manager is a misnomer. 

• Project managers do not manage scope
• Project managers do not manage time
• Project managers do not manage costs
• Project managers do not manage projects

They also don't manage integration, risk, quality, communications, procurement or any of the other nine knowledge areas of the Guide to the Project Management Body of Knowledge (PMBOK® Guide) save one.  There is really only one of the nine knowledge areas that the PM actually does manage.

So what is that one thing that project managers do manage?  Project managers manage only one thing; people.  It is through people that all of those other things are managed.

Consider time management as an example.  How does a PM manage time?  What exactly do they manage when they manage a schedule?  You might argue that they manage the tasks on the schedule (they certainly don't manage the speed of time passing).  What exactly about those tasks do they manage?  The estimated or actual duration?  How would they "manage" that?  The sequence?  Perhaps.  But that is simply the sequence of when the tasks are performed, that is, when persons will work on them.  What else can they manage about a task?  Susan de la Vergne, a fellow fan of emotional intelligence, had it right when she said "You Can't Manage Time".

What about cost management?  The PMBOK® Guide breaks cost management down into the following three areas:  cost estimating, cost budgeting, and cost control.  What does the PM "manage" when they manage costs?

• Cost Estimating - estimating the costs of the resources needed for the project.  That is, the human resources (people) who will work on the project and the other resources that the people will install, use, or consume on the project.
• Cost Budgeting - Adding up the cost estimates to create a baseline.  How is that simple tabulation a "management" activity?  Answer- it isn't.
• Cost Control - influencing the factors (i.e. people) that cause cost variances and controlling changes (caused by people) to the project budget.  This is true management, however, the PM is managing the people, not the costs.

My point?  The PMBOK® Guide is long on managing all the wrong things, the things that cannot be managed, and short on managing people.  This is the inverse of what it needs to be.  Projects are completed by people first and foremost.  I dare you to show me a project that has no people on it - it doesn't exist.  Project managers manage people! 

Even the one section of the PMBOK® Guide that is reportedly about people (Human Resource Management) is weak on managing people.  The four parts of the HR Management section are:

• Human Resource Planning - Planning for the people we need on the project.
• Acquire Project Team - Get the people we need on the project.
• Develop Project Team - Invest in the people on the project.
• Manage Project Team - AHA!  Eureka!  I think I finally found what it is that PMs need to do on the project.

The HR Management chapter of the PMBOK® Guide is 21 pages long, representing just 6% of the PMBOK content (less back matter).  That is ridiculous!  HR or people management should be the largest section of the PMBOK and it should be first!

I know there are many of you out there who have drank the PMI Kool-Aid who I have completed offended.  Even now you are preparing to unscubscribe from this blog.  Before you do, I challenge you to show me where I am wrong.  I dare you to step up and point out how project managers manage anything but people, or how project management can be performed or separated from managing people. 

Show me and I will recant.  I promise.

Anthony

New Emotional Intelligence Workshop for Project Managers

I am excited to announce a new workshop coming out in April.  I am going to be partnering with the PMI Chicagoland to provide a two-day workshop titled, Leading Teams with Emotional Intelligence.  This workshop will be based in part on the research conducted by Ralf Mueller and J. Rodney Turner on those emotional intelligence competencies that make project managers successful.

You can get more information about the upcoming workshop at the following link:

http://www.pmi-chicagoland.org/prof_dev/

Have a great New Years Holiday!

Anthony Mersino

You Can Join the Research Team

I have talked quite a bit in this blog about PMI's research into what makes project managers effective and several times have mentioned the book, Choosing Appropriate Project Managers.  Dr. Ralf Müller is one of the co-authors of that book and he has asked me for some help with his ongoing research into project management leadership competencies.  I'd like to invite you to join Dr. Müller with this important work.

Dr. Müller has a short opinion survey on the 15 leadership competencies and how they relate to project complexity.  He would be most appreciative if you would take the time to complete the following survey and email it back to him.  Here is the survey:  Questions_on_Project Complexity.doc, and here is Dr. Müller's email address:  ralf.mueller@usbe.umu.se.

Thank you,

Anthony Mersino

PS:  I am speaking on emotional intelligence and project management at the PMI Chicagoland Chapter next Wednesday, December 12.  The presentation is titled, "Smart People Dumb Mistakes".  Capacity is limited so reserve your seat now at:  http://www.pmi-chicagoland.org/news_events/presentations_2007-2008/2007_dec_chapter_mtg.php

What Makes Project Managers Successful - Part 3

I have posted a few times about the book by J. Rodney Turner and Ralf Mueller called, Choosing Appropriate Project Managers.  The book details the research conducted by Turner and Mueller on 400 different projects; some that succeeded and some that failed.  The study looked at the competencies of the project managers and specifically those competencies that were related to project success or failure.

The book is packed with information and it has taken me some time (and some help from Mueller) to unpack it and understand how to apply it.   The first part of my analysis was figuring out which competencies led to success for each type of project.  This was complicated somewhat by the depth of the analysis.  You could keep it simple by just looking at the type of project studied, such as Information Technology, Engineering, or Organizational Change.  You could further fine tine the requirements by including some of the other project attributes such as project complexity, importance, and contract type. 

The chart below is what it would look like if you kept it simple, based only on type of project.  For each type of project, you are more likely to succeed if you have the competencies shown in the chart.

Type of Project	PM Competencies
Information Technology	·       Self-Awareness ·       Communication ·       Developing
Engineering	·       Conscientiousness ·       Sensitivity
Organizational	·       Motivation ·       Communication

If you wanted to fine tune the analysis using the project attributes, it would look like the chart below (or click here to download the PDF).  To use the chart, start with the type of project and select those attributes.  Then, add any additional competencies for the project complexity, importance, and contract type.

Ralf Mueller was kind enough to send me an email with an explanation of how to interpret the charts in the book.  The example Ralf Mueller explained to me was for an IT project with medium complexity, of renewal type, and using fixed price.  Here is what he wrote:

"If your project has the following attributes: IT project, medium complexity, renewal, fixed price, then the following competencies correlate with success:
• self-awareness, communications, and developing (Table 6-1 IT)
• emotional resilience, communication (Table 6-2 medium complexity)
• sensitivity, self-awareness (Table 6-3 importance)
• sensitivity, self-awareness (Table 6-4 contract type FP)

So if you improve self-awareness (3 mentionings), sensitivity (2 mentionings), communications (2 mentionings) development, or emotional resilience, then you have the highest chances to improve your project results."

The biggest value of this research is in helping individuals understand what type of training would be most valuable to them or would lead them to succeed as project managers.  If you can identify the competencies most important to you, you can train on those and improve your success. 

That said, it would be helpful to project managers to know what their current competency level is for those project success factors.  While Turner and Mueller have some profiles for average project managers, you would have to use an instrument to determine your unique competency levels.

The Leadership Dimensions Questionnaire is an instrument that would help you determine your competency levels.  Victor Dulewicz and Malcolm Higgs developed the Leadership Dimensions Questionnaire and that is the instrument used by Turner and Mueller as the basis for their study of 400 projects. I will take a closer look at the LDQ in a future post.

What Makes Managers Successful?

I found an interesting study while conducting research for my "Smart People Dumb Mistakes" presentation.  The study looked at the factors that differentiated failed managers from successful ones.  The study looked at 169 managers where roughly half were terminated for performance issues and the other half were performing well.  The differences between the two groups were remarkable in that five of the eight factors were related to emotional intelligence:

Characteristics of Failed Managers:

1. Unable to build a cohesive team*
2. Over-manages or under-manages
3. Overly ambitious
4. Not supportive, and demanding of subordinates*
5. Overly emotional*
6. Insensitive, cold, and arrogant*
7. Maintains poor relations with staff*
8. Has overriding personality defects

*Factors directly related to emotional intelligence.

This study was conducted by Michael Lombardo, Marian Ruderman and Cynthia McCauley and is documented in the book, Why Smart People can be so Stupid.

PS:  On November 1 I launched the Monthly Newsletter, EQ for Project Managers.  The theme for November is Gratitude and you can sign up on my home page.

Twenty Emotional Intelligence Tips from AllPM

This month I was one of the guest contributors over at ALLPM.com where the theme was emotional intelligence for project managers.  I contributed the following list of daily tips for project managers and after looking at them, I realized they are pretty good!  So here are the 20 tips of the day from ALLPM.com, grouped according to the emotional intelligence framework for project managers shown below.  Enjoy!

1. SELF-AWARENESS

Tip of the Day #1 - David Caruso and Peter Salovey said that "emotions are information". Are you able to fully experience your emotions at work and use them as information? Or do you try to "leave emotions at the door" when you arrive at work? Try logging every emotion you feel throughout the day today. Later tonight, spend some time reflecting on those emotions and see if you can understand the information that each emotion provides.

Tip of the Day #5 - Do you recognize when you are experiencing feelings during the day? A simple technique for increasing emotional self-awareness is to track emotions during the day using SASHET, an acronym for Sad, Angry, Scared, Happy, Excited and Tender. Keep a SASHET tally sheet today and see if there are patterns in the emotions you feel and those you don't feel.

Tip of the Day #6 - Sarcasm is usually an indication that someone is both angry and scared. When you hear sarcasm, you should ask yourself what that person is angry and scared about. This is doubly important if you are the one using sarcasm. I challenge you to make note of the times today that you hear sarcasm being used and looked behind the sarcasm to the emotions of the individual.

Tip of the Day #7 - Most of us cringe when we hear negative feedback or criticism. Feedback is a gift. Even critical feedback usually contains some kernel of truth that helps us grow if we are open to it. When we hear critical feedback, we need to get over our own defensiveness, listen carefully, and ask probing questions that lead us to that kernel of truth. Our greatest growth opportunities will come from those ‘gifts’ from others.

Tip of the Day #10 - Self-confidence is when we are grounded, secure, and self-assured. It’s easy to be rattled or thrown off our game by a recent setback or failure. One technique for overcoming a lack of self-confidence is to reflect on our past successes. Create a timeline on a piece of paper and mark on it the successes, small and large, that you have experienced over your career. By reviewing our past successes, we can put our current setbacks into perspective and see them as temporary.

2. SELF-MANAGMENT

Tip of the Day #3 - There are times when we remain unruffled by others and times when we react strongly. Pay attention to those times when you let other people push your buttons. What are the specific conditions where you are likely to let your guard down? Is it when you are tired, stressed, sick, feeling unappreciated or criticized, or not taking care of yourself? Try to avoid putting yourself in those situations where you aren’t able to choose a graceful response.

Tip of the Day #9 - Many of us work in environments that are stressful. We can remain graceful and unruffled when we learn to reduce our own stress level. I have found that laughing out loud, going for a walk, spending time with people I like, breathing techniques, and prayer or meditation help me to unwind. Select one of these techniques and practice it today, even if you don’t really need it.

Tip of the Day #11 - Perfectionists find that people never quite measure up to their expectations. They can be just as hard on themselves as well. Instead of going for perfection, strive for excellence which can be defined as doing your very best in every situation. Celebrate excellence and don’t get sucked into thinking that everything needs to be perfect.

Tip of the Day #15 - Some of us set ourselves up for stressful situations or negative outcomes by arriving late or unprepared for early morning meetings with team members or other project stakeholders. This can cause us to lose momentum or feel lousy for the rest of the day. Next time you have an important meeting, try getting to bed early, getting up early, and getting in to work before everyone else. Allow yourself some quiet time to review your notes and objectives for the meeting as well as to think about the emotions of each person that will be attending. Your calmness and quiet confidence will show clearly and even be contagious.

3. Social Awareness

Tip of the Day #8 - If you want to boost your standings with your project team, learn to listen with empathy. This includes giving others your full attention when they are speaking and letting them speak instead of interrupting or finishing their sentences. When they have expressed themselves, respond with empathy and emotions (e.g. that sounds tough, you sound sad). Finally, ask them what you can do to help. Don’t assume that you have to solve their problems or tell them what to do.

4. RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT

Tip of the Day #2 - Project management is about getting work done through others. Rarely is anything of significance done by one person working alone. It is the relationships we build with our team members and other stakeholders that determine how effective we will be as project managers. Take an honest assessment of the most important stakeholder relationships for your current project. Make it a point today to meet with those individuals with the objective of improving your relationship with them.

Tip of the Day #4 - Mom always said “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all”. Unfortunately that approach can lead to a dangerous buildup of hurts over minor and major issues. A better approach is to keep short accounts with people by saying, “I don’t like it when you do/say X”. This frees us up from holding on to resentments and avoids a major explosion down the road.

Tip of the Day #12 - Picnicking is a term for people who eat their lunches alone at their desk, ostensibly because of their workload. This is isolating and keeps us out of relationship. Instead of eating alone, make it a point to go to lunch with a co-worker, team member, or a project stakeholder. The relationship you will build will produce benefits far greater than what you would gain by working through lunch at your desk.

Tip of the Day #13 - While we all strive to do our best to build relationships, we will invariably find that we don’t always get along with others. If you find yourself consistently having relationship problems, look for patterns of those problems. Since we are the common denominator in our relationships, we may be the cause of the pattern of breakdowns. Some of us unknowingly carry emotional baggage with us. By becoming aware of the pattern, we empower ourselves to do something about it.

Tip of the Day #14 - People tend to thrive on positive recognition and acknowledgment and wither on criticism. Since it was always easier for me to point out what was wrong than to recognize what was right, I had to push myself and build routines into my day and week to be more encouraging. One technique I found helpful was to keep a log of when I recognized various team member’s positive contributions. Try keeping a tally sheet of your team and mark down whenever you are able to recognize one of your team members. Strive for at least one positive or encouraging comment per person each day.

Tip of the Day #18 - Relationship-building is a task you will rarely find on a project plan or in a WBS. However, as a project manager, building relationships with project stakeholders is a major success factor. Don’t leave stakeholder relationships to chance; give this activity the same importance as other project management tasks. Add relationship building tasks to your ‘to do’ and ‘action item’ lists, block out time on your calendar for relationships, and track your progress in this important area.

5. TEAM LEADERSHIP

Tip of the Day #16 - The project manager has the opportunity to establish ground rules, values, or expectations for the behavior of the team. If you don’t set those up at the start of the project, you may be surprised to find that people behave badly and team members don’t respect you as the leader. Try working with your team to create a contract for behavior early in the project lifecycle. This will make everyone a part of the process and accountable for enforcing whatever rules are agreed.

Tip of the Day #17 - My mentor Robb used to say that you live or die by your project team. Getting the best resources is critical to your success; this shouldn’t be left up to chance or to the resource managers in your company. You will attract and retain great project resources when you develop your interpersonal skills (like emotional intelligence), lead with integrity, and create a positive project environment.

Tip of the Day #19 - Holding others accountable is a key part of the project manager’s job; if you are not doing it you are not leading. I sometimes find it challenging to hold senior managers, clients, or project sponsors accountable because I fear confrontation with them. It has helped me to pinpoint the source of my fear, challenge whether it is valid or not, and then move forward through the fear. It also helps to have a tool like a Responsibility Matrix to clearly communicate who is accountable for project activities.

Tip of the Day #20 - As the leader of the team, the project manager sets the emotional tone for the group. Do you emote positive feelings and create what Daniel Goleman calls “resonance”? Or do you tend to give off negative vibes and create “dissonance”? Take time today to ask one or two of your current team members if they experience you as positive and encouraging. Listen as quietly as you can, without defending, and try to note at least one or two things you can do differently to boost your resonance level.

Do You Have What it Takes to Manage Your Projects?

Do you have the personal characteristics that are relevant to successfully manage the types of projects you manage?  What's that, you say you didn't know that personal characteristics mattered to the success of specific types of projects?  Recent research in this area reveals that the personal characteristics of the PM, in particular their leadership style, is directly related to the success of the project.  Further, the important competencies vary by the type of project being managed.

Research on Project Success

Early this year I wrote about an article by J. Rodney Turner and Ralf Mueller about what made projects successful.  I was thrilled to receive an email from Ralf Mueller and to receive their book on the topic called Choosing Appropriate Project Managers.  I have had the book for a couple of months now and have been digesting it slowly.  It is rich reading for those interested in what makes projects successful, for those who are interested in excelling at particular types of projects, and for those whose job it is to assign project managers to projects.  (FYI this post isn't meant to be a review of the book.  For an excellent review of the book, see Ken Rose's Cover to Cover article in the March 2007 Project Management Journal.)

In the book, the authors set out to dispel two myths:

1. That PM competence is not a project success factor.
2. That any PM can manage any type of project

The research model is shown below in a diagram taken from Turner and Mueller's presentation at the Project Management Challenge 2007.  They tested 15 independent variables representing intellectual competence (IQ), managerial competence (MQ), and emotional competence (EQ).  They measured the contribution of those independent variables to project sucess as measured by 10 dependent variables.  They also had a series of 19 moderating variables based on different types of projects (application, strategic importance, lifecycle stage, complexity, and culture).

By conducting 14 personal interviews and a web survey of 400 project managers, the mythbusters were able to handily dispel the two myths.  It turns out that the project manager's personal competence is indeed very much linked to the success of the project.  In particular, emotional intelligence is a key competency. 

"Project managers must be emotionally intelligent."
     - J. Rodney Turner and Ralf Mueller

What They Found

Here is a summary of the findings of the study:

1. The personal characteristics of the project manager do matter. 
2. Of those personal characteristics, emotional competency (EQ) dominates over IQ and managerial competence.
3. Different personal characteristics are important for different types of projects and even different phases of the same project.
4. Organizations need to understand and build the capabilities of the PMs for the types of projects they perform.

What does all of this mean to you as a project manager?  Well, it seems that it would pay to understand the competencies you have, compare that to the competencies for the types of projects you manage, and close any gaps that exist.

For all project types, the PM competencies that correlated with success were conscientiousness, sensitivity, and communication.  Strategic perspective was negatively correlated, that is, PMs with strategic perspective would be more likely to fail.

For three common types of projects, here are the competencies that were statistically correlated with successful projects:

• Information Technology Projects - Important competencies for successful IT projects include:  self-awareness, engaging communication, and developing.  Having vision was negatively correlated with success (that is, PMs with vision failed).
• Engineering Projects - Important competencies for successful Engineering Projects include conscientiousness and sensitivity.  Again, having vision was a negative.
• Organizational Change Projects - Important competencies for successful Organizational Change Projects include motivation and engaging communications.  Again vision was negative.

What You Need to do Next

What do you need to do with this information as a project manager?  I think the relevant question is how do you stack up as a PM?  Do you have emotional intelligence?  If you lead IT projects, do you have self-awareness, communications and developing as competencies?  (Note:  developing is defined as "Encouraging others to take on ever more-demanding tasks, roles, and accountabilities.  Develops others's competencies and invests time and effort in coaching them.")

If you don't know what your personal competencies are, there are many ways to find out.  The fastet would be to take an online emotional intelligence self-assessment like the Emotional Intelligence Appraisal Me edition from TalentSmart.  If you don't have the $35, you can download a simple and free mini self-assessment from my website to use as a starting point (my simple tool only looks at self-awareness and control).   

It seems clear to me that if 1) PMs need to be emotionally intelligent and 2) Specific project types require specific emotional competencies, THEN PMs should determine their own EQ strengths and weaknesses relative to the job and address any gaps.

What do you think?